A Chicken and an Egg were lying in a bed at a hotel and the Egg lit up a cigarette. The Chicken said "well I guess that answers that".
His palms are sweaty, knees weak, sledge is heavy There's vomit on his papakhi already, Mum's chanakhi He's nervous, but on the surface he looks calm and ready He's got qualms, and he keeps on regretting That he's going down, at ninety one miles per hour His thoughts turn sour, realises he's not in power He's speeding now, velocity's exceeding now The barriers hit, sled's up over, BLAOW! You better LUGE yourself!
I'd source these jokes, but don't remember where I read/heard them... Q: Why were there only 600 Mexicans at the Alamo? A: They only had two cars. Q: Why do black people hate aspirin? A: It's white, it works, and you have to pick through cotton to get to it. Q: Why do Candians like doggy style sex? A: So they can both watch the hockey game. Q: Why was Helen Keller's leg yellow? A: The dog was blind too.
That's probably the worst version of that I've heard. It has no flow. Try this: So I'm fucking this guy in the ass, right? He turns around and starts grabbing at my balls. I'm like, "What a fag." It's a great thing to use to break awkward silences in church.
While looking up Emo jokes I found this one and couldn't stop laughing. An emo kid, a jew, a mexican, and a black guy jump off a building, who wins? Society.
Whats big, black, 6 legs and lots of sharp teeth? A doberman with a baby hanging out of its mouth. Why do presciption drug containers have cotton under the lid? To remind black people that they were cotton pickers before they became drug adicts. There I was just the other day driving down the coast road minding my own business when all of a sudden three Aboriginal men appear out of nowhere and I hit them with my car. One goes through the windshield, one goes over the car and lands about 50m behind me while the other left a dent in the front bumper and is stuck under the car. I was a little worried for a while but the local cops are being real good about it. They're done one for breaking and entering, one for willful damage of private property and the other for leaving the scene of an accident.
An Aboriginal family moved in next door and their kids challenged me to a water fight. I'm just typing this up now while i'm waiting for the kettle to boil.
A woman goes in to see a Catholic priest for counseling. She tells him that a man had taken advantage of her. The priest says "It's ok, my child, just tell me what happened." She says "Well Father, first he put his hand on my breast" The priest puts his hand on her breast and asks "Like this?" "Yes!" she cried. "The Sonofabitch!" The priest asks her to please watch her language and asks her to continue. "Next he put his hand on my leg", she says. The priest puts his hand on her leg and asks "Like this?" Again she says "Yes! The Sonofabitch!" Now the priest is getting excited and forgets about the language and urges her to continue. "The he put his hand down my pants!", she cried. The priest unbuttons her pants and puts his hand down and asks "Like this?" Once again, she says "Yes! The Sonofabitch!" At this point the priest can't contain himself. He tears off her clothes and screws her. When they finish, he asks her "Did he also take off your clothes and make love to you?" "Yes!" she says "That Sonofabitch!" Now the priest has his wits about him again, he tells the woman "I have to ask that you please stop using that language in this holy place. Do you have anything else you need to tell me?" "Yes Father", she admits, "I do. When he finished he told me he had AIDS" "That Sonofabitch!" yells the priest.
Q: A Mexican, a native, and a black guy are in a car. Who's driving? A: The cop. Q: What do you call four Mexicans in quicksand? A: cuatro sink-o.
In Russia there are only two TV stations. Channel One is government propaganda. Channel Two is KGB agent saying turn back to Channel One. (And yes, in Russia TV watches you, haha.)
On a transatlantic flight, a plane passes through a severe storm. The turbulence is awful, and things go from bad to worse when one wing is struck by lightning. One woman in particular loses it. Screaming, she stands up in front of the plane. "I'm too young to die!" she wails. "Well, if I'm going to die, I want my last minutes on Earth to be memorable! I've had plenty of sex in my life, but no one has ever made me really feel like a woman! Well I've had it! Is there ANYONE on this plane who can make me feel like a WOMAN??" For a moment, there is silence. Everyone has forgotten their own peril, and they all stare, riveted, at the desperate woman in the front of the plane. Then, a man stands up in the rear of the plane. "I can make you feel like a woman," he says. He's gorgeous. Tall, built, with long, flowing black hair and jet black eyes, he starts to walk slowly up the aisle, unbuttoning his shirt one button at a time. No one moves. The woman is breathing heavily in anticipation as the stranger approaches. He removes his shirt. Muscles ripple across his chest as he reaches her, and extends the arm holding his shirt to the trembling woman, and whispers: "Iron this."
I love me some dead baby jokes. - How do you turn a baby into a dog? Pour gas over it and light a match. Woof. - How do you turn a baby into a cat? Freeze it solid, then run it through a bandsaw. Meeow. - How do you stop a baby from drowning? Take your foot off its head. - How do you make a dead baby float? Rootbeer and 2 scoops of dead baby.
So this couple are sitting on the couch watching a romantic movie. In a section of the movie it's talking aobut mixed emotions. The guy turns to his girlfriend and says "I don't believe in mixed emotions. There's nothing that you could say that would make me have mixed emotions." The girlfriend turns to him and replys "Out of all your friends, you have the biggest dick."
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