This is both the best and worst news ever. On one hand, that arrogant, Lilliputian imp laid those tiny little hands on her. On the other hand we know now that there is a possibility for a Selena Gomez lesbian sex tape in the future. Current notoriety or not, I do not see how any post-adolescent woman with a functional mind could date Bieber, let alone see his appeal. You complain to me that Gomez looks underage, Bieber completely looks like a 13 year old boy in all physicalities and mentality. He looks like rotten fruit that fell off Warwick Davis' family tree. Top it off with that lovely personality of "impish brat", well, that's got to get loins revving.
Allow me to cushion the blow for you: Biebs is from Stratford, a Norman Rockwell-esque town about a forty minute drive North-East from my house. His mom is a teen mom substance-abuser and his dad is a loser who ditched his mom after knocking her up. She raised him as a baby in a Salvation Army shelter here in town which just closed after she wouldn't donate any money to save it because she was "Waiting for her book sale royalties to come in". Fact. So, thanks to you too. Back to dad: Smart move on his part ditching that meal ticket, huh? He belongs to a crew known in Stratford as the "Downtown Dirtbags". You know, the kind of drunk losers who hang out on cement staircases smashed in broad daylight and make kissy-kissy noises at any female that walks by who isn't attached to an oxygen canister. He's been in the paper a few times for Drunk & Disorderly, I think one bar even filed a restraining order against him on St. Patrick's Day. You can just picture how that scene started: DAD: "you know who I am? DO YUH?!?!? I'm the BIEBS' FATHER!!" WINO: "Yeah, sure. We're ALL that rich little fag's father here, Rummy." So, that's what Biebs was shat out from. A great chemistry spilled out those genes. There are two things about small towns in Ontario: 1) Meth 2) Girls can get pregnant just by standing downwind from guys
Now I'm waiting for an army of 14 year old girls to descend on this place like horrible spelling locusts to defend their idol armed with nothing but text-speak and indignation that we might rip such a humble Christian boy like Justin Bieber. "H8trz, STFU! U AINT KNO HIM! Ill fuk u all up, cause YOLO, bitchz!!"
So what youre saying is, in 3-4 years we can expect never-ending bombardment of news reports chronicling his downward spiral from drugs and poor money management? No way, I dont believe it. I know the type, except in my hometown, we called them "raggies." #omgluv4justin #beliebers #baybayyy
Your knowledge of current entertainment gossip is really disappointing. They got back together. #truluv4eva# Or something like that.
... ...... From hell's heart I stab at thee!! For hate's sake I SPIT MY LAST BREATH AT THEE!!!! So I finally got a copy of Gone Girl from my local library. It's been a year wait to read this since it came out last June. To celebrate my joy, some nasty, low life mother fucking mother fucker left a fat booger with a gnarly black hair stuck to it on page 53. I have never read two pages so fast in my life. No idea what they even said because all I could think of was that snot rocket loosening itself off the paper to fall on my leg. Fuck you, people. Just fuck you.
Sitting on my stoop (fuck, I really wish I had an actual porch), drinking a white russian (as I guess is appropriate), and enjoying the sun. Nice to have a break between finals. Just finished watching Jeff Who Lives at Home, which I really enjoyed. I can't find gomez attractive at all. Still calling for Bieber to turn into the next timberlake when he grows the fuck up, but it's starting to look like he may just be a douche. Guess we'll see.
So what it was only in the mid forties today. I still enjoyed my first round of golf (aka excuse for outdoor day drinking) this season. Sunk a thirty five foot put today! Yes indeed, my putting does resemble a person who's job is the suprvision and motivation of others that are subservient to him.
What the fuck is up, idiots? I am about to nap. Going to mass with ze mama and papa totally took it out of me. The highlight of the event was the lady in the choir working the rainmaker. Yes, in mass the highs and the lows are hard to tell apart.
One of my high school acquaintances had a son today. His name? Quintus. This poor kid is probably already getting wedgies in the hospital nursery.
According to my dentist I show signs of grinding my teeth while I sleep, so he got me mouthguard to alieviate that. I took a nap this afternoon with it in, and it wasn't as uncomfortable as he said it would be, which is a plus - I fell asleep about as easy as usual. The bad news is that my mouth salivates like one of Pavlov's dogs when I've got the thing in and when I woke up there was a little wet spot of drool next to my pillow. We'll see if that thing goes back in my mouth after that.
He's going to end up being called Quin and be completely fine. It's actually kind of a cool name. Although I'm totally biased because my middle name is Quinn...
Excuse me sir, he played a Preatorian prefect, the commander of the Praetorian Guard. I understand that as someone who references Gladiator, you probably have little appreciation for historical accuracy but Quintus would appreciate it. Edit: Oh and that shit only refused Commodus a sword because he knew if he hadn't the crowd would have swarmed the pit and shoved it up his traitorous arse.
Your Mondays are my Wednesdays. Know whats worse? Your Saturday is my Monday. You dicks with Bankers hours and Monday-Friday..
What's even more fun is when the day of the week means literally nothing too you anymore so you basically forget what they are.