I wish I was a little bit taller, wish I was a baller

I'm a ginger with super pale skin. I hated this about myself until I was about 17 or 18. Then my best friend, who tans year round, grew some melanoma that had to be excised from her back. Now I'm okay with being pale and thus less likely to develop skin cancer (and y'all thought I was just afraid of communicable diseases). However, it does little to hide general flaws, like stretch marks, and I have an eye for flaws.

Also, I'm not as thin as I once was. After my first break up with my nutter butter ex boyfriend, I went down to 130 at 5'7". Now I'm sitting at about 165, and my abs have been replaced by some T&A. Any female friend that hears me whining tells me to shut the fuck up. I don't whine to my male friends because no guy has ever complained to me about not feeling pretty, and I return the favor. I'm also really bad at stroking egos, so I try not to put people in a position where they feel the need to stroke mine.

Except for the possible return of my abs, there's nothing I'd change. I have massive hair that needs no styling, pale skin that's fantastic for tattooing, thin ankles instead of the dreaded cankles, small hands, an even complexion. I'm basically in love with myself.

 

Focus: Oh, you know, the usual: Too short, too fat, too wrinkly, thin hair, furrowed brow, too short lashes, odd nose, crooked and yellowed teeth, odd chin, ears stick out too far, short waisted, high waisted, weirdly shaped flat butt, odd labia, stretch marks, terrible knee folds, cellulite, cracked heels, bad toenails, saggy boobs, odd nipples, ugly armpits, bad skin, big pores, visible veins.

This really should go in the body image thread, but there is literally no part of my body that has ever been considered "perfect" or "meets standards of acceptability" by cultural consensus...which is how most of my understanding about what constitutes "attractiveness" was formed. The funny thing is, I'm not a horrifically malformed woman. I am an average human being with normal features that some people sometimes find attractive. But asking me what things I would like to change about myself, physically, is akin to raising a bird in a culture that glorifies the appearance of snakes and then asking said bird what things they would like to change about themselves physically. I have no way of knowing what physical changes I would like to make that don't involve making me look more like the visual standards set in place by actors, models, and other celebrities.

Alt. Focus: All that being said, I have been told that I have a friendly voice by many, many people. I tend to agree--even though it's jarring to hear a recording of myself, I never think my voice sounds awful. It does sound warm and friendly, and I truly like that about myself.

 

At least I have a beard now.

 

Focus: Huh. One of the curious things about growing up fat is that I've always had the mindset that my physical shortcomings start and end with 'fat'. It's honestly never occurred to me to worry about noses or ribcages or back hair or any of that. I invested my ego into other things and just never really thought about it.

Alt Focus: the corollary to the above is that I don't have any physical characteristics I love. They're just... there. I get complimented on my eyelashes occasionally but I'm not particularly attached to them.

 

Go on...

Is this a real concern? Do girls have issues with their labia being "odd"?

 

It hasn't been in my mouth yet, therefore it's odd.

 

Google labiaplasty or vaginal rejuvenation surgery. Shit, google 'My New Pink Button'. It isn't anywhere near as endemic as the male penis enlargement industry, but give it 20 years...

 

Girls have issues with not having wide enough thigh gaps.

 

I'm kinda afraid to google this...but how big do you figure that industry actually is? How many dudes are still falling for this in 2012?

This is totally true. For much the same reason, I've always looked at things like noses, cheekbones, etc. as sort of "Well, other than that, how was the play, Mrs. Lincoln?"

 

That's how I am. I'm only 6' 0" 175 lbs, but I have a 32" inseam. Couple that with a 32-33" waist, and it makes finding pants a nightmare in the short/fat-ass region of South Texas.

I had to have braces when I was in middle school/highschool, and in order to fit the braces I had to have 8 teeth pulled (I've got big teeth), but I've gotten over that. My problem with it is that Li'l Bandit is going to have to undergo the same painful orthodontic surgery.
I wish he didn't; I wish our teeth fit in our heads. But that's the way it is.

Other than that, I have no complaints about my body. I just need to change my personality. If only I knew how.

 

I'm pretty happy with my height (6'3), and the shape of my torso (fairly broad shoulders and a narrower waist, so I've got a solid shape thing going on). My limbs could use some beefing up, I'm worried that my lifting regimen isn't really targeting those areas very well. Specifically, the fact that do absolutely no lifting at all. Because I actually wind up doing cardio-style workouts a lot, I don't carry a whole lot of fat, but the lack of lifting means that my muscles aren't very large.

I always sort of wished I had a more interesting eye color, and my eyelashes aren't particularly thick. I have fairly deep set features and prominent cheekbones, which is a sort of double-edged sword -- it makes me look more interesting, but also is probably a turn-off to some people.

I've grown to like my lips a lot more, they're about as full as lips get. They allow me to do more interesting kissing things that don't have to rely on just a lot of tongue movement, and I can also lick them without seeming creepy.

Random con that most women are jealous of -- my nails are really strong and grow very fast. They never break, I never bite them. Because nothing I do requires or even encourages long nails, it's entirely wasted on me; the only actual result is that I keep having to buy nail clippers because I lose them and/or forget them when I need them. I also have to make sure that I've clipped them recently before hooking up...

All in all, I'm mostly happy with the physical package. Sometimes it stings that it's not for everybody, but I'm content with the fact that it's for some people.

 

Oh, that reminds me. I have the limbs of a Tyranosaurus Rex. My inseam is under 30 inches (I'm a little over 5'10", so I'm not especially short) so I end up walking over the edges of my pants. And just about every dress shirt and/or jacket that fits across the shoulders runs the risk of coming down over my thumb.

I've been told I have nice eye lashes many times, which is a really weird thing to be told as a dude.

 

Same here; I've got decent strength, but I'd like to have a more muscular appearance.

Focus: I'm not sure if this would count, but I'd like to undo the damage I've done to my back over the years. Thanks to a weightlifting mishap I've got a bloated disk in my lower back, and due to the general nature of the farm work I've basically done all my life I've only made it worse.

 

I'm 5'3". Reading all this crying about height is hilarious.

I have really bad genetics for a lot of things.There's a lot of things I could whine about, I guess, but doing that just reinforces the whine circuits in your brain. About four months ago I would have said my gut, but I'm working on that, so there we go. Now it's noodle-arms and general muscle loss from not lifting as regularly as I should.

Alt-Focus: I like my voice a lot. I wish I was better at singing and could go higher than slightly-not-so-bass. But other than that it's pretty sweet.

 

I have to say that I think some of you are silly for being self-conscious about physical matters. It is not a very high bar, but I would say that a lot of you are above-average physical attractiveness (especially for e-people).

Focus:I'm not a good looking dude. Being fat isn't doing me any favors, but even skinnier me won't be a looker.

The one that is really annoying though is that I have no butt, which is just a cruel, cruel joke played on me by fate. I look like this in profile.

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I don't look good at all from the rear as there is nothing there, but the real problem is that when combined with being fat it is the perfect storm for plumbers crack. My pants seem to run away from my waist like honey boo boo's mama runs away from fruits and vegetables. Belts don't help all that much. I really need to wear suspenders like the rest of the dudes on my paternal side, but I can't bring myself to do that.

My plumbers crack has led to countless traumatic incidents (for spectators and myself).

 

Don't worry, help is at hand!

You're welcome!

 

I think there are some women who do genuinely have "issues," as you've put it, with their labia. This is the demographic of women who would pursue something like labiaplasty, or turn down oral sex because they're sincerely upset about their labia and can't stand living with them in their current state.

To be entirely clear, I am not in the above demographic. I don't particularly think my lady flower is gorgeous, but I don't spend any meaningful amount of time thinking about the perceived awfulness of my labia, either. I exist in a different headspace: someone who consumes enough media to recognize the desired labial shape and my deviation from it, but wouldn't sacrifice sexual pleasure or money to change myself to fit the ideal. I have the labia I have, and that is that.

But, as I tried to point out earlier, the only reason I even have feelings of inadequacy about any of my body parts at all is because I'm surrounded by direct comparisons to Photoshopped models. If we lived in a different society...who knows? I might want to be fatter. Or have a forked tongue. Or purple hair.