I am a stupid stupid man. I decided to take my parents dog out with me in my brothers car while I picked up dinner. Sensible right? I wanted the dog to not be left behind and I wanted him to have a bit of fun. Unfortunately while I was grabbing the food he became nervous and took a massive shit in the back of the car. Now I have shit all over the back of my brother's hatch and a dejected dog. Hopefully if I get the car detailed it will take care of everything but the dog shit is in every nook and cranny in the back. Dammit.
Similarly, I do this with songs in TV and movies. Drives my wife crazy. If I hear a song, especially if the first time I heard it was in a show or movie, I have to say what scene it is from. Nothing makes me cringe more than watching Scrubs on netflix. Half the songs are changed from the original airings. Apparently, this isn't normal.
My cat likes my husband more than me. I'd like to think it's because he's bigger than I am, but I don't know. There's no loyalty with him. I got him when he was 3 months old. Some dude comes into the picture 8 years later and he's all over him all the time. Traitor!
I once took my dad's dog to the vet (in my dad's truck, though), and that dog took an ENORMOUS shit right on the transmission tunnel. You wouldn't think a turd that big would come out of a dog that size: the dog is some mutt that weighs about 50 pounds, and this turd was almost a foot long, and about 1.5" wide. It's like he was saving it up or something. Luckily, since my dad was a farmer, his truck had a rubber floor. In other news, the air conditioner crapped out here at Casa de Bandit; the evaporator is iced over, indicating a malfunctioning expansion valve. It's currently 85 degrees (F) and humid as fuck right now, and it's only going to get worse... Times like this, there's only one thing that can cheer me up: Spoiler Spoiler Spoiler
My kid refuses to let me wipe her snotty little nose with a tissue, but rather, insists on wiping her face on my shirt or on my hand. Fucking disgusting. No one told me kids were this nasty.
You don't have a nearly 14 year old boy. We could put out Canadian wildfires with the number of showers that kid takes.
I tell you, I don't know why we suffered so long with stiff bullshit dress shirts. Ive become too spoiled with shit like Uber and expect every industry to pump out the most no brainer ideas. I ordered one of those "space age fiber" shirts from Mizzen and Main. Shit is the bomb titties. Feels like a light polo shirt. I also head previously gotten a couple of pair of those denim spandex blend jeans. Comfortable as shit, except you don't get to really wear them in as nicely after washing them than you do regular denim.
Every time I think I've finally met the dumbest person I've ever encountered I receive an unpleasant surprise.
Congratulations to Alexander Rossi for winning the 100th Indianapolis 500. That is the way to represent Northern California.
Is it a bad sign when your mood is exponentially improved by alcohol consumption? No? Awesome. I haven't drank in earnest in a couple months now. Maybe my life makes more sense in a cloud of inebriation. Deep thoughts this holiday season. Had some beers last night. Went on a cemetery tour where army bro and I righted a toppled tombstone. Had some wine with dinner. Now I'm sitting here sipping a spiked coffee thinking about my next move. Even the mundane seems amazing. Booze is my crack. My senses perked right up, my anxiety seems secondary, and I suddenly have energy. What the FUCK?
What a shit weekend out... cold and rainy... the cat is looking at me like it's my fault. He shut up once I turned on the fireplace, and now he's snoring in the chair basking in the heat. Spent the last couple of days sanding the fuck out of some pieces to my latest piece of "rustic" furniture. (rustic == "somewhat less shitty than the last piece you did but still not a precision piece of work"). It really is amazing just how much better pieces look when you take them from the rough, just-glued-up stage, to sanded down to 320 grit in prep for finishing. The best part is that I've finally dialled in my dust extraction system so that there's zero airborne sawdust while doing even the finest of sanding... no tickle in the throat, no respirator required... just hours of listening to podcasts while mindlessly sanding.
Well then: Michael Bay thinks Kate Beckinsale is plain. I never realized this guy is actually Michael Bay.
Michael Bay is an idiot. Not only is Kate Beckinsale beautiful, she's been beautiful for an extended period of time with no end in site. She's 43 and still smokin'. I had red meat (grilled) and white potato salad (Southern style), so I added Blue beer. Well, the can anyway. Red Brick Session IPA. It's tasty.
Crown Royal. Even more Crown Royal. Game of Thrones and Silicon Valley. Fireplace. The next logical thing was to crank up the guitar and relive my youth.