Les Mardi Gras S'en Vient De Tout Partout! WDT 3/4/11

Was she flirty, giving you "the sign" or tickling your junk under the table? If so she's either sadistic or a slut with a last second change-of-heart not to cheat on her man. The important thing is that she blue balled you and that sucks. Pants down in front of the computer when you got home, then?

 

Obviously that was just a "shit test". You should have shown her some magic tricks, dropped some sweet negs and talked about your eyeliner and ridiculous hat so you could get the number close. Fuckin amateur.

 

Last night I had a problem that I only wish would happen more. I had this girl I just met practically throwing herself at me all night, nice body but not the most attractive[and I don't consider myself any better] and kind of annoying though. The problem is she was with a girl I know pretty good and she's really cool and easy on the eyes. We've always talked and hung out together when we see each other and maybe if I man up a little more that could lead somewhere. My problem is I was pretty much guaranteed to get laid and end a growing dry spell but I didn't so I could still have the door open for the girl I've known for awhile. I doubt it was the right choice. Ohhh the agony.

 

"Look, I buy you stuff. I don't know you, I clearly just want to plow you, and you know there's nothing I can do if you say no, but I buy you stuff anyway. You respect that, right? Yeah, you respect that."

 

If you find that annoying, don't go karaokeing with Asian people. You know the kind that pay money to sit in a room with 15 people and sing badly in front of each other? All it takes is one of them whose mind and body hasn't matured beyond 12 to queue up 45 minutes of fucking Disney music and your week is ruined.

I would say that neither style of karaoke should be attempted sober, but: if you attempt this latter variety sober, you will spend your whole time alienating the people you went with by insulting their taste in music and then you will have freed yourself of the burden of those people being in your life.

If I had the knowledge / experience / intelligence to run a business, I'd open up a bubble tea, sushi and karaoke bar just off of my university's campus and I would be a very rich man.

 

I live my life one quarter stanza at a time.

 

Only acceptable karaoke:

House, Wilson, and Foreman singing Midnight Train to Georgia, or

Bones singing Girls Just Wanna Have Fun, and then shooting a crazy fat bitch in the neck at the end.

 

I'm not big on karaoke, but one of my friends was with his girlfriend and her brand new co-workers at a bar, he was bored so he got absolutely plastered and performed "Milk Shake" by Kelis in front of the bar. Apparently he was so drunk you could barely understand what he was saying, but the other patrons went from talkative to dead silent while he was shaking his ass drunkenly trying to sing. Then he puked all over the bathroom, good first impression.

 

Just in case any of you were wondering, women's college gymnastics is on ESPN2.

 

If you're into anorexic yet slightly mannish looking women, turn on ESPN2.

 

There's still a little bit of South Florida left. This town used to be a sleepy beach town full of eccentrics, elderlies, and coon asses (Body Heat was filmed here actually). Clubs, trannies, and yuppies came way later.

While walking down to the beach a drunk on a bicycle rode next to me crooning "When I was 17, it was a veryyy goooood yeaaaar..." then took off after a couple verses. A block later some slob on a skateboard almost busted his ass, but protected the bag of Natty Light tallboys and the open one in his hand. Didn't spill a drop.

Things like these make me very happy.

 

Stupid Georgia and their draconian alcohol laws. You prohibit the retail sale of beer on Sundays but allow restaurants?

So I'm out of beer on Sunday and can't BBQ without some sort of booze. I go on a scavenger hunt, anything short of paint thinner I'll ingest.

I find an unopened bottle of Champaigne from New Years. Damn, no orange juice.


However, I do have lemonade and sweet tea and the first John Daly is born.

 

So you were willing to go to the store for beer, but not for OJ to go with the champagne?

 

I think that's pretty self-explanatory.

 

I've been watching too many Top Gear clips and now everything I read is either in Jeremy Clarkson's dramatic voice or James May's very boring voice. Which voice it is depends on how interesting the thing I'm reading is.

The problem with Top Gear is that every car is "astonishing". Old Man Clarkson needs to find a new vocabulary. And they're not fooling me about how fast they drive. Clarkson wrote in an article about driving the Veyron across France, "I won't tell you how fast I crossed France. You won't believe me." And at the same time the car managed to be tracked the whole time by their camera cars, which are Land Rovers.

 

Thank you for putting a smile on my face. He touched you, you touched him back. If you explained yourself, you had the green light to throw it. Maybe you should've pressed charges against Ilsa, Police-Cop of the S.S. for good measure.

Post the video or it's a call to shenanigans.