Dude, the real doll is obsolete. While I can't link to it from work, a quick search will show you the new sex robot (Roxxxy) that was unveiled at the CES show recently. With $17 million, you could buy a bunch of them and constantly rotate your mechanical harem, depending on which one your butler was currently cleaning. SG Edit: Here ya go. Scary.
How come no one has mentioned quota dairy farming yet? (Im not going to explain how it works so read this if your curious http://www.omafra.gov.on.ca/english/farmproducts/factsheets/allocation.htm) 3 million dollars worth of quota nets you $40 000 (milking 80 organic cows) a month. There for 24 million dollars worth of quota nets you $320 000 a month. Thats $3 840 000 a year. Knowing this I would build the biggest orgainc dairy farm in Ontario. I understand you have to pay for feed, migrant workers and other expenses, but even in a worst case scenario that you have to spend half your income a month on that, you are still making serious fuck you money. Especialy since you could buy even more quota, and just pay it off like any other farmer would. The rest of the 6 millions bucks would go to the cost of the farm so I dont have to have mortgage anymore, the rest would go to trucks, guns and my family. I would squirrel a million though just incase things went catastrophic on the farm though. Oh, and BTW fuck Charity.
I'd hire Katy Perry to come over every night and let me lay my head in between those goddamn creamy cantaloupes
I'd have my own VH1 reality dating show called "Niggah B Rich." After that I'd fuck every fake tanned/tittied skeezer that goes for pseudo celebrities like that on top of a mountain of coke. If I made it to my next birthday I wasn't partying enough.
I'd take 10 of the 17 million and wisely invest it. What does "wisely invest" mean? I have no fucking clue, but I'm Jewish, so a lot of my relatives and family friends probably do.* 2 million to charity. 2 million or so on a house, cars, expensive vacations, help for friends, etc. Take the remaining 3 million and start a business. Maybe a nonprofit or some kind. I'd have to do some research on this. *- I've always felt that I'm missing out on the Global Zionist Conspiracy deal. This just might be my ticket in!
Yeah, just switch around the beginning and end of that sentence. FOCUS: I think I would just put it in the bank (after doing proper research on who the hell I can trust to manage it) and forget I ever won for a while. Seriously, I'm a young guy, and where I am in my life is not a place that needs to be destabilized by a huge sum of money waiting to be blown. Plus I can imagine the vultures circling already. I'd probably take another look at it once I got out of college. Actually, scratch that. I'd use it to pay my tuition and buy a Big Mac with the rest.
Take the $17 million up front, get an accountant, a lawyer, and hire a team of smart people to invest my money for me. Get a place in Vegas and allocate $1 million towards my poker fund, which I would use to play in high stakes tournaments. Hopefully I would develop my poker skills to the point where I started actually winning tournaments and making a name for myself. Buy a second house at the (south) Jersey shore, with a big yard and no neighbors nearby. Live the dream for the next few summers, let my best bros live with me and form an entourage. Find a good cause to support and put a lot of time and money into. Avoid the buzz kill of getting married/starting a family at all costs, stay away from addictive drugs, and be conservative in spending my money.
I've already got a system to, at least, keep the open hands at bay. Make public to all 'people in my life' that there is a tier system. Top: My daughter & I Next: My parents, brother and girlfriend Next: extended family & VERY close friends (there aren't too many). Bottom: Everyone else. I'd be generous, but not excessive. $17M is, in reality, not allthat much money considereing all the above. Bottom people: I'd throw a big party at a nice resort for all them & probably pay fro the occasional night out after that. Family & Girlfriend: Their lives would improve & they would have nice "upgrades" Maybe a remodeled kitchen or a new car (Honda, not Benz). My daughter would have a large trust, a great education, travel & security. I'd get the rest.
I'd take $150k or so and have a blow-out party for friends/family. I'd then take a year off and veg on a beach somewhere, while a new house/home/garage was being built for me. $1-2 million. While relaxing on the beach, I'd think of the next venture that I'd want to work on, and develop some thoughts/strategies for that. I'd buy a reasonable car, SUV, and bike. $250k When I got home, I'd then be my own VC for my next startup, and build it up/out. I'd also flesh out my race team gear and cars and have some fun racing a bit more, culminating in buying a seat in the 24hrs of Daytona. I'd be sure to leave about $10 million untouched, invested, and there for a rainy day. I'd also use my cash to try and find older, rich women, and have them fall for me.
Buy a beach front house Start a Boston Terrier rescue Teach h.s. finance part-time Put the rest in a hedge fund.
Lotto Max draws every Friday. I play when the jackpot hits $30 mil and have spent many late nights pondering what the fuck I'd do. Step One: Win Lotto. Change pants. Spoiler Step Two: Call OLG and fax copy of winning ticket. Arrange to be picked up in a nonchalant vehicle. Driver to identify himself via codeword. Get to OLG offices, collect coin, smile for the cameras, answer reporter's questions with short and vague responses. Step Three: Drive to bank. Pay off all debts owed. Open a 1 year GIC account. Drop $29 million into account. Write five cheques totaling $750,000. One to my immediate family so they can buy a house. The other four to my closest friends to pay off their debts. FedEx the cheques. Along with the cheques comes an explanation that you're leaving the country and will get in touch with them again soon. Step Four: Go see a lawyer. Write up a will detailing who gets what if you die (you'll see where I'm going with this) Step Five: Go to Airport. Buy ticket. It doesn't matter where...anywhere you can speak the language and don't stick out too much. In my case, Europe. Step Six: Arrive. Find modest lodging in cheap yet safe neighbourhood of your new transition home. Pay landlord on time. Buy average car, average furniture. Blend in with surroundings. Step Seven: Having gotten the internet hooked up, begin learning all you can about financial investments. Score student visa and take courses at the local college (hence knowing the country's language being a plus), volunteer/intern at financial institutions, learn how different business models work. Step Eight: Take a trip to a different country. Call your friends from that country. If they've begun to freak out about where you are you don't want calls traced to your vicinity. Meet three hot blonde chicks traveling their way through Europe at the hostel. Bang all three. It doesn't even matter if you have to pay, you're on vacation. And if you've followed my plan so far, you deserve this break. Step Nine: You've now learned how money works. Start small by investing $10,000 in the stock market. Start running simulations/writing proposals to flesh out business ventures you'd thought of entering. How did you do? Judge your performance appropriately. Step Ten: It's been about a year since your self-exile began. It's time to think about who you want to bring along for the millionaire ride when you come back. You and your best friend from grade two who bailed you out of jail that one time aren't going to stay best friends long when you got $25 million in the bank and he barely scratches $50k a year. Start making your list of who gets what. Step Eleven: Purchase and send airfare and cruise tickets to friends and family. Be considerate and give enough time for them to take those days off/procure a passport. You're keeping their shares a secret and they may feel it's in their better interest to stay on good terms with their boss just in case. Step Twelve: Meet friends and family on cruise ship. Have big dinner. Hand out envelopes of money to be wired to their bank accounts. Explain that you needed the year off to get your head straight and accustomed to having all this coin. Furthermore explain that what they do with that money from here on out is their business. Fill them in on what you did over the last year. Maybe they need that time to themselves too. However be sure to point out if they lose it due to poor decision making, too fucking bad. Step Thirteen: Go home, buy an average house, and an average car and start up your business venture and enjoy your life. And don't forget to redo your will, now that everybody's gotten a piece you might want to change a few things around. Coming into that much money requires some serious fucking discipline and the acceptance that motherfuckers are gonna hate on you. I see no point in showing off the bling. Like my grandpa used to say "A rich man, never has to tell you he's rich."
If I were to wake up tomorrow morning to find out that I had just won 30 million dollars, I would do the following. - I would call my parents, my four best friends and the girlfriend and tell them the news. - I would go into work that day and tell my General Manager the news I would inform him that I will continue working until hockey season ends, and then I'm taking a one-month vacation. - Hire an accountant and an attourney and I would part with 20 million. I would the invested money into a low-risk mutual fund that would earn me ample interest and set me up for the rest of my life. - I would give my parents one million dollars which would allow them to pay off debts, take a lengthy vacation and give them 'more than enough' to enjoy the remainder of their retirement. - I would give $250,000 to my four best friends and tell them to enjoy it. I'd expect them to pay off their debts and spent the money wisely. After those things I would be left with approxomitely $8 million dollars for my own endeavors. I would do the following: - Marry the girlfriend who loved me when I was dirt poor and had less than $100 to my name. - Buy two houses - One in Vancouver, One in London. - Play a shit-ton of golf. - Become a part-owner of a successful Junior Hockey Team. - Buy some dress pants that actually fit.
Well, being that I am about to get married, the first thing I would do is shell out $200k or so to substantially "upgrade" the festivities. We are having a destination wedding in Oregon, which is cost prohibitive for some of our friends and family. I would use the extra dough to subsidize travel and accomodations. I would rent 10-12 pimp beach houses and pay for everybody's first-class flights. Limos to/from the airport. Daycare/sitters for all my lame-o friends that have kids. Yada yada yada. I would keep my job, and assuming my CEO would grant me a sabbatical, the wife-to-be and I would take a 6 month honeymoon/world-tour. 1st class, 5-star all the way. We are both avid golfers, so I would plan the trip around playing the top 30-40 golf courses in the world. Everytime I shoot above 90, I will blame my golf game on the clubs and buy a new set. Which will be often. Cape Kidnappers has been a dream of mine for some time. We are going to New Zealand for our 'real' honeymoon, but I don't think we're going to get to play. Upon returning, we would definitely get a new house. I'm not living in my "dream" city right now, so I wouldn't go too overboard. My fiancee has been bugging me about getting another St. Bernard, but our yard is much too small right now for 3 big dogs, so I definitely would get something with some acreage. I would also hire a human pooper-scooper to pick up the massive piles of shit our dogs leave everywhere. We'd definitely get some new cars. I'd like a big SUV for the dogs/road-trips, although there's really nothing out there right now that wows me. A Denali or a Tahoe would probably do the trick. We've looked at Range Rover's before, but they are definitely not big enough. As far as sports cars go, I'd probably go with the 599 GTB. I've always liked Ferraris better than Lambos. My parents worked hard to put my brother and I through school, so I would definitely take care of their debts and buy them their dream house. I would probably give my brother $1MM. I'm assuming that we'd also probably satisfy some debts on my fiancee's family's side. Weak. I'd make some safe bets on the investment side. Dividend-yielding blue chips. Mutual funds. Government bonds. I'd also set aside $2-3 million to manage on my own in the equity markets and probably make some high-yield investments as well. I'd also leverage my relationships in the private equity/venture capital world and set some money aside for alternative investments.
First , I would not tell ANYONE other than my sister and maybe my parents (ignorance can be bliss). My friends can happily still be my friends without them knowning that I've become a multi-millionaire. My relatives , I'd be sure to serve them more expensive booze and chocolates whenever they came to visit , otherwise they can all take a flying leap. I would give $500 000 to my sister and invest for her another $500 000 to go towards my nephew's education. I would also leave my nephew another $500 000 that he would only get after he turned 30. I'd buy myself a bunch of property , both houses and quality apartments. Buy a decent but no too expensive car, say something around the 40 - 50k (Au) mark. I'd travel to Europe for the summer every year or two. Charity ? Ha ! In the worlds of P.J. O'Rourke ... People aren't starving , they are being starved. We have the IMF , the United Nations , The World Bank ( same as the IMF ? I don't fucking know) , Aid money from all the developed nations and an assorted collection of other organisations with more money , power and influence than I can possibly imagine and they expect me to be charitable. Blow it out of your ass I say.
I'd definitely go and see these guys about a car... I guess I'd have to go and get a licence then. Otherwise, a nice apartment would suit me fine. I might set up a retirement fund for my parents... I'd give my cousin some money to build an extra chalet on his property (they have a whole bunch of guest cottages - that's their business), on condition I'd get to use it whenever I wanted, with a weeks' notice. I'd let them rent it out the rest of the time - after all, it's on his land. My other relatives aren't likely to get anything from me.
I'd pay off my current student loans and enroll myself in a good PhD program. Then I'd buy myself a nice pack of gum with the left over $1.50.