I think it comes from a weird combination of this need to be liked by everyone in the room for validation and the fact that girls are extremely competitive. Girls are kind of bred to always be fighting against each other for men and jobs and babies and all that. So they play by the rules they know, which is all that backstabbing fun stuff, and hate on girls who have succeeded in the areas they're struggling with. I've gotten made fun of a few times for admitting that I'm scared to try and befriend new girls for the exact reason that I can never be sure if the way they're acting towards me to my face is at all similar to how they really feel, or to what they'll be saying as soon as I leave. Girls are very judgmental, and I'm always worried that I'm not fill-in-the-blank enough for them. It's so much easier for guys to make and maintain friendships because there are far fewer factors going on. As far as I can tell, there are always only two options with them, like "are you cool or uncool? are you attractive or unattractive?" There isn't as much of that middle ground like there is with girls where things get messy.
Assholes come in all shapes and sizes and the female gender doesn't have a monopoly on it. Don't hang out with assholes.
I don't know if this falls under the category of girls who are "friends" fighting, but... When I was growing up my dad was a bartender/manager at a strip club. When I was a kid I would never forget about him talking about the best fight he had ever seen: two strippers (I am not sure if they were drunk, but I would guess they were) going at it. Hair being pulled out, scratching, blood everywhere. My sister is 19 months younger than I am and was always really popular, so I always heard first hand how mean girls can be to each other.
Anyone else find a certain parallel between the women of this thread bashing other women behind their back, and well, the exact topic of this thread? Of course I'm kidding, I like most of you women-kind here. The rest of em though, god do they suck. I'm pretty much willing to say that I don't think women are ever friends with each other, or in love, or capable of any real emotion other than jealousy. And Mom's don't count as women in this analysis.
It's quite simple, really. I don't want to bore you with the hard science of it, so I'll do my best to put it in layman's terms: Unbeknownst to even most females, the vagina secretes a chemical not unlike battery acid which, contrary to both gravity and normal human bodily functions, actually travels upward, through the body, hitting the ovaries, stomach, boobs, upper boobs, and ultimately the brain, where it acts as a kind of anatomical malt beverage. A vaginal Olde English 800, if you will. At this point, the female brain is instructed to emit a radar-like homing signal that fires out of the nipples like that shit in 'Goldeneye', which was an awesome movie. This nipple beam acts as a psychological agitator that increases the already powerful magnetic field surrounding the clitoris, thereby drawing women together in a heightened aggressive state where they are forced to destroy one another, lest they become forever bound at the pelvis. This is known as Mashed-Together-Puss Avoidance Response. At present, fistfights and bitchery are the only known treatments for the condition, though conspiracy theorists would have us believe that Pfizer developed an inoculation back in '83 that they've kept shelved because girlfights are a primary source of Amazing.
You got to multiply the catty factor by the power of ten if you are talking about sorority girls. It is really mind boggling. The old age thing doesn't hinder it as well. My mom is in her late fifties and from time to time I can see the high school style cattiness come out in full force. Most of the time growing up it was between her and her sisters who weren't raising their kids in the exact white picket fence life she was raising us in (they weren't footing the college bill for their kids so obviously my cousins were never going to be able to have an enjoyable life). She never claimed anyone at her job was out to get her but she did claim to be the most competent hardest worker at the company that had to pick up everyone else's slack. She was one of the first cut when the company downsized last year. Her worst recent example was about two years ago when she asked me to help her unload a bunch of pottery stuff for her at the weekly community center pottery class she took. She introduced me to the teacher and they exchanged pleasantries about how the teacher was leaving the class in the next week to teach somewhere else. The minute the teacher left the room my mom laid this whole conspiracy theory on me about how the teacher was stealing supplies and claiming all of these expensively mixed glazes as her own and so on. She then rushed us out to find another student so she could warn him of the teacher impending thievery. She was the head drama queen at the fucking community center pottery class! I felt like I was in the Twilight Zone.
Most women are huge manipulating, fuck ups that don't have any confidence in themselves nor have the backbone to stand up for anything. Women do the whole catty bull shit behind each other's backs because they are sensitive little creatures that can't take a reality check. They are also not confident enough in themselves to rationally explain how they don't like this person, don't like what this person does, etc. etc. Women like to manipulate to their own will. Women check out other women more than men do. Why? Because every woman is pretty much the enemy. We analyze, disect, and rip the other woman a new asshole because we don't find ourselves "pretty enough" or "smart enough" or "don't have big enough tits". Women hate each other, yet love each other. Thriving on drama is their life. Women could more than likely take over the world if they weren't so damn competitive and catty with each other. There are 3 types of women out there. 1)Women who get along with other women (aka OMGZ I LOVE YOU...*under breath* stupid bitch..) 2)Women who hate other women (someone like me) and 3)women who say they hate other women for the drama, bull shit, etc. etc. but REALLY are type 1 women (the worst of all kind, because no woman likes this woman) You're best luck is finding a woman in category 2, then settle for #1, and if all hopes fail & you really just wanna get laid, go for #3 because in reality, everything you do will be wrong so might as well screw 'em over in whatever way you please.
Plus the mere fact that you hold the royal flush of Boobs, ass, and pussy. Even with an unbeatable hand you girls still can't put down your differences to actually get anything accomplished.
It is for all of the reasons you all have posted that I have approximately 5 really good girl friends and the remainder of my friends are guys. I feel lucky that I've even found that many good girl friends. There are too many girls who thrive on drama and insist they don't do anything to start it. I'm not sure how sleeping with your best friend's boyfriend is not going to cause drama. The girls in my class were particularly catty. At our Christmas Banquet after party I witnessed one girl screaming "DIE BITCH DIE" and spitting at her 'best friend' while being held back by some of her other friends.
That and the fact that they are all stupid or ugly. Hilary Clinton in Sarah Palin's body wins the last election, hands down.
SShhhhh you don't want to give away our trump card! We can just pretend that we really care that much about looks so that they fight endlessly amongst themselves about it. When in reality there is always some guy desperate enough to show them the attention they crave! Ow well it's not like they'll stop the cattiness now....ahahahHAAHAHAHAHAHAAHA (mad scientist laugh)
Wrong, sir. Four of my best friends (all male) are the biggest assholes you'll ever meet and they're also the most loyal and the most straight up when something goes wrong. If there's an issue, they're the ones that will call out the person that fucked up while the passive-aggressive fringe members of the group are the ones that act like girls and do the shit talking behind everyone's back. Those four don't bother with the backstabbing- if someone fucks up badly enough, they're out. Plain and simple. Personally, I'm a huge asshole. Does it border on douchebaggery sometimes? Probably, but everyone around me knows exactly where they stand. I'm also very straight up with my girlfriend when she's out of line and its kept us out of a lot of arguments by nipping small things before they get out of hand. Not to derail the thread with this post- I've got a girl backstabbing story I'll post in the morning when I have time.
Spot on. However, I would like to make note of the whole "mommy issue" that was brought up earlier. It's fucking disgraceful some of the shit that gets carried out in the name of being a good parent, whatever the fuck that means in the first place. Among some of the most vile and dreadful shit that I've heard said is this gem: "If you need a C-section your child wasn't meant to live anyways." Seriously. That's fucking word for word, and the sorry excuse for a mother that said it needs a good kick in the babymaker to keep any more from falling out. Raise your fucking kids the way you feel is right, and so long as you do your best to ensure they don't turn into raving dumbfucks then it's all kosher. Same applies for others, even if you don't feel the same way. Honesty doesn't always coincide with being as asshole. Problem is, that's how it's seen these days by a lot of people, so being a two-faced prick is often considered a better alternative. Being an asshole is riding someone for little things that really and truly don't matter, and being a prick when it's simply not called for. Trying to solve problems with honesty and giving people shit when they fuck up is just being a solid friend.
In my experiences with my friends it seems the behind the back gossip really just mirrors the up front ball busting. One of my best friends is an all around good friend but he is known as a "creeper" by a many a women he tries to wooh while drunk. The kid just isn't a smooth operator. This topic is a source of great laughter among the rest of us and while he is around we rib him for it. He also once, allegedly, tried to get a hooker back to his room while on a college football road trip. This too has been a source of much talk and humor at his expense. These are just a few examples of what I'd consider shady gossip that runs through my group of guy friends. Each of us has similar shit that we've done to warrant ball busting. Though it is done in a much less spiteful manner, if at all, then the way women seem to handle the same stuff. I wonder how many of you really "throw down" and get your fist involved as you say? Ive only known of maybe 2 or 3 times in my entire life that my friends have come to actual blows. All of them weren't even in my core circle of friends who've never fought to my knowledge, just some college buddies from slum ass Dayton. Most of the time the shit comes to a head way before a physical altercation and is then completely forgotten about.
I've examined this phenomenon at length, and here is why I think women do this (and BL1Y has the starting point): Conflict resolution. Any relationship, whether it be family, friends, coworkers, or enemies, is going to involve conflict at some point. It is unavoidable. The difference in how men and women handle that conflict is based both on gender and socialization. Due to testosterone, men tend to be more aggressive physically. And our socialization further underscores this behavior. When men have a conflict, there is always the potential that it will turn physical. Now bear with me. Physical conflict is encouraged and it is by its very nature what we consider to be 'up front.' You will meet a lot of guys that have fought each other at some point. All guys generally know there is a code, you go too far, and you'll be eating someone's knuckles. Being a guy is so much easier, because women don't have more conflicts, and men don't let more shit go, it's just we are able to satisfactorily resolve those conflicts. Women, on the other hand, are taught to avoid conflict. Now given that conflict is unavoidable, well, you can see the frustration that many women must feel. They are constantly taught to be nice and nurturing and caring. A lady doesn't get physical in a confrontation, or have a confrontation at all. But that conflict has to happen, and therefore, women use the only tools that are socially available to them: words. Yes, it's being catty. Yes, men think it's bitchy. The ultimate truth is women are fighting in the only way society permits them to. Anyway, that's my 2 cents. I'm sure insecurity, etc. plays into it, but those are symptoms and not the disease.
H.L. Mencken, a famed curmudgeon and hilariously honest journalist said this: "Misogynist: A man who hates women as much as women hate one another." My experience shows this to be true, for the vast majority of women.
You forgot about the ways involving mud and/or pillows. Women like to vent. They vent however they can to whoever will listen. Guys use booze or DIY projects that never get finished. We all need a release.
You pretty much hit it on the head there, as far as I'm concerned. Difference is, I will vent to the female that annoyed the hell out of me, while the majority of them will wait until the other person walks way. Case in point. Bar I work at, chatting (off the clock, after work) with a regular. They ask me what I think of bartenders. I say A is awesome, B is awesome, C is worthless, don't know D well, but IMHO, she gives too many drinks away to her BF & his friends. I'm off work, drinking.. about 10 minutes later, D comes back to confront me & says she heard I said she was worthless. I calmly stand there and, "Nope. I said C is worthless, you & I both know it, I just know you give too much shit away, and that's the only thing I've said about you, and I've told you that to your face. You know me, I won't say a damn thing behind your back I won't tell you to your face." She walks back in, tells someone who apparently is C's friend that she's full of shit, and kicks her out of the bar. I *don't* have a lot of female friends due to exactly that. If I have an issue with you, I will tell you. I will not talk behind your back, I will tell you to your face. I commented in the other thread that I am friends with a couple guys' wives. One of which, let's call her R, is awesome when she's sober. Get even two drinks in her, she's bound & determined to start shit somewhere.... either someone is hitting on her husband, looking at her wrong, she overheard the wrong thing, the guys are talking about work too much so her hubby isn't paying enough attention to her, whatever. Me, if someone hits on my man, I'll encourage them (threesome?) amd run them off (this is IL, yes, the one time I think she would have taken me up on it I was too freaked to reply, and he's STILL pissed). Looking at me wrong? I could care less. Ditto with overheard. Talking about work too much? Hrm.... there's some nice guys over there playing cards/darts/pool that I could talk to. I don't do clingy. But when I have to deal with R, I'm the one saying STFU. So what if some girl just walked up to the bar... she just wants a drink. So, yeah, they're talking to her, whatever. Calm down. Get over yourself. You didn't complain when so & so bought you a drink! "Yeah, well, I know him... " I hate most women. The only few I talk to are exactly like me. Confident in themselves (for the most part), don't put up with the girl stupid backstabbing crap, etc.
I don't know why the discussion is limited to women talking shit behind the backs of other women; they do the same thing behind men's back too, whether it's about their boyfriend, some guy friend they tolerate but don't really like, their boss or co-worker, etc. The only difference might be that they are sneakier when being deceitful to fellow women, since they pay more attention to body language details than men do. Hence, the big hug, smiles, and compliments followed by full-on Harpy Mode. And sometimes, I'm not even sure how much the complaining is correlated with reality. It might not be how they genuinely feel, but through a combination of jealousy and a desire for attention from the listener, they proceed to paint themselves as a Christ-like martyr and the other person as mean/stupid/insane/slutty/etc. This behavior is true (to varying degrees) for the vast majority of women. However, the intelligent and/or truly nice girls will generally avoid this behavior. If you're always running into females who do this like a bad habit, find some better women.
When I started dating my current (now fiancée) I made it clear that I don't play ball with what I call "Stupid girl shit". That's an all-encompassing term for that catty bullshit that girls like to pull. Now I'm pretty pretentious, but not pretentious enough to sincerely believe that I can personally reform a girl (girlie girl) from being female in the pejorative sense, but I can sure as hell try. On topic; I think it's hilarious how girls hate each other. Its an exercise in infinite criticism and no-win situations. It's stupid. Stupid girl shit. Other concepts which "stupid girl shit" umbrellas: -"What's wrong" 'nothing' when something is clearly wrong. I get what you're trying to do; I really, really do. It's also fucking stupid. -"I just don't understand." - This seems to be a catch-all phrase for "I'm not hearing the answer I want to hear, despite its' logical inconsistencies" No, you understand perfectly, and I don't get where in this universe you believe that should work. I'd think of more, but truly these sort of complaints paint me as a chauvinist; which I am not. I believe in equality. I also don't believe in stupid semantic bullshit. I'm not sure how much I enjoy being jaded or naive. But if it's 'naive' to call your bullshit, then I reckon I like it just well.