Without a doubt, the worst gift I ever received was the declaration that my family would no longer be celebrating Christmas. After celebrating the holiday my entire life, with the attendant indoor foliage, guilt-ridden impulse buying and shamelessly transaction do-gooding, this came as some surprise. I was 11. While my parents' reasoning was theologically sound -- as non-christians* who didn't want to support consumerism, they felt no need to buy into the holiday -- there really isn't a philosophical argument that will sway an 11 year old who optimistically hung last year's stocking only to wake up and find it as empty as promised. *Yes, I understand that Jesus had a summer birthday, and that it was a pagan holiday, and so did they. Their point was more that it had since become an indicator of Christianity, which is pretty inarguable.
Owning Super Mario World would have been great, but I wasn't given a Super Mario World bundle. I was given the SNES system and the SNES system alone. Allow me to reiterate... My Christmas gift was the SNES console with ZERO GAMES.
My wife has a knack for buying me the most incredibly stupid gifts. Last Christmas, she gave me a wooden box with my name carved on the lid. I really don't know what it's purpose is. It's felt-lined, so my first thought was a men's jewelry box, but considering two watches, and my wedding and college rings are the extent of my jewelry (and the wedding ring never comes off and unless I'm sleeping, I've got one of the watches on) I don't see it. So, it sits on a shelf in my office. A few years ago, she got me one of those foot things that's supposed to draw all the heavy metals out of your feet with its magical salt water that turns black. Yeah, that's still in the box in our closet. This is what I get for telling her I don't want anything. This year, I preempted her and told her I took care of my gift (replaced my iPod).
This is what I got when I was 15. What 15 year old guy doesnt want a Bop-It? On the same token, one thing I always wanted but never got when I was little was: Spoiler Watching that commericial and never knowing the same joy as the kids in that commercial aches in the cackles of my heart.
Now this is funny, since i did "give" "soap on a rope" to some dude a few years ago. There was this present pool where everyone, and i mean EVERYONE regifted shit to each other. After the wrapped gifts are "won" thru various games, you're supposed to be able to trade em with other people for thing you might want. One year i got a hamster cage thru this thing. And then, there are the gifts that nobody will trade you for .... like the hamster cage. I was pretty damn fucking sore about that thing, so the next year when it was time to get something for the "pool" I happened to have this "scented soap on a rope" that came, free, with my perfume ( in some kind of xmas bonuspack ). Guess what went in the pool that year? and guess which gift was deemed "untradable" ? It's stupid to feel like gloating, but i thought it was funny. As for best present, this year's present is pretty high up there. My dad got me a 24 inch lcd screen for xmas. i'dd been using the same screen for 8 years on my main computer ( mostly because it was still working and i never really felt the need to "upgrade"). The thing is so big ! All this desktop space! it's overwhelming.
Can we all agree that gift giving between significant others who share money (and really in general) is fucking stupid? If I don't have something it's because of one of three reasons: 1.) I don't want it 2.) I don't think it's worth the price 3.) I can't afford it That means there is no god damn reason to be using OUR money to buy something I don't have. There is notable exception to this: Something I am not aware of but would like or if you find something I think is priced too high for cheap. But if that's the case cut the crap and just give it to me, don't wait until a day that has been deemed by society to be the day of gift giving. I know I've heard this before but there was a study done which concluded that virtually everyone would gladly take 80 cents on the dollar in cash for the total value of their Christmas presents. And people wonder why we're going bankrupt. Focus: From the grandparents one year Alt-Focus: From the parents one year
As a kind of off topic but alternate focus, one thing I really, really wanted and never got for Christmas: Spoiler Everyone had them and I had to have them too. Never got a pair. Yeah, my parents thought they were dumb (which they sure were) and my grandfather wouldn't let my grandmother buy them for me because, "No sneakers are worth more than $40!" That was until he bought a pair of BK's for $80 and thought that maybe he should have let my grandmother buy me some RBK Pumps, but I digress.
We do this every year with my extended family. We call it a "Yankee Swap" but I think it is more commonly called "White Elephant" For a couple of years the gifts were all shitty, so my mom started bringing beer and liquor, and then everything stayed shitty because they depended on my mom to get the good stuff. People have finally started getting better gifts, but those bad years were pretty terrible. The worst I got was a CD of the Mormon Tabernacle Choir singing Christmas carols that had already been opened. My cousin who gave it to me laughed when I opened it. I got him back though the next year when he got the Gideon bible I had stolen from a hotel in Salt Lake City. The last time I went I brought a spongebob steering wheel cover thinking whoever got it would be pissed. Instead it was fought over more than anything else.
Focus: We do a white elephant every year with my Mom's side. A few years ago, I ended up with an M&M fondue pot. Single handedly ruined Christmas for me that year. What the hell would a 20 year old college kid do with a fondue pot? What the hell would anyone do with an M&M fondue pot? It wasn't even big, maybe like 6 inches across, completely pointless. I got a dartboard last year which I'll be regifting for this years white elephant...classy. It has now turned into a booze exchange, which I'm not arguing about since I'll probably be good and drunk for it anyway. Also, a few years before that incident, the first gift I opened one year was some boxers, and the second was some socks. Real nice. Anti: My parents made up for the boxers debacle a year or two later when they got us kids a PS2, a couple games, and a 32" TV for our basement. It was so absolutely awesome that I moved my bedroom to the basement so I could play NCAA 2000 or whenever the PS2 came out.
FOCUS: My uncle used to let my two little cousins pick out my presents on their own, with no guidance. When I was in my teens, they were around 8 or 9. I got all kinds of weird shit over the years, none of which I kept for more than a week. Toys from Walgreens, Digimons, a children's book about the rainforest. It was kind of endearing, though, I guess. You could tell those little bastards put a lot of thought into it. Too bad kids are morons. They're 16 and 17 now, I think, and I'll be seeing them for the first time in three or four years this Christmas. They better have improved their shopping ability, or Cousin JGold might forget to sneak them alcohol. ANTI-FOCUS: Going by sheer price, it'd have to be the MacBook my parents got me my senior year of college. As far as most sentimental, I'd say the mini Christmas tree shrub my mom sent me in 2008. I was living on my own for the first time in my life, in a studio apartment in bumfuck New Mexico, about 2,500 miles from my nearest family member. Newspaper reporters don't get days off (ever. fuck that job.), so I wasn't going home for Christmas. About two weeks before Christmas, I got a package. Inside was a shrub cut to resemble a Christmas tree, complete with this set of little mini lights. Brought Christmas spirit to my dingy little apartment, that's for sure.
The Country Bear Jamboree album. On vinyl. From a very sweet family friend who had a habit of buying people gifts she really would have rather kept for herself. At least she broke down and got herself that car horn that played "Dixie."
Worst Gift: A $500 silk blouse that had to be tied on through a ridiculous amount of little satin ties and made me look 30 pounds heavier. Best Gift: A steamer trunk full of American Girl doll accessories, a Ferbie, and all the Ramona Quimby books. I was 9. It was awesome.
I'll just copy+paste what I received last year from the old Christmas thread. Folks might have been high & hit up the local thrift store. Focus: - 1 green & 1 black cotton T-shirt - An old crock-pot - A variety pack of mashed potato mix - 2 bar-stools FUCK-ING. SCORED. Alt. Focus: I'd say probably a Nintendo 64 when they first came out (with Cruisin' USA & Wave Race 64) and/or a new snowboard setup when I was younger.
You lucky bitch. Alright, go ahead and break my heart--which doll did the accessories belong to? Felicity? Kirsten? Molly? If you say Samantha I swear to God I'll off myself. I don't even like dolls, but American Girl dolls back in the day were the SHIT, yo. I'm too old to be truly jealous of you, but I'd be lying if I said I didn't feel just slightly envious of your STEAMER TRUCK FULL OF THINGS. Ugh. Brat. (I kid, I kid...sort of) Best Gift: My laptop. Worst Gift: My estranged Grandmother (long story) sent me some sponges, a bucket, and some soap. The soap was some generic drugstore brand (think Dove, but cheaper), the bucket was huge, and the sponges were the kind of thing you'd find at an auto parts store. No note...but I'm assuming that she thought I needed a sponge bath. Too bad 7-year-olds don't give a fuck about creative methods of bathing.
It was Kirsten. Although my sister did get Samantha stuff. It was the single greatest gift-related moment of my life. The next time I would get this excited was when I lost my virginity.
I have a huge American Girl Place retail store near where I live. That stuff is nearly as expensive as the stuff it simulates. An American Girl pony costs almost as much as an actual pony. I cannot imagine how much a steamer-trunk-full costs. When you think about that moment now do you get images in your head of the eyes of starving children? I do. (I'm in an uncharacteristically Scroogey mood this Christmas, can you tell?)
At my in-laws, we only do a white elephant type gift exchange as the only gift exchanged. So basically, everybody brings one crappy thing, and we all randomly select somebody elses crappy thing. I hate it, maybe I am humorless, but if you only exchange a single gift from the entire family, then please don't give me crap. Over the past few years, here are the highlights....a used do-rag, a half finished latch hook rug, and some unused bullet (OK, that didn't even make it far out of the wrapping paper since I don't want any sort of ammunition in my house).
Sounds like my former roommate. He was notorious for giving people gifts that he wanted himself. The last Christmas that I lived with him and his girlfriend, his big gift to her was a video game. I was with him when he bought it and I knew that he was buying it for himself because the game was a sequel and he was a big fan of the first game in the series. He'd play it online until 2 or 3 o'clock in the morning daily. Christmas morning came. She unwrapped the game, looked at it and handed it to him. He blushed and swore that he wouldn't play it until she'd finished it. He was playing it an hour later.