Les Mardi Gras S'en Vient De Tout Partout! WDT 3/4/11

Beating off in front of a group of guys is generally frowned upon.

 

No, now you're just the life of the party. On with the serial teabaggings!!!!!

 

Maybe he was at one of those Hillbilly Dick Parties. That's a thing, right?

 

Yep. Just ask Ned.

 

I missed the 3 hound dogs, they do seem strangely drawn to it though.

I think there is something wrong with them.

At least we have something to amuse us...we're taking bets on which dribble hits the floor first. Fast swimmers FTW.

Thank whatever God you pray to that I'm not breeding.

 

I pray to Zoron and he lives in the lake. Thankfully, he told me that you're way too old to breed. Humans, that is. Farm animals are a whole different matter.

 

In the lake? Zoron the hermorophodite?

Yep, did it.

He screamed like a bitch. Twice.

Then he/she cried when I wiped my wang on the weeds. What a pussy.

 

I'm not sure what Zoron is. I'm new to this religion. But I'm pretty sure the God I pray to isn't a hermorophodite. Does that mean he eats only plants? Or he has a weiner and a vag? Or does that mean he only eats plants with a wiener and a vag? I really need to study up on my new God and all that He has to teach me.

 

I don't really have anything to say.

 

Zoron makes you a bigger man.



PLUS:


EQUALS:

 

Testosterone is produced in the balls, but the brain regulates how much testosterone is released. If you lose one ball, your brain will adjust for that and tell your remaining one to redouble its efforts.

 

That's very informative, but it doesn't explain why toytoy is having sex with my shemale plant eating Almighty.

 

Just got in from half stumbling home after some pre birthday celebrations at the best friends.
I drank a bunch of drinks with some friends @ dinner while stuffing my face with Calamari, which is my greatest weakness, and then a bunch more drinks at a get together with some of my more of my closest friends.

This will probably be the extent I celebrate my birthday this year as it falls on a monday and I am not excited about it in the least but I am drunk,I just finished smoking a J and am wearing my sweats, life is grand.

 

Got completely wasted last night, and am now really hungover. Fuck.

My friends told me that I was yelling at every inanimate object in my way and singing The Toilet Song while I pissed. I don't know The Toilet Song, but apparently I sang it.

 

KIMasters right. The UK and USA versions of the office are incomparable.

Totally different shows. The USA one is funny, but in a very American kind of way. It's non-intellectual, non-offensive, slapstick, lowest common denominator kind of funny. Clownshoes is exactly the right way to phrase it.

The UK version is very different. It's subtle, well built, offensive and just more real. As good a character as dwight is, you know he's just not like a person you'd meet in real life. The UK version characters seem more real.

A great example would be every now and then in the UK version there's a man who restocks the toilets or something. Whenever he walk through the door he's just staring right at the camera, you can tell he's thinking "wtf is that camera man doing in this office, there doesn't seem to be any reason to justify it being here". I don't think an American audience would for the most part understand that. It's probably the same for the UK but as it's made by the BBC they don't have to go for the lowest common denominator over the top crap that American shows do.

 

For future reference, ladies: I have absolutely no interest in hearing you sing karaoke. I prefer good music, sung by professionals, played back on a high quality sound system. I'm only tolerating this shit because I want to sleep with you.

So, fucking tell me before hand if you have a boyfriend, okay? It's not that hard.

Lovely day for a Guinness though.

 

What, you dislike the gaggles of screeching drunk harpys killing every soul in the bar with their ear splitting, tone-deaf tribute of

a) Like a Prayer
b) Girls Just Wanna Have Fun
c) Love Shack
d) I Will Survive
e) I Kissed a Girl

...or any other girl-power goop tune that the radio played to death years ago?

On the other hand, just as or even more annoying is the Karaoke "ladies man" who thinks his ballad serenading of:

a) With Arms Wide Open
b) I'll Be (by professional fatass Edwin McCain)
c) Apologize
d) Any other sappy, flavour-of-the-moment shit song

...will have every bitch in the bar climbing on his loins. It's so FUCKING SAD.

Karaoke is only fun when YOU ALONE are singing it, drunk and carefree. Singing should be reserved for the 2% of the population that can actually do it. But, don't listen to me. Go ahead. Lose the respect of everybody you know by singing that gay-ass "Closing Time" song. Assholes.

Speaking of looking like an asshole in front of a bar crowd, I'm back to doing Stand-up tonight at Yuk Yuk's. Wish me luck.

Come ON man. Have you ever MET a woman? They save that shit for the end of the night BEFORE you make your move and AFTER you've bought all her drinks. Do not think for a second that they give a shit about you.

 

I didn't buy her any drinks.

...Maybe that's why she had a boyfriend.

 

I never buy drinks for women I don't know. For me, buying a drink is like saying, "I don't really know what to say here. Here's $7 so you'll ignore that."

I'd much rather buy a drink for my friends or something than some random person I don't know.