Lew Lew Lew, I Got Some Apples! WDT 4/15/11

The only girl pal I have where there isn't some sort of, at the very least, attraction, is a lesbian. A really mannish one built like Tommy Lasorda. It's not like a guy hooks up or has intentions to hook up in the immediate future with the girls in the friend circle, but if circumstances are there it will happen. If you have such great chemistry as friends it's only natural to go beyond that. I don't see anything creepy with it. Neither do a lot of girls I've known. The thing is to be honest about it when the situation arises. Otherwise it seems girls become less as friends and more as acquaintances when everyone goes out.

(Edit: re-reading this paragraph makes it sound like I won't be friends with a girl if there isn't mutual attraction. Not the case at all. That's retarded.)

If a guy becomes a chick's friend just to get in her pants he is a fucking scumbag. There are plenty of little twerps out there that do that. It's disingenuous at best, controlling wimp at worst. These are the dudes that get friend zoned. Slimy, suck-up little fucks. You're friends with someone because you like their company. Not because you have an ulterior agenda. Fuck that. It's the same as hanging with a dude you despise because he gets free drinks at the bar. OK, bad analogy, but you get the idea.

 

I think you all just need to take a moment to think about why you would even have a girl as a friend who you want to bang but doesn't want to bang you back.

It's because you don't DHV.

Now stop being such chodes and start pulling. S'go! S'go! S'go! Wooo!

 

The same reason some women have male friends they know are interested in them, but who they will probably never fuck. People like attention. If you can't get pure, you'll take stuff that's stepped on because it's still better than nothing.

The age old battle of "Maybe One Day" vs. "Just In Case".

 

fuck hopkins.

ok, so I'm at the game, sitting behind their (5 person) band at the lax game. A little drunk, making fun of them.

Lady behind me yells at me, tells me if I don't like them, go sit somewhere else.

I tell her to settle down, i'm just screwing around and I haven't said anything derogatory (truth).

We go to leave at halftime because its pouring rain and we're killing hopkins.

As we're leaving, I tell the lady to calm down, get a sense of humor, relax, and have fun watching the lacrosse game. (word for word).

Her son then challenges me to a fist fight. For telling his mother to "relax and have fun"

REALLY?

 

So, how was it getting your ass kicked by a 12 year old?

 

It's been a fucked up day... several tornadoes ripped through my area this afternoon and the fatality count is rising. This is the Lowe's Home Improvement about 30 minutes from my house.

 

I love having this conversation with my female friends. Half of them are like "Yeah, I know, but I ignore it." The other half are all like "What? No, he's like a brother to me, he would never ever! You don't want to right?" Then I break it to them. If a girl asks any of her guy friends the following "If I we were both single, and lets say I came over on a Saturday afternoon and really wanted to have sex with no strings attached, would you?" The answer is going to be yes 99% of the time unless she is a butch dyke or he is gay.

All of my female friends know they can count on me to be their DITGC (Dick In The Glass Case) when it comes down to it. Sad thing is, only a few would have sex with me if it was to save my life. "I'd get you a prostitute or get one of my friends drunk for you." What the fuck?

 

Today was an EVEN MORE AMAZING DAY than last Sunday to go motorcycling. Rain not your thing? How about some fucking snow and 30 km/h winds? EVEN BETTER! It ain't training if it ain't raining.

Nonetheless, passed the exam and will be able to get my (more) permanent license soon. An interesting feeling, though, knowing that the only thing that separates me from the road is my own initiative.

As for this men and women friends debate (again), I remember one thing that was often hashed out over and over again by the mods in the advice forum regarding young men and their dating problems. They'd ask them, "do you have any female friends that you can call up and ask for dinner without there being any sexual tension or presumption that it would be a date?" It's a good indicator of someone's ability to relate to the opposite sex if they can be viewed as normal people to just hang out with and not just vaginas / serious commitment. I know some guys who like to say "I know I'm acting too much like a girl when girls start telling me their secrets" and maybe there's some merit to not simply being the guy girls dump on, but even if you'd bang her given a fair chance, it's altogether healthy to be able to spend time together without actively pursuing it.

 

Seeing two and a half foot mullet in public will brighten even the darkest days.

And if that doesn't work there is always Alison Brie.

 

So I go to play volleyball tonight to fill in for a team. It's not a very competitive league, so they tell me not to murder the ball/hurt anyone on the other team.

I decide to hit left handed instead of right and barely jump, and somebody on the other team blocks me and goes, "Wooo! Not in my house!" So, I hit lefty again, he blocks it again, and again says something.

I tell my setter to give me just one more set, but make it the best she can.

I go up as high as I can and absolutely fucking CRUSH the ball right handed, blowing it by the guy like he wasn't even there. Hit it off the floor just inside the ten foot line and almost up to the ceiling.

He then has the nerve to say, "Hey man, go easy, this is just a "B" league. Chill, it's just a "B" league."

I say, "Well then maybe you shouldn't talk shit when I'm hitting lefty and going easy on you."

I hate shit talkers. Just play the fucking game, numbnuts.

I hit lefty the rest of the match, he kept his mouth shut, and then I came home to pouring rain and my 1L bottle of Jerry.

How was everyone else's night?

 

Obligatory:



I was never a big fan of the shit talking either though. In college fraternity intramurals were the fucking worst. Funnily enough the game that we were closest coming to blows over with another team was kickball.

Ahh, to be a meathead again.

 

Mumford and Sons are putting on a great live show at youtube.com/coachella

I have red wine. I've gone too long without.

 

Just got in from my buddies place where we watched the Habs lay the smack down on the Bruins again, and my playoff hopeful San Jose Sharks get chalked by the Kings. I'm cheering for the Habs, ONLY because everyone in my pool jumped on the Boston bandwagon. I'm hoping for low scoring games in a 4-0 Habs sweep, then it's back to hating them. As for the Sharks, I assumed LA was going to be a easy match for them, seeing as J Will and Anze were out for them, but Williams comes back game 1 and Quick stands on his fucking head tonight.

Oh well, had chicken wings, they were delicious, and I had one Coors Light. The only beer in the house, so it was that or water. Even though I am on meds for a chest infection, wings aren't the same without beer.

As for the trash talking, it's a fine art. Competitive ro intramural anything, trash talking is a part of sports. And who goes easy when playing sports? Going easy results in the pussification of our youth. Isn't this the same board that bitches about everyone receiving participation medals and letting kids think its okay to lose? In the words of Herm Edwards, you play to win the games. And how here is some trash talk lessons from our good friends the Vancouver Canucks. Notice the part where he talks about his opponents wife. Great chirps all around.

 

I bought a good buddy of mine a fifth of green label Johnny Walker. Had a few glasses of that, plus some beers and some jungle juice. I'm Having a good night rigth now.

 

I'm drinking alone, playing on facebook and kind of watching the third installment of the Matrix trilogy.


My night pretty much blows....

 

I didn't believe it until I saw it. This story was on the front page of Google News. Craziness.

So, maybe the Mayans were on to something...

 

Question: is it possible for both sides of an argument to lose? I hope so.

People are weird.

 

"I wouldn't fuck you, but I'd facilitate the sexual assault of one of my best friends on your behalf."

Now that's a winner.