If you want some serious entertainment, just try and get a woman to explain the logic behind the "Free Gift" when buying makeup.
It's free! They say it's free! It's on the display counter ad that it's free! All I have to do is buy 50 bucks worth of stuff and booyah....free shit! I don't know what you're talking about. It's perfectly logical.
Because I like fresh food this is never a problem, 1 weeks worth of fresh veg and meat isn't that heavy. Real men know how to cook and use real ingredients.
Bag of dogfood, bag of charcoal, gallon of milk, you are about up to capacity buddy. Even without all of your fresh ingredients. How do real men feel about GPS? I mean, on the one hand it is a gadget so it is ok, but on the other it violates the no direction rule. edit - and the free gift with purchase totally makes sense. You pay the same amount but get a bunch of extra stuff. I haven't bought eyeshadow or lipstick for years and just use the free shit.
Before I had a car, I would buy two weeks' worth of groceries, and carry them home for 1-2 miles depending on the supermarket. I had two bags in each hand, and each one usually weighed about ten pounds. If you're a man, and not a limp-armed pussy, that's easily manageable.
GPS is perfectly acceptable. A real man always sets it at the beginning of the trip and then races the ETA display to improve on his time and show his awesomeness. Radar/laser detectors are an acceptable survivor tool as well.
Turning off the female robo voice is a must also. God know she takes you the long way sometimes and don't want to have to listen to all that "recalculating" bullshit every time you know a short cut.
If you have a dog the size of a (whatever we decided was acceptable) you had better add a minimum of 25 pounds to that. Plus the minimum of 10 pounds for a bag of charcoal for the barbequing you are doing. But there I go with that crazy logic yet again.
No, you, the woman, are up to capacity. It is common knowledge that a man can carry three fully laden grocery bags per finger. No, a man has a bucket filled with ice and beers.
Along the same lines... Yes, you are allowed to drink a frozen drink, and yes, you should be ready to get laughed at, as someone else pointed out. However, if there is a swim up bar, then one should assume that they will have beer. Since you have swim-up access to cold beer, there is no reason why you should worry about yours getting warm. And if if does get warm, then by God, drink the rest of the warm ass beer you so neglectfully let get to that condition and swim your dumb ass up to the bar and get another.
False. There is nothing unmanly about an extra-large double-double. Nor a more mundane "large, two sugar, no cream".
Coffee-related: Thou shalt never use the words "tall", "grande", or "venti" when ordering a coffee. Small, medium and large work fine for the rest of the world, don't be "that guy".
If you get out of your car and notice your car is crooked, you are to get back in and straighten your car. If your buddy makes a move on a girl at a bar, that is private parking for the rest of the night unless said otherwise. If you make the football team, you must go out into the parking lot and headbutt the passenger side windows of cars. Starting defense. Place at the table.
False. The woman should have ensured that there is adequate toilet paper in the bathroom. It is perfectly acceptable to call the woman and have her replace the toilet paper while you sit upon your throne. Traditionally, the woman then fellates the man in an effort to apologize. If you have no woman, then you do the pants down shuffle to the TP stash. If the TP stash is empty, then anything goes.