You look like The Old Man and The Sea. Find a turtleneck and be able to talk about writing and fishing, as good writing and good fishing are two things of the same token in a man; to be able to write well is the same as when the fishing is good and honest and one truly knows it could be no better. But don't bring up the rotten war, as the war is behind you and you fought bravely and true and the best of you is not lying on that field in Italy.
It takes me the entire month to decorate the outside of the house and it's going to rain tomorrow. For the fourth year in a row. GODDAMMIT.
Sexy corpse Cop. Sexy cop; Nurse. Sexy nurse; Skeleton? Sexy skeleton. Capitalism at it's finest: in case you didn't think Ebola was sexy
I'm being a dust bunny - basically a bunny crossed with a maid. Just going to wear the same base outfit as last year, but with bunny ears and tail. I'm also going to carry around a little duster and smear dark eyeshadow on my body so I look dirty. NSFW
My last patient on my schedule today is Michael Myers. This could b a HIPAA violation or somebody's idea of a joke.
10am on Halloween is the perfect time to just start searching for my blonde wig. With my bra that makes my boobs a full cup size and a half bigger, I can finally fulfill my dream of being a busty blonde! I will actually be wearing more clothing this year than I have in the last two, and will still look far whore-ier somehow. But I cannot pass up this opportunity to finally conduct my experiment of whether a. big-boobed girls make more money at a bar b. blonde girls make more money at a bar c. dressing up as a children's cartoon character with weird sexual stigma behind it negates those two facts. Slutty pony cowgirl costume, here I come!
Or, you could ride a pony like Chelsea Handler's Vladimir Putin's costume. NSFW I bet you'd get lots of tips, then.
Just got home and not a single chocolate bar (out of two 48 bar cases from Costco) was taken. My neighbour saw me pull in the driveway and he came over, said he laughed his ass off because he heard a few groups of kids going by who thought it was a trap of some sort so stayed clear. I might as well have parked a Free Candy Van in my driveway. Gave him a handful of chocolate bars for his kids and am now going to drink a box of wine and perform death by chocolate.
Yeaahhh buddy. I bought $30 worth of candy and had 2 trick or treaters. I live in the middle of the city so you'd think Id have way more, but nope. My front isn't all that inviting and the only decoration I had on it was a piece of computer paper with "Happy Halloween (ring the buzzer)" written on it with a sharpie.
I walked over to a friend's house to drink wine and hand out candy. She went through 6 Costco sized bags, at times the kids were about 20 deep. Never seen anything like it, kids get bussed in to her street for some reason. I'm just about a half mile away but don't get near that amount of traffic.
I know it takes lots of talent and it would see an insane amount of time and effort compiling these videos. I just got bored with the novelty of his concept after his first viral video.
Welp, my costume got screwed. First of all, does anyone know how hard it is to find animal ears on Halloween? It's fucking impossible. So I ended up just being a dumb blonde for Halloween, which honestly wasn't all that bad. People were a. SO much nicer to me and b. thought I was just a little bit retarded. I just knew that blondes got treated nicer... Second of all, I spent so much time trying to find those dumb ears that I ended up nearly being late to work. Took my obligatory 'I'm a stupid blonde bimbo selfie' picture and then had to duck out. Hopefully someone else took pictures, but I was too drunk to know. Then some crackhead beat up my boyfriend outside of my bar, so basically this Halloween can go fuck itself.