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Holiday Drunk Thread

Discussion in 'General Discussion' started by Nom Chompsky, Dec 6, 2013.

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  1. Currer Bell

    Currer Bell
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    Bacon and a mimosa is helping to mitigate my 5 hours of sleep.

    Merry Christmas you adorable idiots!
     
    #1601 Currer Bell, Dec 25, 2013
  2. Juice

    Juice
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    Moderately Gender Fluid

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    Merry Christmas TIB!

    Got the manliest Christmas gifts ever:

    -Golf clubs
    -Stoeger Cougar .40 semi automatic
    -Power drill
    -Multi tool
    -Flannel shirts
    -Assorted beef jerky
    -Cabelas gift card
     
    #1602 Juice, Dec 25, 2013
  3. toddamus

    toddamus
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    I feel manlier just from reading that. Ron Swanson would be proud.
     
    #1603 toddamus, Dec 25, 2013
  4. CharlesJohnson

    CharlesJohnson
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    I got a rock.

    Actually, I got a real surprise. Got my monitor upgraded to a flatscreen LED. My old one is a good 10 years old and weighs approximately 36,000 pounds judging by the hernia I received lifting it off the desk.

    Maybe next year I will upgrade my 2002 Nokia cell. Technology is frightening.

    Missing from Juicy's list: toilet paper. Sheets.
     
    #1604 CharlesJohnson, Dec 25, 2013
  5. happyfunball

    happyfunball
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    overly defenCive stuffed cougar

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    I think my nephew is on drugs. He's all sweaty and telling me how he wants to go live in the rain forest with the aboriginals. And chew on nicotine roots.

    My brother is watching The Rifleman and playing with the remote control recliner my dad got.

    I bought my daughter a dress that I was hoping she wouldn't like since it would then be mine. That's how you do it right? Unfortunately she really liked it. Damn.

    Now we are waiting for my other brother and kids to get here, then we can eat!

    Merry Christmas.
     
    #1605 happyfunball, Dec 25, 2013
  6. lust4life

    lust4life
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    The only thing missing is the duct tape. Did you check your stocking?
     
    #1606 lust4life, Dec 25, 2013
  7. DannyMac

    DannyMac
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    Disturbed

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    Merry Christmas folks!

    I got some running accessories (headphones and a headband for the cold) as I fight to get my wide ass back into shape for next year
    A new laptop bag
    An Apple magic mouse for my laptop
    A shitpot of video games (GTA V, Bioshock 2 & Infinite, Halo 4)
    New golf balls
    A GT golf head cover
    GT vs. Notre Dame tickets

    And then some gifts for the wife that were kind of for both of us

    A grill cover (to go on the new grill we will now order)
    An Apple Airport Extreme with 2GB Time Capsule
    Tickets to see The Book of Mormon
     
    #1607 DannyMac, Dec 25, 2013
  8. kuhjäger

    kuhjäger
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    So I got jägerette a bracelet from Tiffany.

    How many stripper blow jobs does that allot me in Vegas?
     
    #1608 kuhjäger, Dec 25, 2013
  9. Kubla Kahn

    Kubla Kahn
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    Did I just shit myself?

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    We talking dollars for dollars? Because you'll probably be sad as to how few you'll get.
     
    #1609 Kubla Kahn, Dec 25, 2013
  10. toddamus

    toddamus
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    When I was in Vegas last spring my buddy got two lap dances at the Spearmint Rhino for $100. Use that as the measuring stick.

    Looking at Tiffanys prices you may be due for a drunk handjob.
     
    #1610 toddamus, Dec 25, 2013
  11. kuhjäger

    kuhjäger
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    No, I mean morally.
     
    #1611 kuhjäger, Dec 25, 2013
  12. scotchcrotch

    scotchcrotch
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    OR you could buy an empty Tiffany box online for $5 and save yourself thousands by getting an equal in quality bracelet from Sam's Club.
     
    #1612 scotchcrotch, Dec 25, 2013
  13. Crown Royal

    Crown Royal
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    Just call me Topher

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    Yeah, well I got all three treasuries by The Oatmeal. Score.
     
    #1613 Crown Royal, Dec 25, 2013
  14. Crown Royal

    Crown Royal
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    Just call me Topher

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    Am I a jerk for not liking ham at all, even at Christmas?
     
    #1614 Crown Royal, Dec 25, 2013
  15. CharlesJohnson

    CharlesJohnson
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    What the fuck is wrong with you people? What is the fascination with ham? On its own it is quite disgusting. Then some sick bastard thought to make marshmallow sweet potato casserole to go with it. This is America's contribution to the culinary world.

    Christmas is for wild game, roast, or something's baby. If I was cooking suckling pig I'd make the mother watch it rotate on the spit, somehow this sorrow enhancing the flavor. Then turn the mother into bbq sandwiches while I jerk off on its bones.

    My prime rib is resting while everything else cooks. Now that I'm a little buzzed on Vacquyeras wine it's time to make Hollandaise. Because anything green should be slathered in lemon butter sauce.
     
    #1615 CharlesJohnson, Dec 25, 2013
  16. Kubla Kahn

    Kubla Kahn
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    Did I just shit myself?

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    Honey baked hams are the fucking shit. Fuck is wrong with people on the internet just having to hold an opposing view to feel special? Ham is the shit. Shitty recipes are shitty recipes.
     
    #1616 Kubla Kahn, Dec 25, 2013
  17. Crown Royal

    Crown Royal
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    Just call me Topher

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    Yeah we are having prime rib tonight and I am just A-okay with that.
     
    #1617 Crown Royal, Dec 25, 2013
  18. Trakiel

    Trakiel
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    Call me Caitlyn. Got any cake?

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    My Christmas dinner consisted of steak. With a side of steak.

    I refuse to apologize for this.
     
    #1618 Trakiel, Dec 25, 2013
  19. bewildered

    bewildered
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    Yeaaaaah prime rib is in the oven. And my sis got that on sale because she's awesome so it will taste extra good.

    I'm about to play some Small world with my people before gorging later. Happy christmas y'all.
     
    #1619 bewildered, Dec 25, 2013
  20. audreymonroe

    audreymonroe
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    The most powerful cervix... in the world...

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    So, my best friend's mom gave me this as one of my presents:



    Yes, it's the script for a 1976 educational VHS called VD Blues for health teachers to teach about STDs. It was hosted by Dick Cavett and it's as incredible as it sounds.
     

    Attached Files:

    #1620 audreymonroe, Dec 25, 2013
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