I was out walking yesterday morning, looking for a newspaper for my wife (since I don't know how to read and all). As I'm walking up Chestnut, there's Babe Heffron. I got to wish him a Happy Memorial Day and thank him for his service. Pretty cool to get to do that in person.
Well, here goes the last day of the board exams. Supposed to last six hours or some stupid shit like that. Holy fuck.
I need one of those Penguin memes: "girl shoots you down... leave sexually suggestive rep points." Wired as fuck off 5 hour energy. Managed to sleep 4 hours. Also, everyone now knows how my balls look kind of like brains. Too bad the cock still looks like an acorn sitting on top of a cantaloupe. Why the fuck do lesbians flirt so damn hard. WHAT ARE YOU TRYING TO TELL ME, GOD? What am I supposed to do with that? My buddy left a case of bud light. I can't decide if he's the best friend ever, or the worst. Free beer, but it's ass piss. This has left me more conflicted than Desmond Tutu at a Dutch gangbang [/Dennis Miller.]
Ahhh, and Memorial weekend fun continues. Drank too many margaritas at the margarita party, when the sweetness was starting to get to me, my friend introduced me to the beer-rita. So, now if there is anyway to cure a tequila hangover that you were using to cure a wine hangover it is with brunch and mimosas or bloody marys. So, is this how alcoholism starts?
It's like slipping into a warm bath. You realize how your real friends are. They don't judge, or manipulate. They love you for who you are. They make you feel elated in ways no human can. Plus they're cool with you hiding them in the toilet tank. Because sometimes you have to keep them cold... in the toilet. In case you run out. Just poured an iced tea, lemonade and bourbon. It's bender time, kids.
I've been judging you since your first post. You should hear the shit we talk in private. Why am I the only one here drinking on a Sunday? Fuck. This IS how it starts. Anybody else get incredibly horny on hangover day? I've had this problem ever since I was a lad... drinking. Insert incest joke here.
Trying to decide if this should be a drinking Sunday or a lazy Sunday. Birthday party maybe on deck, but I won't know that many people there. And the people I've met through the ones I know have all been somewhat catty guys (birthday dude is gay and often rolls with a lot of gay people). On the other hand, booze. Maybe cake?
They can eat cake out of your ass. That's what gay people do, right? Yeah. Awesome. this is a drinking Sunday. You'll be the bell of the ball. Dress like Mammy from Gone With The Wind. I'm sorry. I'm gonna go take a shit now.
Do people really like this horse shit? Andy Samberg IS NOT FUNNY.AT.ALL. The movie explosion was his funniest "song" and that was only saved by Will Farrell. Fuck he is retarded, isn't this the elephant in the room? He's got down syndrome. Maybe that's the whole joke?
Friend's birthday was a success: - There was a piñata full of Slim Jims, the hilarious part was that pretty much no one there equated Slim Jims with the Macho Man or even knew that he died, including the person who bought them. My buddy broke protocol and leaped at the piñata wit the blindfold on swinging wildly, he tripped him self up and broke the piñata by drunkenly falling on it. - There was a delicious booze filled trifle, we stole the recipe - There was a cheap beer drinking contest that I mercifully stayed out of. - I have a really loud friend that was annoying the shit out of the musicians playing in the small bar we were at. The singer said he was dedicating his next song to my friend, the song wasn't funny at all, it was downright creepy, my friend didn't know how to handle it. My favorite: - Before my loud friend got there, I established a drinking game with everyone that we were going to take a drink every time he had to retell a joke to his deaf girlfriend, we all got hammered.
Sploosh. I just realized that the last 5 pictures taken with my phone are all of food. I'm such a fatty.
Yay! Big storm sweeping through! This could make my day interesting. When it storms, the video store I work at gets busy. That being said, I am potentially working tonight. They said they'd call if they need me, and I'd work 6 to 11, if they're busy. If they're not busy, I'm not working, and I can go to my brother's house for a poker game tonight. Get hours at work and get paid, or hang out with my friends playing poker. I'm torn. I went into today thinking there's no way I'll work. Its the day before a holiday, and it was supposed to rain in the morning at get really nice in the evening. Of course, if it rains, I don't know what the fuck will happen. Oh, and I can't even drink because I can't go to work drunk.
That's one of the better ones, honestly. They could have named him something shitty like Dick, thus fucking with him for the rest of his life. Oh, and I went to church this morning. They have this children's liturgy thingy where all the kids are taken to the back to color pictures of Jesus, and one kid gets to hold the book on the way there. What was the little girl's name? Dillin. (Dillen? who knows) Parents are fucking retarded.
My favourite was a realtor bus bench I used to pass every night on the way home from work. The agent's for real name was "Dimpy Aurora." Lucky him/her!