We're having the Office Olympics this week. Had a "plasma car" race today. Man, those things are a real bitch to operate. Tomorrow is "Survivor Biathlon". Apparently I'm running the event and no one on our events committee remembers what the hell "survivor biathlon" was supposed to be. It definitely involves a dart board, but that's all anyone remembers. Fuck sakes. Anyone have any ideas what I can do to make up some sort of competitive event that is biathlon-esque?
Ride the plama cars and shoot targets with one of those Nerf guns at various stations. If it doesn't work out, at least one person will probably get real, real hurt and that's important.
Ugh. We had someone get hurt two years ago. Tied paper box tops to peoples' feet and made them slalom down the hallway. Our CEO fell into the wall and chipped a tooth. Bad news bears.
I'm in a weird place. My brother got engaged about an hour ago. I'm happy for him, really. But I'm terrified that shit isn't going to work out and it'll be like my parents all over again. They have 11 marriages between them. My mom has three and my dad has eight now. I know I'm projecting in a bad way, but this shit is overwhelming. I need some rum. And I'm sorry for ruining your buzz.
OK I'm tempted to avoid this for your sake....but how does this happen? I'm assuming you have more insight than I do into this. What possesses someone to say "Yeah, sure, the FIRST seven didn't work out too well. But this eighth one? This is the one. I just know it." Presumably getting out of seven previous marriages was a bit of a pain in the ass for him. What makes him go for the ocho?
Yeah, holy shit. What's wrong with living in sin? After the third or fourth that would be my approach.
There's a lot of issues going on. One, my dad is 65 and is old fashioned. He's got it into his head that just living with a woman without making a wife out of her is unseemly. Since he isn't close with the rest of the family, he doesn't feel beholden to anybody. Not that he'd really give a flying shit what they thought anyway. My dad doesn't put up with anything he considers bullshit. He's of the opinion that there's nothing wrong with him, but everything wrong with her. Like his last four marriages, I give this one a 1-2 year honeymoon period before one of wife 8's annoying habits forces him to get rid of her and half of his stuff. The worst thing about all this, aside from the fact that he's been married 8 times, is that all of his recent soon to be ex-wives are of Southeastern Asian descent. He's got a thing for Filipino women right now. Before that it was Thai, and then Korean (my mom). He brings these women over, gets sick of them, and they get a green card, a house and a car. It's like winning the illegal immigrant lottery. On an unrelated note, I had a panic attack when my girlfriend mentioned marriage. All I heard was a pilot's voice saying "We've lost cabin pressure." and hyperventilating.
Take a second to soak this one in, kids: ..yes, that was real. Ban MMA, ban hockey fights. This shit is perfectly fine, though.
Ugh. Get to play juror for a trial tomorrow. It wasn't so bad sitting in the pool waiting because at least I had my computer to enterain me, but after getting called it is was clear about the minute after selection started that there was no way I wasn't going to be selected. I have problems sitting still for 10 minutes, so this better be the most interesting trial in the world.
You know, this was the first year that I celebrated Mardis Gras and I have to say, I was disappointed in you, New York. My friend and I wanted to be just a little bit trashy, and everywhere we went was all classy and shit. I'm not saying I would have flashed my boobs for some beads, but I am saying that I would've preferred to work a little bit harder for them than I did. (Which was being born female.) The best part of the night (besides somehow being charged $8 for two $12 drinks - by a female bartender no less) was when my friend was in the bathroom, and I was at our table right next to this table full of guys, and this girl stood right in front of us, and she had the most insane proportions ever. I swear to god she looked something like this: | | ( ) (Um, the vertical lines are her waist and the parenthesis are her ass.) And I couldn't help but express awe, so I whirled around to the guys with a look somewhat like this: And they didn't say anything, but I'm pretty sure I made some lifelong friends.
My illustration didn't work. So I Googled "huge ass small waist" and I came up with something pretty accurate: Although that kind of looks photoshopped to me.