It's a combination of not being able to get over the "it's where guys pee" thing and unpleasant past experience. If I'm in a loving, serious relationship with a guy and it's about getting pleasure from his pleasure, I will give it a try. That is just not something I have experienced yet. My past sexual encounters have not been all that serious, so I don't know how I would feel.
I feel like you're kind of ignoring some important factors here and being unnecessarily judgmental of this lady's sexual preferences. The first of which is that some people don't enjoy having a dick in their mouth. As a partner, I much prefer doing things that are enjoyable for both parties, even if that means taking some things off the table. The second is that she specifically said she would make an exception for a substantial relationship. I, personally, was more selfish in a random hook up or FWB situations because I had no expectation that my needs were going to be known or adequately considered. With a more long-term SO, the rules and expectations change.
I don't mean to pick on you but I am curious as to your stance of receiving, where you pee, in the same relationship status where you're uncomfortable giving a blowjob? Being submissive in bed I'm pretty open. Not a fan of anal play though.
Honestly not trying to judge, just curious, because I've literally not interacted with a non-BJ-giving girl since high school. Following what Shegirl said, isn't it equally icky to have a guy use the thing he pees with in the exact same way as a beej...in the place you pee (give or take)? A bad past experience could explain it all, and you obviously don't have to elaborate. It's the 'where he pees from' and the lack of wanting to reciprocate and please your partner that confuses me. To be honest, why it has to be a substantial relationship doesn't really make sense to me either, but maybe I'm just a huge slut.
To me, that means in that case she would be willing to make a concession/sacrifice doing something she dislikes, cause she cares about the person. But as someone on the receiving end of an unenthusiastic blowjob or two, don't bother. There was just a post on Jezebel (i know i know) with a woman saying she now refuses to give head cause she doesn't want to, but its non-negotiable that her partner must go down on her. Yadda yadda, many girls can't orgasm from sex, guys always can, girls NEED cunnilingus, guys dont NEED blowjobs, all buttressed by an anecdote that she has a FWB who comes over and only eats her out, nothing else goes on. It took two seconds of reading comments to see the first girl that called her stance "a bit selfish and narrow minded" and then was subsequently flamed to hell, for me to flee the page screaming.
Or it could be a trust issue. Some of the things I mentioned I'd be into are things I wouldn't be comfortable in doing with a random hookup - not because doing them represents a sacrifice I'm only willing to do for a committed partner, but because I need to know and trust the person enough to know that they'd be cool with what we were doing and not be an ass about it.
I don't know if this explains anything, but I've only been with one guy who was interested in my pleasure. Most of my sexual encounters happened in the last two years of college, and the guys I was with were more focused on themselves than me. The guy who was concerned with mutual pleasure felt that way because we were friends for a long time before we started fooling around. I never ask to receive. Truthfully, I feel like if I am unwilling to blow him, I shouldn't expect him to get down there. Can you elaborate on this question?
I mean, respecting your choices and all that, but you're an outlier for sure. Focus: No pee, no poop and no other penis. One of the more common issues is I want to know who else you're fucking and when. I am not a jealous person, but I don't want to catch anything. I have also been "the other dude" and detested the feeling. I also had a girl who "wanted to try and squirt." Nope. Not interested.
I just mean that, presumably, you allow vaginal penetration. If you have trouble getting over putting the thing guys pee with in your mouth, is putting it in your vagina THAT different/less icky? Do you give hand jobs? Titty fucking? Sex is inherently gross, is my point, but in the moment, it's pretty easy to get over. For most people, it's even part of the appeal, just like driving your partner crazy, even just as foreplay, while not simultaneously receiving physical pleasure. Obviously, it trips me out to talk with an outlier.
I will not be tied up or restrained in any way. Taking away control, putting me in a place of vulnerability is something I do not do. If that's a deal breaker than tough shit because Even if Mia Kirshner propositioned me for it I would shoot her down like a drunk fat woman.
OK, yeah. In my view, putting something in my mouth is very different from vaginal sex. One brings pleasure to both me and the person I am with. The other brings pleasure to a person I don't have a strong emotional connection with so I'm not as invested in his pleasure. I think we also need to consider the odds of me having an orgasm with a guy that is not emotionally invested in me as a person. This might sound selfish, but I have sex for my own pleasure. I don't care about the guy. Some day, I will probably meet a guy who is invested in me emotionally and I will be concerned with getting him off because I care about him.
Theres nothing a guy loves more than a woman who feels that she has to be won in order to give back generously in a sexual fashion. "Let me just keep working my ass off in this one-sided relationship to show her that I am emotionally invested in her while she gives nary a shit about me. Maybe after she sees how much I care, she will start to care." - no one ever Your problems go much deeper than not sucking dick. That's merely a symptom.
There's nothing a girl loves more than a guy who feel like sex is his reward for being a decent human being. I bet you're a real nice guy. Not like those assholes girls usually date. There are two sides to every argument, and I would really like to get back to the focus of this thread rather than the whole conversation being about my unwillingness to partake in one particular sex act.
So is it accurate to say that pleasuring your partner doesn't bring you pleasure? Meaning: knowing that you're driving them crazy, while receiving no physical pleasure yourself, doesn't give you pleasure in a visual/mental way? Sorry to keep harping, but this stuff fascinates me.