Just wait until hooker brings up her husband's unlimited rimjobs. I gotta know if this coupon is good even at her grandmother's funeral. And on that note.... mixing banana rum and gin is a bad idea.
Curiously, I just had an ice cub in my vodka tonic explode in my face and send cool, sticky vodka-tonic liquid all over my face and chest. Actually I think it just came on me. What the hell.
Ok. What are you NOT down for? Personally, my only limit is shit. I've cleaned up plenty of vomit (not off my dick, god bless those whores), but shit is just so bad. I'm also a bit selfish so a threesome/orgy would be out, but everything else doesn't seem like a stretch.
An ice cream cone came on me the other day. I was eating a vanilla soft serve cone in one of those cheap wafer/styrofoam cones with a pointy bottom, and when I was down to just the cone and basically giving it oral sex to get the ice cream out of the gross cone I squeezed it a bit too hard and a tiny little hole broke open in the bottom of the cone and milky white liquid spurted out all over my boobs. It was so graphic and remarkably like ejaculation that I started laughing to the point of tears and I was completely alone. I must've looked crazy but I don't care, it was hilarious. It was even the same rhythm, like one big powerful rope to start and then a couple of other bloops with the same arc and splatter and oh man. Just trust me on this one, okay?
I have four hard limits. No shit, no children, no animals, no meat hooks. I don't love threesomes either, but if I'm given proper orders - I won't refuse. Everything else, I'm game.
I have a fully-stocked bar and I question the board what I should drink next. I have gin, rum, whiskey, (good) bourbon, good and generic tequila, gin, several kinds of vodka, dark rum, light rum, coconut rum. Peppermint schnapps, triple sec, grenadine, creme de curacao. I have most mixers as well as most condiments. First to post what I should drink, I drink. No hot sauce involved please. Ready, and go!
No, it was one of those gross wafer cones that feels and tastes like it's made out of styrofoam. Duh.
The afore-posted comment regarding cum is refused on accounts of 1) it is not a liquor, and 2) it is gay as shit. However, regarding the coconut rum and peppermint schnapps, I accept your offer. I am not sure how I can prove this, but just understand that it is currently being poured in a shot glass.... Oh god....
Edit* I'm fucking retarded If you want an excuse to make out with a girl though I suggest peppermint patties (one mouth gets the peppermint schnapps the other gets the chocolate syrup)