O Dorito, why are you so delicious? I will defend that are nutritious You are orange and you are nacho Crunchy and a shapely triangelo I will eat you -- get in my belly Alas, you might make my fart smelly
Nooo! I have an understanding with these people. I didn't bring alcohol to a party, I brought alcohol to hide. Freakin RA's probably had a party off my booze.
A couple years after I moved out my RA got booted because he was drinking with a guy and girl in their dorm. The guy (not the RA) later date raped her. Goodbye RA.
So the party wound up being gayer than expected. By that I mean it ended up gogo boy big screen gay porn gay.
I just saw the Hangover Part 2, what a waste of money. It was like watching the first movie, but it was in Thailand and all the jokes and gags are the same. The differences are lady-boys, full frontal exposure of lady boys, and a monkey smoking a cigarette. If you're thinking about going to see the movie, don't. Stay at home and watch tv. I promise you staying home is more entertaining than that movie.
Sweet Fuck. I had never actually given thought to the "Shart" until now. So I'm watching the latest ep of "Game of Thrones", and Dany is hot, and that scene with the two whores got me a decent chub, but I've run out of my drink of choice, so I get up to make another one. I also start doing dishes, seeing as how the vast majority of my housekeeping gets done when I'm drunk and can ignore it (thank you drunk me). I'm standing there, hand washing a wine glass from the other night, when I feel the need to fart. Being a bachelor, alone in my domicile, I squat just a tad, see if I can get a good bass note, or some resonance. Suddenly, shit is coursing down my leg. I lost my shit (literally) and shuffle-sprinted to the bathroom. Luckily, nothing got below the knee. It just surprised the living hell out of me. I've always, in the past, been able to distinguish between poop and flatulence. Diarrhea will give you it's signature gut cramps first. This had no warning signs, other than sudden shit on my leg. Thank fuck I wasn't out tonight, or with anyone. Thank fuck it didn't dribble on the carpet. I won't be able to fart without fear for at least a month. Edit: you ever post embarrassing stuff online while drunk, then go back and edit it's grammar? I'm a piece of work...
Anyone ever notice that 95% of girls' comments on other girls' facebook pictures is some form "you're so beautiful!"? And the other 5% is some form of "miss you!"?
Speaking of sharts... I happened to watch a stupid movie called Hall Pass last night. I will admit that I found it to be pretty funny in a lot of parts, if not too over-the-top in others. But one of the funniest scenes I saw in it was with Andy from the office bringing home a thong-wearing crazy chick with "stomach cramps". It was fucking FUNNY. "I think I'm going to sneeze."
As the shart guy, not to nitpick, but that's not Ed Helms (Andy from the Office), that's Jason Sudeikis from SNL.
Has anyone ever drunkenly scooped cat litter at 3:30am because your cat made threatening scratching noises in the living room corner because her shit box was full? *raises hand*
My bad. I was drunk, and it had the other chick from The Office. And I don't watch SNL ever since they got rid of the Bass-O-Matic or Samuri Delicatessen. I like my humour like my women... simple.
I drunkenly scoop cat litter at 3:30 AM because Drunk me does the shitty tasks that sober me hates, so I don't have to remember doing them. Remember all those Drunk Me/Sober Me threads we DON'T need to revive? That's something drunk me does that I love about him.