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I'm sorry to tell you...you have bone-itis.

Discussion in 'General Discussion' started by DrFrylock, Jun 13, 2011.

  1. Omegaham

    Omegaham
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    Emotionally Jaded

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    Actually, food poisoning is underreported. Most of the time that someone gets the "stomach flu," it's food poisoning. Whether it's some strain of e-coli or something else, it's usually the food.

    Salmonella is very difficult to get in 1st-world countries thanks to antibiotics being used on chickens. In third-world countries, on the other hand, it's extremely common.

    Focus:
    Joint problems. I see this a lot where I work. Again, this is one of those "I know a lot of people have it, but SERIOUSLY" things; I'm not accusing everyone with joint problems of faking it.

    But there are a certain class of people who do the following...

    Monday morning run: "My knee hurts, I'm going to medical."
    Clueless corpsman: What's wrong?
    Douche: I need light duty for a while because my knee hurts.
    Corpsman: Well, let's x-ray it and see if you have something wrong.
    Douche: Well, it's not that bad. I'll just tough it out. Can I get three days of light duty so I have time to recover?
    Corpsman: Sure, if that's what you need.

    Friday morning - Sports.
    Dude's flying down the field catching the football, talking shit the whole time.

    Monday morning run: "My knee hurts, I'm going to medical."

    Malingerers should be shot. Fuck them.
     
  2. aceofface

    aceofface
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    Should still be lurking

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    Condition: "South Florida Flu"

    Symptoms: Nasal congestion and/or rhinorrhea, soul crushing insomnia, impulsive spending, excessive tobacco and alcohol consumption, multiple bathroom visits, intense yet superfluous conversations, excessive tobacco consumption, sketchy acquaintances.

    Treatment: Patient should cease non-excretory bathroom visits and consume alcohol until intoxicated and delirious enough to sleep. In the event that no alcohol is present and the hour prohibits its procurement, patient should utilize time provided by insomnia to reevaluate his/her lifestyle.

    *I believe ballsack may be a former sufferer of this mysterious ailment.
     
  3. Crown Royal

    Crown Royal
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    Just call me Topher

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    Okay, who are you really? You joined the board and posted this 30 seconds afterwards, yet you know who Ballsack is?

    Shenanigans!
     
  4. ghettoastronaut

    ghettoastronaut
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    Invisible Lat Syndrome, ILS: guys who walk around as through their arms are fucking huuuuge.

    I don't necessarily have favourite fake diseases, but fake treatments. Quetapine for behavioural issues in dementia might be one of them. The evidence says to use risperidone or olanzapine if the benefits outweigh the risks. Not quetiapine. And for the love of crap stop calling it seroquel.

    You forgot overweight in your description. They don't call it "fatsomyalgia" for nothing. But you never heard me say that.
     
  5. TX.

    TX.
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    The Mad Pooper

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    I assumed "dumpy" covered that.
     
  6. Kubla Kahn

    Kubla Kahn
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    I got one guess, don't think Shegirl will be happy:



     
    #46 Kubla Kahn, Jun 15, 2011
    Last edited by a moderator: Mar 27, 2015
  7. Croftie

    Croftie
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    Average Idiot

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    Seasonal effective disorder.

    My friend seriously ordered a heat lamp thingy for the winter so she wouldn't get sad and melancholy from the lack of sunlight and such. Fuck that nonsense.
     
  8. Stealth

    Stealth
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    Not sure if this meets the criteria, but its worth sharing.

    Dunning–Kruger effect.

    The Dunning–Kruger effect is a cognitive bias in which unskilled people make poor decisions and reach erroneous conclusions, but their incompetence denies them the metacognitive ability to appreciate their mistakes.
    The unskilled therefore suffer from illusory superiority, rating their ability as above average, much higher than it actually is, while the highly skilled underrate their own abilities, suffering from illusory inferiority.
    Actual competence may weaken self-confidence, as competent individuals may falsely assume that others have an equivalent understanding.
    As Kruger and Dunning conclude, "the miscalibration of the incompetent stems from an error about the self, whereas the miscalibration of the highly competent stems from an error about others"