Get 2-3 Haas avacados, cut em, rip em, peel em, ditch their pit and throw them in a bowl with: Tiny bit of cilantro jelepano cut up small (amount depends on how spicy you want it) finely chopped onion Small amount of FINELY chopped garlic (optional) Handful of small mango bits. Probably not YOUR hands, since you are a rather large man. ...mash that with a fork or whatnot until it's completely mixed with a creamy texture. Throw in some sea salt, squeeze out the juice of one to two entire limes into the mix then finally very small-- maybe a pinch-- of cumin. Mix with fork again. And.... Boom. Not that hard, and I am no special dude in the kitchen. This will get wolfed down at parties in record time, I kid you not.
Walked through the drive through at taco bell last night with my friend. I hadn't ate taco bell in years, but when you're drunk and hungry and MacDonalds is closed you gotta go to plan B. Unfortunately plan b had me running to the bathroom this morning. I had no idea I could sprint in my tiny ass apartment but I did. Btw Dorito Los Tacos? Still don't get it. Maybe if I was stoned I'd understand.
Disgusting. Your asshole probably looks like JFK in the Zapruter Film. "Notice what happens after Doritos Los Tacos. Back and to the left. Back and to the left. Back and to the left..." My new favorite summer beer is Kalik. It's from The Bahamas so you'd think it tastes like sweaty nuts, but it is actually a great lager. The world is plagued with so many shitty lagers, gives the good ones a bad rap.
Careful with that one. There's a reason life in the Bahamas moves so slowly and all the natives are lazy -- they're all hungover as shit from Kalik. I'd have less of a hangover if I spiked MD 20/20 with everclear than if I drank a bunch of that crap. Kalik is good if you're having a few, but if you drink it any type of large quantity, you better prepare to hate life for the next few days.
I'm up in Boston to surprise my best friend for her birthday. I came up with her parents and now I'm drinking wine with her mom in the hotel room while we're waiting for her to bother to show up. HUMPH. I wish her mom would appreciate how seamlessly I'm incorporating rap lyrics into our conversation.
I will buy you a drink if you can slide some Lil Jon into that conversation. Specifically, "to the sweat drop down my balls".
So I told a guy that came in today for Viagara to "Have a GREAT weekend, Mr. Smith!" I didn't think much of it until he quickly looked at me, giggled a little bit, then rushed off. Now, I do intentionally say that kind of stuff to the teenagers coming in for the 2-pack of condoms because I think it's funny (and yes, I know, immature) but when they make a point of telling me they are old enough to buy them, I tend to get my amusement in little ways. But I would never intentionally embarrass someone over something they have no control over. I felt bad and said something to the pharmacist and he said "yeah, I noticed". What!!?? He was supposed to ease my conscience and tell me I was over-thinking it. The guy has a very distinct name so I will always remember this when he comes in. The ED drugs are always funny when guys come in to pick them up. I get one of two reactions. The one where the guy is practically shouting what he needs and doesn't care who knows it, or the one like this guy where the name of the drug won't even pass his lips and instead of telling me what he needs (his prescription wasn't ready), I have to watch him go through every card and piece of paper in his wallet so he can pull out this teeny, tiny piece of paper about 1/4"x1" with his script number written on it so I can look it up that way. Well, and there was this one 40-year-old guy who looked me dead in the eye as I handed him his prescription. Creepy and ballsy, yet I couldn't look away. It's certainly an interesting job. I'm never bored.
It's going pretty well, actually, Ms. Miller! I've been working at Planned Parenthood and people always ask the silliest questions. "If that ho don't swallow kids, is she basic-ally pregnant?"
No, there's no age limit. But he said it before I could even say anything, almost defensively. Like I was going to question him and his prophylactic choices.
I forgot just how great a couple day beers were...hit the spot. Had to stop myself before I got too tipsy. I also stopped by the street where Ariel Castro kept the 3 females. The media is still out in droves. What a strange vibe...couldn't stay too long. Eek
Do you think you will fart in the plane on the way up? For me? It only gets real when that door opens up.