I've only achieved the simultaneous poop/vomit once. Thankfully there was a little bin next to the toilet I could pick up. That was a combination of London nightlife and hostel toast.
Is anyone else concerned by the fact that we're at a point where we could actually justify having a Poop Thread? That's how we're doing five years in, TiB. We have so many poop stories that it's cluttering up the rest of the board.
A female friend once told me she had a hangover shit that smelled so bad that she had to turn around and puke on top of the shit. This reminded me of why we're platonic friends.
Unless your knee unhinges and swivels around 360 degrees, please go try to do this without lifting your thigh higher than is required to shuffle along the floor. Sometimes I feel like I'm the only one who has no absolutely revolting shit story of some kind. I have only crapped in locations where polite society indicates it is acceptable to do so, and have no poop stories that involve other people. I'm either living wrong, or very right.
I think it's funny we're arguing about how easy/hard it would be for Popped to open the toilet seat with his leg. And Danger Boy, that's just, that's just gross. How does something like that even come up in normal conversation? I tried to save a little boy that looked lost in town yesterday and the little shit gave me attitude. I followed him for like, 60 seconds max before he turned to me, threw up a "talk to the hand" gesture and said "I am FINE." I was only asking if he was okay and needed help and he gives me 'tude. He looked about 5.
Don't people usually just pee IN the outdoor pool? Also, you're a mom. Don't you carry kleenex in your purse?
Going number 1 in a river, and having some mental trauma because people aren't supposed to pee in the river or in the public. So in the 5 minutes it takes to let em loose, your asshole friends/family take a photo of you.
This reminds me of the little packages of kleenex they sold in China IN PLACE OF stocking public restrooms with toilet paper. Most of the restrooms had coin op dispensers of them. The whole package was no larger than a pack of gum. Some countries just will always be third world animals.
I carried a pack of kleenex and a pack of baby wipes when we were in China. For the most part we didn't need them because our hotels were nice and we managed to live like camels for two weeks, but on the rare occasions where we did have to availa ourselves of the more primitive facilities, we were smart enough to pack our own supplies. I remember one rest stop on our way to Shanghai where the husband went to take a piss and came out of the bathroom laughing. "It was a trough with no running water and no indication of a drain, so it just kept filling up. If we got here three hours from now, I'd have been able to dip my balls in the urine of a thousand previous travelers."
Let me guess how it went down... "hey guys, I'm going to go over here and go pee in the river, ok? that's not weird or gross, it is? you think that's OK, peeing in the river? Because I really have to pee. Here I am, going in the water OH MY GOD ITS COLD! Nothing to see here guys, just me peeing in the river, even though I'm not supposed to, k? Guys? Me over here! Peeing!" "HEY!!! STOP TAKING MY PICTURE!" Betcha if you just said "I'm going for a swim", and did the deed, nobody would be any the wiser.
I wasn't swimming, I was waiting for my daughter to finish her practice. And I carry my purse with me as little as possible. Plus my kids are older, they can get their own damn Kleenex. Although I do have them in there. But still. Why didn't you go in the woods? And that water looks dirty. Probably ebola in it or something. But you're probably fine.
This works until some snotty little shit of a cousin notices you trying to sneak away from everyone else and points it out as loudly as possible. As if pissing in the Lake of the Ozarks is going to make any difference.
This is exactly what happened actually. I snuck off into the water and they were like "why are you just standing there?" "Uhhh....no reason." Busted.
Ok. So I think I maybe mentioned before about my son's coach who screams "Stop being little girls" and "Swing the bat like a man!!!" from the dugout. We went to Myrtle Beach for a national baseball tournament, and it was a really really cool experience. I'm glad we got to do it. However, during the elimination game (it was our 6th game of the week), coach started hollering again about "Swinging like men". I protested - again - saying "Heyyy!" and he went off on me. We exchanged words. It got heated enough that I told one of the other coaches that if it continues, I'm pulling my kid off the field and we're leaving. Game be damned. As I reflected on the incident, I decided to write a letter to the baseball organization...because that man should in no way be able to impact the lives of 14 year old boys. Spoiled for length.... Spoiler "Swing the bat like a man!" "Stop acting like a bunch of little girls!" "Get out there and act like a man, swing like you mean it, stop swinging like a little girl!" "Want some pink socks to go with your girly swing?! Swing it like a MAN does!" Over and over this season, those words have been shouted from the dugout for the Greater Glen Burnie Patriots - a 'coach's' idea of encouragement. 14 year old boys, over and over again this season, have heard one of their bench coaches reinforce the message that girls and women are somehow inferior, and that because the boys struck out, or didn't run fast enough, or whatever is going wrong in the game, they're acting like a bunch of girls. And that's bad, because women are inferior. During a game in Gambrills a few weeks ago, the gem about the pink socks was dropped. The looks from other parents watching the game were telling - it's embarrassing to have a 'coach' (I'm using this term loosely) express such sexist, hateful speech, shouting it angrily from the dugout. It's a poor representation of the team, and it's a dreadfully poor representation of the message that coaches are supposed to send these young men. Two weeks later, after a 1-2-3 inning, the same coach told the team that if they didn't get up in the next at bat and swing like men instead of a bunch of little girls, he was going to have them all bunt. I expressed my distaste for the language by saying "Hey guys. I know some females who swing the bat with authority...keep talking like that, I may show you one." I wanted to be jovial, but also make it known that the was out of line, and unnecessary. This week the GGB Patriots competed in the Baseball Nationals Tournament in Myrtle Beach, South Carolina. During the elimination game on Wednesday, the bats were non-productive. The coach, after one of the offensive halves, screamed (I use this word literally) at the team as they were dressing for the defensive half that they needed to get into gear, "Stop acting like a bunch of girls, and swing the bat like MEN next inning!" I protested, again, saying "HEY!" The coach's response "What? I'll say it. They're acting like girls. GIRLS CAN'T HIT. Don't like that? Too bad. It's the truth. That hurt your little feelings? Get over it, because it's the truth!!" Had he continued, in the middle of an elimination game in a national tournament, I would have removed my son from the grounds. Here's why: 1. The sentiment David Reif Jr. is expressing is horrifically offensive. It's misogynistic, sexist, and emasculating all at the same time. I did not sign my son onto this team and commit $2000 worth of my family's income for a male coach to teach my son to disrespect women. I signed him up to learn more about and to play the game of baseball. 2. David Reif Jr. raised his voice at me in the stands in front of the team and the rest of the audience, and used abusive, sexist language while doing so...unapologetically and without reserve. 3. The other coaches, in their silence, allowed this man to verbally abuse my son and the rest of the team. This is NOT what youth baseball is about. Youth baseball is about learning and honing the game, refining the sport, and enjoying everything baseball has to offer - from the pace of the game to the sunshine on your shoulders to the crack of the bat to the grass rolling underneath a diving catch. Fourteen is a difficult age for a young man. It's the cusp of adolescence and manhood all rolled into one and fueled by the hormones of puberty and shaped by the attitudes of the men around him. Especially now, when so much information is available on how to teach these young men to be good people, good men, having a coach reinforce a sexist attitude is far from ideal. David Reif had the opportunity this season to teach these boys about respect - for themselves and for the people around them - and he blew it. David Reif Jr. has no place in a dugout, and has no place mentoring these kids. Literally nothing he said this season - to any of them - actually improved their game. The entirety of his 'coaching' can be summed up in random outbursts of "Stop acting like a little girl" "Come on kid!!" and "MAN UP!!!!" We will not be rejoining the Greater Glen Burnie Junior Sports League next year, and will advise anyone who asks us for feedback that this is the type of attitude coaches are allowed to teach. If we play with the Chesapeake Baseball Association - it will be with another team and with coaches who are interested in teaching the game, being positive role models, and exemplifying respectful attitudes toward all people, regardless of gender, sexuality, or race. I honestly didn't think the league would take it seriously, as they're kinda good ol' boy. I got an email this morning from the head coach, he wants me to call him to discuss this. I'm loathe to do so because the head coach has a habit of 'forgetting details' of phone calls. Keeping this to email seems appropriate? right?