That last option sounds pretty appropriate. I intend to see how drunk I can get by the time my girlfriend gets home from work. Then I will wave my wiener at her as soon as she gets in the door.
A beltless trenchcoat and zippered gimp mask will do wonders, but use blue to backlight. I'm guessing that you're a winter and you don't want warmth clashing with your aura while you're whipping around a sack so big a cartoon robber should be running from the cops with it.
I found out that a girl I used to know is now living in LA and dating a rock star. She was in one of his band's videos. I feel like I lost. Someone, make a rockstar video. I will shake my 34B's in it for a reduced fee.
Would you dance on a stripper pole in an auto-wrecking yard with flame geysers shooting everywhere? Because that would be awesome.
Friday before Mardi Gras and I'm home before 8:00. Sober. You people better be fucking entertaining tonight.
In a romantic comedy, you would do that, and she would have been unable to get out of inviting her boss over for a spur of the moment dinner she forgot to call you about.
So I'm sitting here on a Friday night, enjoying a nice glass of pinot and watching "Say Yes to the Dress" and this HORRIBLE commercial for Zumba Rush (the video game) appears on my tv. No one dances like that in front of their tv. Do they? Am I missing something here?
God. Why wait for a video? You could have like, a billion internet dollars in a week. Besides making a drink I have to consume with a spoon, this is my new jam: RUM. Also, raise your hand if you're not wearing pants. NOT SO FAST, PEOPLE.
While not a music video, I'm sure I can talk to one of our directors into getting you in one of our...productions. And yes, there will be shaking. Come to think of it, we have also placed girls in some music videos, most notably FloRida. However, they were in movies first. So scene first, music video after.
Does your company start with "B" and end with "-ang Bus"? Not judging. I'm sure they are completely reputable characters when they're not sodomizing 20 year olds.
How dare you sir? We are much more reputable than that! We have real studios, dressing rooms, crew members and everything! It starts with P and ends with enthouse btw.
How does one come by that job anyway? I also imagine the office looking like the Breastiary at Nipopolis from the Major Boobage episode of South Park. Everything made to look like tits. Water dispenser is a tit, paper weights, the erasers on pencils... to enter you have to walk through banana tit shaped arches.
To be fair I'm in the corporate office. And I got the job through a headhunter, nothing exciting. It's a weird setup in that corporate is in Florida, publishing of the magazine is done in NY and movies are made in CA. Also, you guys like porn? Good. Never go see how it's made. I liken it to hot dogs. If you like hot dogs you don't want to know the process. Same concept. Yes, sometimes the shoots can be fun, but there are times it is just the saddest story ever, like a Charles Dickens novel.
Soooooo they grind the whores up into liquidy "force meat" and stuff her inside a pig's intestine with paprika? Go on. I'm at half mast. When you're on the shoot, is it ok to hit on the "talent"? Admit it. Your job is an enforcer to keep them in line. If they don't fulfill the gangbang obligation you kill their cat. This is the hottest shit ever. Side note, I just watched The Rum Diary. Amber Heard is possibly the hottest woman on the planet. Plus she eats carpet. Why the fuck doesn't Freecorps call up her agent and get to fucking work here?
So, I need to know if anyone still has a link to the "you put your nutz 'n derr nigga" porn video that seems to be lost somewhere in these threads... Nobody here seems to believe that it is actually possible.
Fat wenches that watch "say yes to the dress" do. But I can't say shit Ive done both P90X and Insanity which have you running around like and idiot. Tony tone is the worst.
NSFCMC Ehhh close enough. Also, your friends so naive. Are they female of low morality? If so introduce me.
Wait...you're studying to be a doctor, right? And you feel like you failed in comparison to the strung-out girl living in LA, shaking her ass in the background of an obscure music video? I didn't even know they still made videos. Pick yourself up and congratulate yourself that when your 34Bs are carried to wealth and happiness courtesy of your brain, her 32DDs will become 44AroundTheBellyButtons and the rock star will still be seeing a 24-year-old.
I didn't find that one but here's one of the funniest porn outtakes around. NSFCMC On a vaguely porn-related note: the first GIS result for "axe wound" is an actual axe wound. Not what I expected. Also, don't google image search axe wound. I know you're going to. Don't blame me. Shit's gross.
BACK UP!!! LIKE A PTERODACTYL!!!! KAYAWW! KAYAWW!!!! I think I might make some German potato soup right now.