I can't, I'm saving myself for marriage. How about anal?

Alright, everyone fess up. The real purpose of this thread was for us to have a medium through which we can all flaunt our knowledge of anal sex/sexual organ euphemisms.

And what's all this nonsense about some people thinking anal is gross because it just so happens to be an "exit"? Hell, I won't even go near a girl's pooper if it's not a little dirty. As the saying goes, "Anilingus is like bananas--if it ain't got a little brown on it, it ain't ready to eat."

 

Having just finished Sperm Wars, I would venture to guess that you managed to trick millions of years of evolutionary training of attempting to evaluate the health of your partner's vagina into smelling a fistfull of shit. SHIT. And upon smelling that SHIT your body said "what the fuck! This isn't going to reproductively beneficial, I'm outta here!"

Honestly, I'm not a fan of any part of my body, save my own asshole (and that briefly) having shit on it. And really, I don't think a woman who has only had anal has lost her virginity. I mean really, Virginity and Vagina, both start with the letter V. What other proof do we need?

 

How is anal not just as much (more) of a violation as good ol' vaginal sex? How do you justify letting a dude ram you in the stink and still calling yourself a virgin? At least if you fuck the pink there's no potential for the Tucker Max Tries Anal story to happen to you.

The only reason I could see it being justified is pregnancy scares. The only reason. Saving your pussy for marriage for the sake of it is illogical as hell, and cruel to your man.

 

Hey man, I agree. Gastrointestinal tract is gastrointestinal tract. Just two ends of the same continuous pipe.

As far as I can see there are several proposed definitions for "Sex that magically dispels virginity" and I'm just going to try and lay them out explicitly (KICKASS ITS TIME FOR EXPLICIT SEX)

NSFW

[PORN THAT'S VERY EXISTENCE CALLS INTO QUESTION GOD'S EXISTENCE] enjoy your one free pass, I just maintained the virginity of your eyeballs

Here are all the possible levels that I can imagine that could be used to determine what kind of sex eliminates virginity, and I've listed them from strictest to most lax. The format is: Conditions of the type of activity that will discount virginity (Examples of such a discuounting activity if this is the rule that determines virginity)

• Everyone is a virgin no matter what they've done
• Must involve a dick in a vagina with no form of contraception (Procreation only)
• Must involve a dick in a vagina with no condom (Previous and Vaginal with birth control)
• Must involve a dick in a vagina (Previous and Vaginal with condom)
• Must involve deposition of jizz within an orifice (Previous and Anal/Blowjobs without condom)
• Must involve ejaculation within a body cavity (Previous and Anal/Blowjobs with condom)
• Must involve humping (Previous and Pulling out)
• Must involve any action of penetration of an orifice (Previous and Just the tip)
• Must involve at least one person directly causing another person to orgasm. (Previous and Handjobs)
• Must involve at least two people both attempting to achieve orgasm (Previous and mutual masturbation/Facials)
• Must involve two people becoming aroused together and acting upon it (Previous and Making out and other activities where clothes are optional)
• Must involve two people getting aroused by each other's presence (Previous and any sort of heightened mental state caused by the other)
• Must involve two people who are aware of each other's presence (Previous and sensory awareness of the other)
• Must involve two people (Previous and mutual metaphysical existence)
• Must involve two theoretical people (Previous and the theoretical possibility of one or both people existing)
• No one is a virgin

Wherever you draw the line of "Well, a person could still be a virgin and have done that" every item above it will, by your definition, dispel virginity while every line below it will not.

As far as I'm concerned you're still a virgin until you've fucked a colostomy hole. Congratulations Misanthropic, us virgins envy and fear your terrible acts of organ defilement.

 

I'm struggling to resist the urge to post a pictoral response to each of these statements...

Fuck it, you don't have to click the NSFW button. Right? Right?!!? God dammit.

Sigh..

NSFW

NO YOU

NSFW

You really don't need to see the next one, turn back now. For me?

NSFW

Well, I tried.

Does anyone else think about Hank Hill talking about his narrow urethra when you see this?

 

Hold on - have we gone 11 pages of discussing anal sex without one mention of shitpussy?

Also: after 11 pages of discussion, I think it's been reinforced that virginity is predicated on an irrational metaphysical concept that there's something fundamentally different about you after you've had a dick stuck in your pussy, or stuck your dick in a pussy. Of course, it doesn't help that there are plenty of metaphysical claims made about those states, as if not having had a dick stuck in your pussy were somehow a surrogate marker for how virtuous you are.

See now, this whole one end is less virginal than the other end makes no sense. Anal is considered less virginal, but there's a whole lot more to experience upstairs, so to speak, as well as a whole lot less work to do (on my end). The mouth secretes its own lube, the only bacteria are oral anaerobes which are not particularly virulent, there's a giant freaking muscle right down the middle that does plenty of work, and the oris orbicularis isn't quite a full sphincter which far more easily accomodates your wang than the internal and external anal sphincters. Not to mention, the whole taste bud - gag reflex - swallowing triad makes for a far more up close and personal / in your face experience than anal.

Like I said - metaphysics. There's no basis for the stratification of anal, oral, and vaginal sex.

 

aww c'mon that's my favorite drinking game, right up there with "did I pull out" and "how far is my apt from here?"

 

Because if it makes her feel better about herself I don't give a shit. As long as she's fresh out of the shower and hasn't eaten anything spicy that day (you don't want to wake the brown dragon) I'll put it wherever she wants me to put it.

To quote my buddy who had to sit there and watch and hope as his beloved Eagles got shellacked last night:

De Nile is a wonderful place to live in.

 

A friend of mine says that her test of if a guy is fun or not is if she's deep throating him and she gags, does he pull her head down harder or get squicked by the vomit?

I've fucked a girl doggy style who was so drunk that she got motion sick and puked. I've given mouth to mouth to a girl who half an hour earlier, I was trying to convince to fuck me, and had her throw up in my mouth.

There is a famous (well sort of famous, on 4chan) image of a guy who stole a skull from the Parisian crypts and later scull fucked the eye hole. As anyone who's played with real skulls knows - unless you've got a really small dick, that shit isn't as much fun as it might sound.

Only if you're using a purity test as a de-facto score card.

 

I loathe it when people post IM conversations, but I decided to pose this question to a friend:

That about settles it.

 

This must be an American thing... Here in Australia i've never come across a chick thats offered me her cinnamon ring in place of her snatch... ive been offered both or just the snatch but never just the dumper.

I discussed this with a few mates last night as well and not one of them had come across this either. We all went to a co-ed private catholic school as well, so i figured there'd be at least one story about this phenomenon, most of the girls in school were fucking by yr10 but taking it in the ass was always out of the question for these girls (believe me i asked plenty), i had to wait till i was 21 to finally get some ass action.

Seems to have more of a stigma associated with it here... or perhaps im just not hanging out with enough crazies who like it in the ass

 

Reminds me of a conversation I recently had with a friend's girlfriend.

SaintBastard: What do you do?
LovesAnal: Anything but anal.
SaintBastard: Funny.
LovesAnal. Haha. I'm just kidding. I love it.

She was a keeper.

Focus: Of course not. I also never understood why girls offering anal over the vag. If anything, it should be the other way around and girls should save anal for marriage. That's something you share with someone you love.

 

"I love you so much that I want to feel like I'm pooping you out of my ass. Because you and I are one being and I'm being the person, you're being my poop. I never truly loved my poop until you came along. Kiss me, poopface."

Sounds about right to me.

I like saying poop. Poop, poop, poop.

 

Licking asshole - fun that night when my tastebuds were already out of order courtesy of Bacardi 151. Not something I've done or will do sober.

I always considered anal sex just as deflowering as vaginal sex, but not so much oral sex. After reading this thread though, I'm not sure where I stand.

I don't really care whether or not a girl is at peace with herself/her God/whatever. So I'll figure out my answer by asking myself this question:

Would I rather my next girlfriend had sucked 20 dicks, fucked 20 dicks, or been fucked in the ass by 20 dicks?

Based on my aversion to each of the above I'd say:

fucking 20 dicks is not virginal
fucked in the ass by 20 dicks is not virginal but bonus points for the increased likelihood of me fucking her in the ass
sucking 20 dicks is kind of virginal

I have a friend who says the anus is an 'out hole not an in hole'. I think he must be a closeted homosexual. If you have a clean asshole in front of you, and you know what you're doing, I don't see anything wrong.

 

I propose another question: We all know never to go ass-to-mouth; however, is tossing a girl's salad considered going ass-to-mouth? If you toss a girl's salad, then make out with her, is that ass-to-mouth-to-mouth?

Also, I agree with Allord.

 

I had a friend of mine who used to love that stuff. Described it as sticking your tongue on a 9 volt battery.

 

Is he eating the ass of the Energizer bunny?

 

I'm pretty sure no one can get the tongue up anyone's urethra. Ever. Male or female. Unless catheters are your partner's weird fetish.