Re: Re: Forgive me, Father, for I have sinned. Damn man it was always a good story to say that I have been banned from Canada, only thing that DWI was good for. I was on the sex offender list for a week before I got my name removed, evidently pissing in a parking lot at 3am makes me a sex offender....... For a week
If you're a female, came into my store and at some point, leaned over in front of me; I've looked down your shirt.
THis may be only distantly related to this thread topic, but one year just after college I dressed as a priest for a halloween party. I treid to play the part, and one of my regular lines that night was "Come my child,confess your sins to me. leave nothing out." A few folks were convinced I actually was a priest. Which makes the amount of interest I got from the women that night, including one that resulted in a short relationship afterward, very disturbing.
Forgive me father for i have sinned... in no particular order: - It was me that knocked over the marble lectern in the school church. Im sure you know this, because you're omnipotent and all that jazz, but yeah sorry about that. My bad. Im not sorry that i still have a piece of it stashed somewhere though. - I also removed the $2.00 price tag on all the chocolates we had to sell to the neighborhood for school fund-raising and sold them at $2.50. I bought a fuck tonne of lollies with my profit. You still got your cut buddy, dont get all pissy at me. - I kept any donations made where they didnt ask for a receipt, when i was forced to do door knocking on a Saturday for some other indiscretion. It was a bullshit charity though (buying bibles for poor people... i personally thought they could better do with the money and if they couldnt have it, why not me?). If its any consolation it was me that convinced my two accomplices not to go fucking nuts with it and just take the donations they couldn't track... those dumbasses would have taken it all if they had their way. You still got your cut, i got your back bro. - I did occasionally run my own fund-raising in the neighborhood... having seen how effective a school shirt and an official looking tin was at getting people to part with a few bucks i did that shit several times without any official backing. Pocketing everything and again buying lollies or as i got older smokes. - It was me that stole, and got drunk on, the sacramental wine... i mean really that was the priests fault though, who leaves a group of 16 year olds alone with wine? Also you could get a better vintage to symbolize your sons blood, that shit was nasty. - When i accidentally shot my best friend in the forehead with a modified nerf dart (embedded with a thumbtac) i totally knew i had the thumbtack nerf loaded up... and shot him anyway. - I relentlessly played upon your priests good nature to avoid a suspension for being caught smoking. Before the principal could call me up from class i went to see your priest, claimed the evil of smoking had me in its grasp and i needed his and the lords help to fight it. I did not, but cheers for getting me off that suspension, much appreciated. - Making your Religious Education teacher cry. I kinda fell bad for this one, she was a nice lady if a little weak willed... but seriously if your teachers faith can get knocked by a loud-mouthed 17 year old you've got some bigger problems here mate. - I committed insurance fraud at the tender age of 17. My car did not get hit while parked, i drove into a pedestrian guide rail while drunk. Drove back to the party, reversed the car in and went back to the scene to pick up all the little shards of paint and headlight glass which i scattered around my now parked car. The rest of the party was a blast. - It was not an accident when i blew my load in the mouth of the first girl to give me head. Im not exactly sorry for this one, just thought you should know, she was a good catholic girl after all. Im sure theres more, funny that all the ones that came to mind are from around my school days. My friends in public, non-religious schools never seemed to get upto half the bad shit we did. Damn, reading that makes me realize i was a horrible child and should never ever have been put in charge of any fundraising or charity work (or anything involving money really)
Dear God, rbz90 here. I'm sure you know all this since you're all seeing and all but I'd like to get off my chest. These aren't all of them but a selection of the particularly bad ones. -When I was 19 me and that 17 year old snuck on to the roof of the house so that I can give her some meth and she can give me a handjob featuring some tongue.* - When I was 17 my friends and I broke several windows in a church and on the way home did the same at an elementary school. This had involved a lot of the blood of christ beforehand. The type that comes in a box. - I found a blackberry once, it was some girl that was on the cheerleading squad at my university. She had a bunch of naked pictures and videos that she had sent to what I assume was her boyfriend. He had also reciprocated with some pictures of his dick. It was hairy, uncircumcised and quite large by the look of it. I sent most of those pictures to my friends dick and all. - I am not sure if this is a sin per se, i know it is to your catholic ilk, but I have masturbated on planes several times. In the bathroom mind you i'm not THAT big of a creep.(or rather i don't want to get caught with my dick out in public.) It helps me sleep. Anyway, good talking to you and hopefully you don't have any hard feelings. *All jokes aside, the rest were things I did when I was a bit younger (I'm 22 now) and I'd like to think I know better. That particular instance I still feel extremely guilty about.
In my senior year of high school, I had sex many times with my best friend's girlfriend. In my defense, she got really drunk one day at school and I walked her home because I didn't want her to get in trouble. That's when she jumped me. It turns out that my best friend was so neurotic, he never had sex with any of his girlfriends because he was just too scared I guess. It kind of explained why he would date these girls and then all of the sudden, break up for no reason. This girl totally ruined me. She was a total freak in bed and did EVERYTHING. She swallowed, took it up the ass, did ass to mouth. I was a virgin up to that point, so I thought all women were like that. Boy, was I shocked later on in life.
Well damn. Here's the perfect spot to fess up that I killed my buddies pseudo septic setup at his cottage in 2003. I broke the no pooping rule for the house commode (we had an outside one for that) and I dropped the king king of all logs in that puppy. In my defense, it was Sunday morning after three days of drinking and stuffing our faces. I was innocently peeing when the kong dump decided it was time and it wasn't going to wait for me to panty up and run out thirty feet to the proper pooper. So, I'm sorry Dude. I don't know exactly what my 8lb crap did to your tank, but I had a deep feeling a guilt and shame when I saw all the water atop the weeping tiles as we were pulling out the lane.
Most of my so-called "sins" are the result of revenge (or the assitance of) because hey, revenge is awesome. Aside from my now notorious gasoline and blood wake-up pranks, others may include: - writing the word "NEXT!" into a cheating ex-girlfriends front lawn with six quarts of motor oil - helping remove every tire mount on the entire bar staff's cars after my cousin was wrongfully beaten by the doorstaff. The end result was Spec-TAC-u-lar - While camping: Trapping a friend inside his car while he was fucking the most filthy skank in our end of the city by wrapping a tug-o-war rope around the outisde of the doors fifteen or so times (he threw a can of beans in our fire that nearly killed me when it exploded) - Caught about two dozen gigantic brown grasshoppers (3-5 inches long) and released them in friends room while he was napping. He fucked with me first, but he had a paralyzing fear of creepy-crawlies and should have never told me - "Short-sheeted" a guy's bed, and caulked the inside crease with vasoline and barber hair trimmings -Blew up an entire row of public toilets with a cherry bomb the size of a baby's fist
Spoilered for Shegirl's delicate sensibilities. Spoiler Dear God. Sorry for banging my step sister in that confessional. And for all the other weird places we hooked up.