Pardon me, good sir, for I am most perplexed: is there some universe in which a Lord of the Rings goblet is not the epitome of class and fine breeding? This has the risk of outing me as both a nerd and a woman, but as I am drunk I care not: In Buffy, why does no one in Sunnydale ever notice the preposterous number of deaths that occur in their town, not to mention the collateral damage caused by the many supernatural shenanigans? You assume that it would seem, if nothing else, statistically anomalous.
Consider yourself pardoned, sir. For some do not consider the Lord of the Rings goblet the epitome of class and fine breeding...........sir. Tvtropes calls it a WeirdnessCensor or as Hitchhiker's Guide referred to it Somebody Else's Problem
I always learn something from Ye Olde WDT. This one has taught me that there is a website called EatMyBlackMeat.com and I find that hilarious. That, my friend is branding. I cannot say or type that website without laughing. DO YOU HEAR ME, BILL SIMMONS? Grantland.com? Seriously? That's the dumbest website name to quality content ratio ever.
Upon viewing this, my girlfriend has devolved into shrieks of "nonononono not funny not funny! don't laugh at little dolphins getting hurt!" She hasn't squealed like this since we watched the talented mr. ripley.
So I'm not entirely mopey tonight, I give you this: Also, where the fuck did all the wine go? No, seriously, where is my wine? What the fuck, guys?
Those fucking Humane Society commercials are pure evil. I'm convinced they just take clips from animal cops and show you puppies crying.
I got home from jager shots. Now drinking wine from the bottle. Eating old bbq. And it is an asss kind of night. NSFW
So I haven't shaved in a few days and I'm getting the urge to get rid of the scruff because I don't want to get the acne associated with shaving after having a beard for a certain period of time. The interesting part is I've been drinking tonight. So shaving while drinkning, what could possibly go wrong?
There are a few things in my home that are "less than lethal." Specifically, I have a tactical light on my pistol that is qualified as such. Also, my wife has mace and a taser. I want to try them out. Just to make sure she is safe. Right. Any pointers? I've already done the light in my eyes and it hurt like a dick rape for about two minutes. I want to try her mace but I know that water makes it worse and milk doesn't effectively deter the subsequent pain for a while. Any ideas? I want to see what's up, but I'd prefer no long-term effects. What could I potentially do, to an intruder, that would effectively give the "get the fuck off my lawn" impression without creating liability for myself?
Garden hose to the eyes. It's not that water makes it worse, it's that if you splash it on it just spreads that shit around more. Get a constant stream so that it's flushing your eyes, and you're good to go. Think nice cool garden hose in the back yard. Set up a video camera. Let us know how it goes.
I have gotten hit by OC foam before. All I can say is fuck that. I couldn't see for like 2 hours. The water hose advice is spot on.
When I did my military training back in the mid-80's, we were introduced to the effects of tear gas in a not-so-gentle manner. We went on a 10k run in the middle of summer with light pack, ended at a little shack in the middle of nowhere, and handed a gas mask. We were then sent into the shack, with the gas mask. The door was closed, and 2 DI's were in the shack with us. They then let off a half-dozen tear gas canisters while giving us the brief "this is tear gas and it fucks you up" speech. We were then ordered to remove our gas masks. Then they made us run in place and do jumping jacks and burpees. If you weren't aware, tear gas is designed to attack mucous membranes, so when your skin is all open and sweaty and porous, like after a gut-wrenching 10k run, your entire body becomes a fucking mucous membrane. We were set up to have the worst possible reaction with the tear gas. We were made to recite bullshit things before we were allowed to leave the shack, such as the alphabet backwards, count down from 73 by 7's, etc. Once we left the shack, there was a water buffalo there with sprinklers off the end of it that we all just buried ourselves under. It didn't help. They then handed out epi-pens, and instructed us how to administer them to ourselves. You'd be amazed at how little thought we gave to jabbing ourselves with spring-loaded needles. And it worked wonders. Still, worst afternoon of my life.
The thought of taking mace right now makes me want to vomit on the keyboard. I was standing a few feet away from a fight that broke out. Scooted over just as a couple cops dog piled the dudes. And some dipshit cop hosed all 4 of them down in pepper spray. Just the mist that came my way was enough. I just want to say it was an excellent idea to drink a few glasses of absinthe then go out for jager shots last night. It was also in my best interest to polish off a bottle of cava a few hours before I had to get up at dawn to head out of town. Time to balance my ass on the can while not vomiting. It's like a game.
That's nothing compared to Cabot Cove, Maine. Murder, She Wrote (fuck off, my mom watched it while I was a kid) had 24 deaths a season for about 20 years. That's 480 deaths in a town that had a population of about 6. Now THAT'S a statistical anomaly.