So, I'm loving life on my Samsung Galaxy S3. I download a few games for long waits and I've read the internet to death. I start playing a few of them and they're better than what I'd thought would be on the phone. There is only one problem. These games lose their shit like a stage 5 clinger if you don't play them. I got 2-3 games sending me messages like "WHAT THE FUCK?!?! YOU HAVEN'T PLAYED ME FOR A WEEK! WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON? THERE ARE TERRORISTS TO SHOOT AT!" Anyone else run into these fucking things?
Yea, alot of them do that unfortunately, i dont buy any games, so this might just be a problem a problem for free games. I have actually gotten rid of a few games because of this.
Fuck. I'm hammered drunk by 4 pm. I think that's allowed since it's Saturday. I'm going to myfirst football game ever tonight. I have high hopes. I hope I'm not disappointed.
Shit my shitty ass free (on my plan) Verizon phone runs adds when it goes into lock mode and then automatically goes to the "app store" when I press unlock to use my phone. I better be getting discounts for this shit. Soooooooooo. I went to see The Master. By myself. It's fucking weird and won't win best picture. I like PTA's work, Boogie Nights, There Will be Blood, etc but he is just making weird shit just to be weird. There were also two fat black women talking the entire fucking time like it was a Tyler Perry movie.
All of this fuckery about smartphones has made me realize how happy I've been for the last two months with no pestering device in my pocket. I finally accepted a cheap-ass flip phone from about 2003 as a gift, and I already want to throw it in a river. Spoiler
I have the oldest most basic phone. I bought it from Zack Morris. It takes twenty tribesman to Fitzcarraldo it around for me and the battery dims my entire end of the city when turned on.
I use it to break jewellery store windows. I make sure to wear the raccoon mask and striped shirt so I look the part.
Someone handed me an uncooked steak while I was drunk and for some reason I took a massive bite out of it. I'm paying for that decision today by being confined to my room and shitting nonstop.
THAT'S HOW WE FUCKING DO IT IN THE PALEO. Eat a raw steak and shit pure protein like a CAVEMAN WOLF, FUCK PEPPERIDGE FARM. HIGH FIVE A COW, BITCH! CHEW FOOD, SHIT RESULTS. I work out fucking P90x fuckin' 5 times in a row then rub the steak down my sweaty body instead of using salt. FUCKING ANIMAL. (Edit: I'm reading this in Howard Dean's We're going all the way to the White House!" voice.)
FUCK THAT PUSSY SHIT YO ILL EAT A STEAK LIKE TOTALLY RAW AND BITE THOUGH THE GODDAMN PLATE IN ONE BITE BECAUSE I HAVE STEEL JAWS. THEN I'LL PUNCH MY KID IN THE FACE JUST FOR LOOKIN AT ME. MAN UP, GIRL. GRAINS CAN SURF A PIECE OF SLIVER-FESTOONED PLYWOOD STRAIGHT UP MY ASS CAUSE ITS ALL ABOUT PRIMAL. PRIMAL, BITCH!!! I SLEEP IN A BED WATERBED FILLED WITH BACON GREASE AND SPOON WITH A CACTUS NOW IF YOU'LL EXCUSE MY FINE ASS IMMA BOUT TO CLUB ME A BITCH AND TAKER HER BACK TO MY CAVE FOR MAN-LOVE 101
I have the same phone with the same problem. The folks at Verizon were unable to figure out how or why this ocurrs. If I lose out on those Katy Perry tickets when I can't be the 127th caller to WSUX I'm gonna be pissed
Don't back down if The Mooch Man and Asshole Steve demand you slap your fleshcrank against the phone reciever "For all the LADIEEEEEES LISTENIN'!!!" Tolerate any and all sound bites, even the ones of people yelling spanish gobblygook.
Crazy people at the grocery store: don't have annoying fights in a crowded store over little smokey sausages and then ask ME my opinion on this food. Sincerely, don'twanttobeinvolved
Ow what I LOVE about this part of the world? Carnival games that us actual, real pellet guns. Aaaawesome!
I must confess, I have gravely sinned against the paleo Gods by consuming grain based products in conjunction aforementioned raw cow flesh. I will now commit ritualistic suicide to restore my honor and cleanse myself by performing the most paleo act ever, disemboweling myself and consuming my own intestines. This act will symbolize humanities primal nature as well as purging my body of the evil toxins of agriculture; having achieved primal enlightenment my spirit will transcend this earthly vessel into paleo-Valhalla where every day I will engage in the most intense Crossfit workout imaginable and consume the flesh of animals I killed with my bare hands.
Was at McDonald's for the first time in a looong time tonight. Me: Do you guys still have swirl ice cream? 16 year old McCashier: Uh, I don't think we've ever had that. FUCK YOU AND GET OFF MY LAWN!!! WHEN DID I GET OLD??? I should have said "whatever, I'll just take a pizza then."