Football season is on. Unfortunately I am not at the game. Beers are being drunk though. COME ON MANLY YOU CUNTS
Currently in Chicago for Lollapalooza, was shit housed all day yesterday for it. Already many beers deep even though no one anyone I'm with wants to see goes on until 2. And, to get back to the theme (and yes, it counts because it's football tailgating): Spoiler
That is a good party theme the day before labor day weekend, seeing as how you can't wear white after labor day. I once got a group of 8 friends to all wear white button downs and jeans in celebration of the last day to wear white. People thought we were a cult.
I'll be going to kick some ass in a kickball (yeah, I said kickball bitches!) tournament this afternoon, which just so happens to be sponsored by the bar around the corner from my place. That means free beer all tourny long, and then back to the bar for more! Shithoused here I come!
Well you won the bet, although the odds were heavily stacked in your favor. At one point 2 girls came and started talking to us. I'm bullshitting with some cute brunette and she's really cool. He was talking to her cute blond friend. 45 seconds later the blond grabs the brunette I was talking to and says "let's get the fuck out of here". How do you fuck up a conversation, initiated by the chick, in less than a fucking minute? So I just got shitty drunk. Really fucking drunk. Woke up at 10 this morning and felt like shit. Laid in bed watching American Pickers till noon. Got some quiznos then laid on the couch and slept until about 20 minutes ago. The history channel was on in the background so I've been dreaming about he war of 1812 all afternoon. And I'll never be able to get to sleep tonight unless I get drunk again.
That is how my day started as well except on the couch. Those guys are always talking about women being "easy on the eyes" (who says that anymore). But I know those guys are banging each other in the ass.
I can't believe how often the skinny gay dude talks about things that "get my juices flowing". Fucking creepy.
My girlfriend's mom picked her up earlier, and she's spending the weekend at their place. On the up side, her parents bought a shitload of baby stuff for our future daughter. I'm literally surrounded by a baby stroller, a hamper full of baby clothes, a crib that somehow transforms into a changing station, a baby car seat, and a shitload of diapers chasing my Jim Beam Black with Amber Bock watching the John Adams DVDs. LONG LIVE THE FEDERALISTS!!!!!!!!
I think that's a new record, you need to get rid of that dude and fast or he'll continue to cock-block until one of you get killed by the other - I'm also betting he'll be the dead one. Apparently, MILF is married and going to be getting divorced - her husband is in the military - and due date for that is sometime next year. Want to know what he does for them? Defuses bombs. Yeah, two strikes down. I'll never mess with a married chick, especially someone who's married into the army.
That dude is fucking poison. He needs to find himself a bottle to crawl inside and you need to kick rocks. People that get you maced ten times per night will NEVER allow you to have a fun time in the same place at the same time. There's nothing worse than having to baby-sit some schmuck that you can't let the angry mob kill because he's your friend. He's having a blast acting like a total asshole to everyone while you're having to trail after him, apologizing to roadkill victims as he plows through the dancefloor like a John Deer. I have zero tolerance for maggot drunks, and if you want to act like a trouble magnet and humilate your crew than you are not my friend.
I'm settling into a bunch of rum-n-cokes (well, Pepsi) after my long first week working retail. Which reminds me: those of you who work on your feet all day, do you have any shoe/insole recommendations for me? My feet are freaking killing me. I may be old, fat and ugly but I have cute feet, dammit and I aim to keep it that way. *edit* And if you have ever entertained the notion that watching 6 straight hours of House was a good idea, I'm here to tell ya: it ain't.
So my mom called today and complained that the dogs in the neighborhood have been barking non stop, including hers. Her dog rarely barks, and the neighborhood is normally quiet. She lives in So Cal, so she is convinced that there is going to be an earthquake soon. So here is the official prediction: Kuhmutter believes that there is a chance of earthquake in So Cal, based on barking dogs. If the big one hits, she is a genius. If not, she is just being her crazy self.
She only has to be right once, for one big one, for everyone to forget the hundreds of false starts and crown her a soothsayer.