If things go well for her in the next few months I stand a reasonable chance of being a trophy husband. Damn.
Everything would be exactly the same for me as it is now, seeing as how I married the girl I lost my virginity too.
Huh. I looked up my first a few months ago after not thinking about it much for eighteen (!) years. Apparently, I'd be living in a state that I'm not too fond of, Florida, and in a city that I despise, Orlando. If it was anything like it was when we were fifteen, my mother in law would love me and my father in law would hate me. I'd be constantly compared to other men and boyfriends. I'd have a hard time dealing with this because we'd also be dealing with early adolescence abuse. On the upside, she seems to have held up well, so I would be able to make witty comebacks when jackasses made comments about outpunting my coverage.
I'd be married to a PA and living in Oklahoma. I loved his family, and they seemed to like me a lot. I'm not sure how much things would be different from how they are currently. He's a pretty great guy.
Same for me, married the girl I lost my virginity to... It ended of course with that little incident where she tried to stab me with a butcher knife and then tried to kill herself...Good times, good times...
I would be supporting both of us while we lived at the Jersey Shore. He would surf all day, and I would probably have a kid.
I am, so far. To quote Tim Minchin: "It's not as sad as it sounds... But it's pretty fucking close..."
Mine isn't too far off from this. I'm Facebook friends with her and still talk to her every once in a long while; she actually seems to have settled down around age 23 or so, so in the long run it could've ended up worse, but was absolutely batshit insane from the time we met and started dating (the month before her 16th and my 18th birthdays; started fucking a week or two after our birthdays, which are one day apart) until then. We broke up November of her senior year of high school, she got married for the first time a few months after graduating high school to a guy she'd known for 3 weeks; got annulled (I think); got pregnant when she was 20 or so, married that guy, had her daughter a few months later, and the guy took off when the daughter was a year or so old. She's 26 now and actually just got married for the third time a few months ago, but seems to have actually put some thought into this one. She used to call/text me fairly regularly up until about 2 years ago (including throughout both her previous marriages) telling me how much she missed me etc. etc. but stopped around the time she started dating her now-husband (even though they live an hour from me), so that's good. I think raising her daughter alone forced her to grow up and confront her issues, and while I'm glad I didn't end up with her I'm genuinely happy for her and wish her the best.
If I directly replaced his wife, we would have gotten married last month and accidentally honeymooned at a swingers' resort in Cancun. I'd be working for my mother (my ex boyfriend's wife is my mother's assistant). We'd be happy, or at least appear to be. If I replaced wifey as myself, we probably would have gotten married years ago, as he and I were first together a decade ago. His mother would hate me, my mother would hate his parents, and he would constantly irritate me with his obnoxious singing and penchant for being called "Trick" instead of Patrick. I would be living about five miles from where I live now, and would be closer to campus. We wouldn't have any children, and we would spend most weekends drinking by our pool. It'd be a good distance from my ideal marriage, but that ex is a great guy, and I could certainly do (and have done) much worse.
So in other words, he was the first trick but not the last? Ahem. I always take the joke over the polite option. My bad. Anyway, what would life be like? Well, I'd be married to a very smart, very sweet, kinky girl with a high sex drive who loved me. Hmmm. When I put it like that, it doesn't sound so bad. However, I'd also be constantly policing myself not to accidentally steamroll over her opinions, and I'd never get called on any of my bullshit, probably turning me into an even more self-absorbed dick. I would have missed out on solo travelling around South America, and never got to have crazy German coke-fiend sex. Also, I probably wouldn't have dropped the excess weight and I would lack the self-reliance I currently possess. She's a sweetheart and we're still friends, but I'm still hoping that anyone I marry will be at least as strange as I am.
Most likely not. The only woman* I've slept with nearly broke my dick. For the record, again, she dumped me. You're right about the sex - it'd be terrible for her because there wouldn't be any and terrible for me because I'd have no interest in it and wouldn't want to have sex in the first place. I'm not in the business of giving chances away for my dick to get broken - other people may be, but I'm not. I don't have a strong interest in sex like the rest of you guys because when your one experience involves near-blinding pain for ten days, you'd also tend to give the experiences a miss. I'd most likely not have married her, and still have absolutely no intention of having a relationship for the forseeable future. If I had no choice but to marry her, then it's off to buy some Morphine from the pharmacy, build a Viking Funeral Pyre, put myself on it, light it up and drink** the morphine. Either way, it'd be curtains for me. *I have no sexual interest in men so don't even bother going down that road. **Still hate needles.
I sent this as a PM to Durbanite, but (edited), I'm gonna put it out: Some day, my friend. I'm the eternal optimist balance to your pessimism. With as many people as there are on the planet, someone is right for you. She's just most likely to be Chinese, and drowned at birth...
But you're not in any business at all, by the sounds of it. I've totalled two cars nearly killing myself, but if tomorrow I was given a Maserati, you bet your beachside arse I'm driving it fast as much as possible. What's the point in having it if I'd never take it out of the garage?