I wish I was a little bit taller, wish I was a baller

Perhaps there is a distinction to be made between a 'giner that's been traumatized in the most feminine of ways, giving birth, and a vagina that looks like a pair of novelty lips irrevocably bruised black and covered with curly hairs. It may be genetic, but it's as appealing as a corkscrew penis, or the dreaded micro-cock. Thems the breaks, folks. Sex organs are objectified and scrutinized. Only a truly shallow, foolish, mean, projecting little simp would ridicule someone with genital issues anyway. Be a fucking adult.

I like vagina. I like to look at them, kiss them, run my fingers over them, in them. I like the way they (generally) taste. Sometimes I like to motorboat her lips, and if there is extra meat I'll suck on that too. I like to oil them down, I even have been known to shave them. If I could draw I'd sketch them obsessively or make a sculpture out of mashed potatoes because "This means something." I'd like them in a boat, in a moat, but not on a goat. I'd like them in the hall or even in a mall. For God's sake don't be so ashamed. I love women's vaginas...

But not as much as I love ass.

 

Well we had 2 kids without any tearing or other weird shit having to happen and things are A COMPLETE NIGHTMARE.....just kidding, it's all just wonderful, but yeah, someof dem dare kid lauchers tend to blow up.

 

Focus: Don't have the world's best grill and try and hide it in my smile. Really always been self-conscious about it. Also weigh about 145 at 5'9" so I'm a scrawny dude, wish I could bulk up a bit.

Alt Focus: Despite those things I am a confident motherfucker and feel that if a girl will give me 5 minutes to make an ass of myself and make her laugh that I have a good chance of sleeping with her. Not right away, I'm more of the putting in work for a short amount of time where I talk shit like a champ and then sleep with them, but still. There isn't really a scenario I am uncomfortable except for a "club", since I can't dance.

 

FOCUS: Definitely my body and its lack of ability to do anything without hurting itself. I am pretty much always in pain somewhere, and people wonder why I don't exercise... because that makes it worse! Also, some actual natural skills at something would be nice, as would being less clumsy - having shitty balance is awful. Some different fingers would be nice too - all of mine are messed up and not even slightly straight. Not having a genetic predisposition to arthritis would also be nice - the near constant back and shoulder pain sucks. Better skin that doesn't explode in freckles (or, worse, zits) whenever I go outside and spend any time near the sun would also be great (I get that from my gran). It's like I got all the worst parts of both sides of my family in one shitty package. I think I'd probably love to go sailing, since it looks quite relaxing, but seasickness makes that impossible. So, basically, I'd change just about everything.

ALT. FOCUS: Can't think of anything off the top of my head.

 

Focus: I wish I could grow a beard, I have a terrible baby face. Girls my age tell me all the time that because of how young I look I'm like the younger brother they never had. I die a little on the inside every time I hear that. Worst part is my brother grows a beard like a mountain man.

Alt Focus: I guess my legs, they're naturally strong and well proportioned, I don't have chicken legs like a lot of guys you see at the gym, but I'm also not disproportionate in the opposite direction like a T-Rex.

 

Focus: No matter how low my weight gets I have this unshiftable piece of stomach fat which gets on my nerves. Same with the topmost part of my upper arms. I also have really large breasts (30G) for my frame, which I used to hate but have now more or less gotten used to - I'd still like them to be smaller though. Also my ankles are oddly thick compared to my legs. And I'd like a bigger, rounder ass.

Alt-focus: My legs are in great shape as I walk everywhere, my hair is really thick, shiny and a nice shade, I have really nice eyes and eyebrows.

 

Surely, you will be the one to find the world's first superhero?





Pictured: Durbanite

 

I think there is the unstated assumption that dicks are ugly and open to ridicule if odd. Perhaps the implication/consequences are different, but lets not pretend that dicks are somehow free from jokes and scorn.

 

And the frequently stated assumption that balls are unsightly and odd, even in their most optimal configuration.

 

I mean, have you SEEN balls? There is nothing not odd about those things.

 

Well, the number of them is pretty even.