How do you know when your doctor is gay? When he is giving you a prostate exam, both of his hands are on your shoulders.
- Q: How many Vietnam vets does it take to change a light bulb? A: You don't know! You weren't THERE, man! -3 couples, 2 straight & 1 gay, are on the deck of a cruise ship when a huge wave washes them all overboard to their deaths. They come-to in front of the Pearly Gates. The 1st straight couple approach St Peter. "So, can we come in?" says the husband. "In life, you were a greedy jerk. So much so that you even married a girl named Penny. Go away." replies St Peter. The 2nd straight couple approach "Can we come in, St Peter?" says the man. "No." says St Peter "In life you were a fat slob. So much so, you married a girl named Cookie. Go away." The gay guy looks over to his partner and says "Things ain't lookin' too good for us, Dick."
Just before MJ's death he requested that his body be cremated and his ashes be mixed into a bowl of coco pops just so that he could go therough the asshole of a ten year old boy one last time. Knock knock, Who's there? Little boy blue, Little boy blue who? Michael Jackson What time is it when the big hand touches the little hand? Time for michael jackson to go to bed. Did you here MacDonalds have a new burger? Its called the Michael Jackson, A forty year old piece of meat between two five year old buns. The coroner got the report back from Mjs autopsy and hasn't been able to determine the cause of death. They don't know wether to blame it on the sunshine, the moonlight the good times or the boogie. And because I'm a Kiwi here is a good Kiwi joke for you. An Eskimo's car breaks down and a Kiwi stops to help him. He tells the Eskimo that the problem is that he has blown a seal. The Eskimo yells back at him SO WHAT, YOU FUCK SHEEP.
A little girl is herding a cow down the road. An elderly gentleman asks her: "Where are your leading that cow to?" "I'm bringing her to the bull so he can mate her" she replies. "What an awful job! Shouldn't your dad be doing that?" he asks. "Oh no, the bull has to do it."
A pedophile leads a young boy by the hand into the middle of a dark, ominous forest. The little boy looks up at him and says, "gee mister, this forest is spooky. I'm really scared right now." The pedophile replies, "you think you're scared? I gotta walk outta here alone!"
I took my biology exam today and on it I was asked to name something commonly found in cells. Apparently 'niggers' is not a correct answer... What's the difference between Jesus and a picture of Jesus? It only takes one nail to hang up a picture of Jesus.
Just got sent this one in a text by a mate. A man starts working in the maternaty ward of a hospital and the nurse tells him to go bath a newborn aboriginal baby. She goes in to check on him and he is swishing the baby around the bath tub with a big stick. "You don't bath a baby like that" she says in horror to which he replies "You do when the water is this fucking hot"
A Canadian and an Australian are sitting in a bar playing a guessing game for beers, it’s the Aussies turn, and he starts to laugh to himself as he comes up with a sure fire winner, “You will fucking never get this mate!” The Canuck gets three clues, his first question is “Is it good to eat?” The Aussie starts laughing, "Well yeah mate I suppose you might think so” The Canuck says “Is it a Moose Cock?” The Aussie crestfallen, buys him a beer. Three brothers had been hunting all day and were setting up camp for the night, the youngest says that he needs to take a dump and so moseys off into the bush. The eldest smiles an evil smile and scoops up a pile of rabbit guts and sets off after the kid, sneaking up behind him he quietly settles the still steaming guts underneath his squatting brother, barely containing his mirth he sneaks back to the camp where he and the middle brother near piss themselves laughing. About 30 minutes pass and they are starting to worry about the kid when they hear him approach, in the light of the campfire he’s visibly shaken and wide eyed. With a broken and quavering voice he says “Guys, something awful just happened.......I shit my guts out!” "But don’t worry...... I think I’ll be ok ..... I poked them back up with a stick."
From Gilbert... A man gets the words "I love you" tatooed on his dick. He goes home and proudly shows his wife. The wife takes one look and says: "Stop trying to put words in my mouth."
Moses and Abraham are walking down the street. They come across a church sign declaring, "$1000 for any new converts". Moses looks at the sign and says "You know what? I think I want to go in. Wait here for me." So Abraham waits outside the church. Moses walks out an hour later. He says to Abraham, "Well, they convinced me. I'm with Jesus. I'm a Christian now." Abraham asks him, "Did they give you the money up front?" Moses replies, "Is that all you people think about?"
A woman is standing in front of the mirror and is looking dejected. "Ah, I'm so fat. I feel really ugly today. Honey, can you give me a compliment?" Her boyfriend walks into the room and says, "Honey, you have perfect vision."
A wife is standing naked in front of the mirror examining herself, unhappy with how small her breasts are. Her husband walks by and she says to him: "Honey, I wish I had bigger breasts". The husband stops, thinks for a second, then says: "Wait here". He returns a few moments later with a roll of toilet paper, hands it to her, and instructs her to rub the toilet paper across her breasts a couple times a day for bigger breasts. The wife looks at him quizzically and asks: "Do you really think that will make my breasts larger?" Husband shrugs, "Worked for your ass".
What did the one gay sperm say to the other gay sperm? Spoiler How are we supposed to find the egg in all this shit? How do black women fight crime? Spoiler They get an abortion