It's Pronounced "JIF", Weekend Drunk Thread

The more likes they get for pretending to be a doting parent, the more validated they are for having crotch droppings.
Maybe.

 

Funny enough, the best parents I know don't do this. So you may be onto something. As for McSmallStuff, I'll enjoy my life of being single, childless, and relatively young for him.

 

Looks like you're SOL Nom, I survived. Things could have gone better though, I was coming in for a perfect landing (because of radio communication, no way could I have done well left to my own devices) when a huge gust of wind blew me into the woods and I landed in a thorn bush, luckily nothing was hurt but my pride.

 

Well, it beats the hell out of them showing you pictures of their shitty kids being worthless in person, you can always ignore them on your news feed.

 

My wife and I refuse to put pictures of our kid on Facebook for just that reason. It's pointless and silly, and turns into inane bullshit. If she wants pictures on facebook, she can post them herself one day, when she is old enough (at least 13 or 14, and with our close supervision). Of course, it causes big problems when super proud grandma wants to post a million pictures and we won't let her, but fuck it.

I feel like the ONLY parent on Facebook that doesn't have their entire profile dedicated to their kid.

 

I post pics occasionally, but because my boys want me to post them. I'm talking three or four times a year. Nothing like some of my friends posting them daily.

Family does appreciate them, it's no skin off my nose.

 

The only time I post pictures of my daughter online is when she does something bad and she needs to be shamed. Like when she decided to use the toilet as a wading pool or when she had the brilliant idea to dump my coffee down the front of her white shirt. Now, granted, she's not old enough to understand what it is that I'm doing, but it provides some random entertainment for my family since they all live far enough away that they don't get to see her that often.

My sister, on the other hand, is a huge pain in the ass whenever she watches my kid. Every time she does, I all of a sudden find between 30 and 40 pictures of my kid online. And of course she has to tag me in all of them so they end up showing up to all of my friends. (Speaking of which, is there a way so that when other people tag you in photo's it doesn't go out to other people?)

 

I almost shot my monitor in rage. Thanks for that.

Speaking of which, my mom just took a pistol shooting class. She had a lot of fun. I don't know if she'll ever be able to shoot anything bigger than a .22, since she has really bad wrist problems, but she's happy.

She also bought me the Dogfish Head 90-minute IPA. Waaaay too expensive for me to buy, but if someone else wants to get it for me... Wonderful, wonderful beer.

 

If we collaborated we just might get into this museum. The day I gave up on art entirely was in 8th grade. We were making African masks for our class that had to authentically represent an ancient tribe. I went to the library, did all the research. Twice, I stayed after school to put extra time in adding more flair and color. When grading came around I'm barely paraphrasing when my teacher said "I'll give you a C because you tried, but this is a piece of shit." That was the point I just gave up. However, I had to do graphic interpretations for English into my fucking senior year. Pastiche? Let's go. Commentary? Sounds great. Turn in your thesis? No problem. I got mostly As on my essays, but whenever graphic interpretations came around my grade would take a hit, reading frustrating feedback like "I can't even tell what these drawings are. They make me wonder if you understood the story."

I feel bad for my parents. I loved to draw when I was a toddler. One of my favorite themes was dinosaurs taking a dump. After finishing one such masterpiece I bounded up the stairs shouting, "Mom, this T-rex is taking the biggest poop you've ever seen!" I slipped and slammed my chin on the tile stairs. I was so excited I sprinted up the rest and didn't start crying until I saw the look on my mom's face. I had to go straight to the doctor for stiches. So not only am I the world's worst artist, my only serious injury was caused by excitement of it. I honestly don't know if my dad ever hung that stuff in his office.

To this day I'm still mesmerized by anyone that can draw anything coherent.

 

I'm also amazed by it, but only because I can't imagine spending so much time making so much crap before making something good. I'm sure that if I worked at it for a year and was mentored by an artist, I would be able to make something decent. But I'll draw something, and it's so shitty that I just throw the pencil down and give up.

Then again, I'm guessing that a lot of people do the same thing with programming.

"You mean that until I learn ten different programming concepts, I'm going to be completely in the dark and making garbage because these languages are built for people who already know what they're doing? Fuck that."

 

Our strawberries are coming in!


Pro tip: Do not ask your 12 year old red/green color blind son to pick them as he will come back with about 5 saying that's all he could find.

I actually give them away we get so many. They are delicious.

 

On tonight's agenda: nursing a sunburn and a $3 box of wine in a cabana hammock.

 

When you say bad, do you mean awesome? Crack a couple bottles of brosé to start the night off right.

 

The greatest bromance was between Lucius Vorenus and Titus Pullo.

 

I'm seriously starting to lose faith in humanity: Yesterday, I went to Blockbuster to rent "The Breakfast Club," because Li'l Bandit hasn't seen it. I couldn't find it on the shelf, so I went up to the register and asked the girl working there to check if it was out/damaged/whatever.
Her response: "We don't have 'The Breakfast Club."
HOW THE FUCK DOES A VIDEO STORE NOT HAVE THE BREAKFAST CLUB? What are you going to tell me next, you don't have "Star Wars" or "The Exorcist?"
It wasn't, "Let me check... No, we don't have it." It was just "We don't have it." So obviously she's familiar with the movie, and has been asked this question before.
They have every goddam season of "Friends" and "Sex in the City," (two shows I despise), but they don't have the quentisential movie about teenage angst?
It was all I could do to not punch her.

I couldn't find it at any other video stores either, so I decided "Fuck it, I'll just buy the DVD. I know I'm going to watch it again anyway."
So today Li'l Bandit and I headed off in search of the elusive disc.
WE COULDN'T FIND IT ANYWHERE.

If it wasn't for the fact that the newest Alice in Chains album got delivered to me today, I'd probably be drinking a Draino-colada with a 00-Buckshot chaser right now...

Seriously people, go buy "The Devil Put Dinosaurs Here." I'm not even halfway done with it yet, and I'm blown away.

 

Dixie, how much sympathy do you really want for almost physically assaulting a video store clerk for not having a given video when Al Gore invented the internet SPECIFICALLY SO YOU WOULD NOT HAVE TO DO THAT?

Also, if anyone lives in Toronto, go to Odd Seoul at Queen and Ossington, bring a roll of toilet paper, order the bulgogi cheesesteak, and have a massive foodgasm into the toilet paper. Thank me after.

 

Sometimes I feel bad for pira-, ahem, *borrowing* media. But I would be majorly pissed if I bought the new Alice record. Only a couple songs are ringing hard and I've already given up listening to it. This happens with a lot of music lately. Not worth the price of admission. "Phantom Limb" is pretty goddamn amazing though.

The last thing I gobbled up was probably Avenged Sevenfold's Nightmare, a year or two ago. Even Down's new one (which I just streamed off youtube) faded quick. And I love me some Down. ZZ Top too.

Understandable. I had the same problem when the clerk had no idea what Shaft's Big Score was.

This stupid country.