I've got a serious fucking dilemma on my hands... Something needs to be fixed in the house and I can't find my duct tape. Shit!
I routinely fix most of my household or mechanical problems through a combination of duct tape, electrical tape, zip ties and cut sections of bicycle tire inner-tubing.
Crisis averted. Time to drink. I'm grilling today. I'm working on a method to efficiently impart some smoke into rapidly cooked meats like steaks and chops, so it's time to experiment with wood chips. Bourbon barrel chips? Yes. Working in the shop this evening? Yes. Party tonight? Yes. This is shaping up to be quite the Saturday!
So, are you going to eschew moderation in dressing up and being classy and go in white tie and top hat?
That cyclist is a fucking moron. He's not only put the green movement back a few years but the cycling community. In other news, I'm so fucking hungover it's killing me. Not only that but my landlord has a guy over who is using a jack hammer to drill out the plumbing in the basement floor. It's the worse combination of effects ever. In other news, last night was awesome. I got insane drunk and didn't pay a cent; I love my friends.
I fail to see how the green movement has been put back. The take-home message here is that solar cars save on gas, and injure annoying cyclists with greater efficiency. Even the most large hat-wearing Albertan cowboy can get behind that.
Let me tell you how much not drinking sucks: A lot. I don't know if life is actually better when I'm drinking, or if alcohol deadens the parts of my brain that process boredom and despair. I'm only drinking one day a week (Thursdays) until I lose 10 pounds, 2 down, 8 to go. Gotta make sure Thanksgiving doesn't screw my diet too terribly, because I need to lose this weight before Christmas. No way I'm making it through that holiday without a vat of whiskey.
I will be cracking a 40 oz. of Crown Royal very soon, then it's snot-hanging, pants-around-the-ankles drunk time. 1980's style sleaze, with the lamp shade on the head and whatnot. There's a LOT of hipsters downtown that will feel my wrath tonight. My goal is to make somebody cry.
Fuck last night. I'm going to save myself a lot of money by humping a pillow and tweaking my own nipples. Fucking strip clubs.
All I'm drinking tonight is water. I had 3 martinis last night and woke up this morning with acid reflux - it was NOT pleasant at all. I finished off the vodka that'd been entombed in the icebox in the fridge - I knowit was mine because my parents don't drink vodka. It is also hot enough to be extremely unpleasant... Fuck.
Remember in a PM when I said how freaky is that we had so much common? I think it's safe to say that we are NOTHING alike now. My night should be pretty cool, my gf's friend from home is up and we're going to hit up some Italian food in the North End tonight with my buddy and his gf. Unlike the gf's college friends, this one has a personality so I'll be drinking for fun instead of boredom tonight.
Anatomy of a worst case scenario: I completely forgot about the marinade. Fortunately, my wonderful wife got me some kind of insta-marinader that uses a vacuum pump, but up until now I had only using it for putting hickeys on people in embarrassing locations. We'll see how this goes. I'm not overly optimistic.
See this right here? That is a delicious pie baked from scratch (that is right, I created the universe) with apples picked off the tree 30 minutes before. Fucking awesome. Picked 30 lbs from the tree, and there is another 60lbs to go. Plus, the in-laws got us a 4 month anniversary present: an Absolut Vodka flavor sampler for the lady, and a handle of Knob Creek for me.