The Goonies I've gotten all the way through this movie once in my life. I can't say what it is about the movie, but i can't get into it. Maybe it's that I can't find a single character that I care about. Maybe the story doesn't grab me the way it does most people. One thing I can say for certain is that the dialogue is horrible. Please tell me there is one person besides me who gets how terrible this movie is.
Sleepless In Seattle Everyone seemed to love Meg Ryan at the time this came out, and it's gone down as one of the most romantic movies of the last generation. Rest assured, in the days leading up to Valentine's Day this fucker will be on repeat on most networks. I hated this movie. It's saccharine sweet, unrealistic and so very annoying. If you ever met someone through a random radio broadcast and their kid started following you around, it would be grounds for legal action, not marriage. Plus, I just think the characters are unlikable and the entire film is stupid. And yet it plays, over and over, every year.
The Princess Bride I'm sure I'm in the extreme minority on this one, because everyone I have ever talked to about this flick has slobbed its balls better than a gold digger avoiding a prenup. That being said, fuck this movie and all the hype it gets. Maybe it's because I have a hard time accessing my inner child or something, but this movie didn't click with me at all. When some people I knew found out that I had never seen (actually never even heard of) this movie at the age of 20 they insisted I watch it immediately. They then played it up with great excitement for a few days before watching it with me only to spend half the movie watching me too see if I was laughing. I wasn't. Clever and playful? Sure. But funny? Not so much. Definitely not the bee's knees I was expecting. 10 year old me would have probably thought it was great, but without the nostalgia pull that everyone else had I didn't feel like I had much to go on. I will give it another go at some point, but I feel it's already too late.
Avatar I will give James Cameron credit for visual effects, but other than that this movie does nothing for me. The story is so completely unoriginal (basically Pocahontas but with blue cat people) and it was unnecessarily long. I got board with it half way through. How this got nominated for best picture baffles me. The Spiderman Movies As a kid I loved Spiderman and was so excited when the first movie was coming out. I thought the first one was alright, the second on was bearable as well and the third one was an onscreen abortion. What ruined them for me was Toby Maguire. He made such an awful Spiderman (in my opinion) that I get angry just thinking about it. There have been times where I would get in fights with friends over this and I found it hard to explain what it was about him as Spiderman that angered me. There is just something about his portrayal of the character that does not sit well with me.
There are a lot more, now that I think about it... Fargo- I love the Coen Brothers' work, but this their one film I dislike. Yeah, it has great acting, and the realism is neat. However, those two elements aren't enough, especially with such a banal story, and the lack of any real punchline. Mediocre. Toy Story- Watched it as a kid, remember being completely unimpressed. What is the big deal? A lesson on learning to share affection and an unlikely friendship? Big deal. Not bad, but not good, either. The Sound of Music- Another film I watched as a kid, but this one I patently disliked. The songs were awful, and why doesn't the father just beat his misbehaving children? Yeah, I'm sure this was amazing for a 6 year old girl growing up in the 60s. That reminds me! I love The Dark Knight and The Prestige by Nolan, but before that, Batman Begins- Utter fucking garbage. They take a completely ridiculous story about an immortal being living in Antarctica, and try to play it as a serious story. The fight scenes are horrible thanks to the shaky cam, and the speeches laughably stupid, especially from Katie Holmes, delivering one of the worst acting performances I have ever seen. There is not a single good thing about this movie except a few of the actors, and a cool-looking car. Amazing how they fixed damn near all of these problems in the sequel, with the exception of the shaky cam. Memento- Way too predictable. For that reason, it was not particularly exciting or engaging, and got repetitive. In fact, the exact opposite of how I felt about The Prestige...
Fight Club/Any other movie where "it's all in someone's mind" - The acting in Fight Club was good but I couldn't get into the story, I didn't really give a shit about the characters and then come to find out it all never happened. Something about this just pisses me off*. Other recent obnoxious perpetrators of the "all in someone's mind" genre, all shit movies in my book: Spoiler Haute Tension - I love, love, loved this movie right up until the end. Jesus! Identity Secret Window *Yes, I realize that Fight Club is based on a famous book - it still drives me crazy to have an ending like that to anything.
Another movie that I could barely stand to watch while everyone else seemed to adore it was 28 Days Later. I just don't see what everybody else does, I guess. It's just another generic zombie movie. And not a very good one. Granted... The infected people aren't actually zombies, but you know what I mean. It still fits the genre. I didn't find the movie scary or tense. I didn't give a shit about Jim or any of the other characters. By the time the third act started, I was just ready for it to end. Spoiler And that fucking happy-go-lucky supermarket scene? Ridiculous. Any chance the movie had of hooking me was instantly blown away. And since I'm ragging on a Danny Boyle film... Sunshine. I was actually really enjoying the movie until... That's right. The third act. Spoiler When the "villain" was revealed, I had a "you've got to be fucking kidding me" moment and was ready to stop the DVD.
I fucking hated Dances With Wolves. I thought it was the most ridiculous thing ever seeing the fish-man Kevin Costner go full-Indian. Every scene in the latter half of the movie made me laugh out loud. Then again I was high.
Braveheart Three hours long with not a single interesting character or a shred of originality. Yeah, battles. Yeah, Mel Gibson screaming freedom. No better than a mediocre made-for-TV film, I think. It pisses me off that Rob Roy, another Scotland epic released in the same year and of far superior writing, remains so underappreciated, while Braveheart was a popular and critical hit. The Green Mile What is the point of this movie? Why would anyone like it? Is it riding the coattails of The Shawshank Redemption? Or do people enjoy seeing Tom Hanks pretending to be in agony from urinary infection? I am truly baffled. Also, three hours long.
Revolutionary Road This, like Crash, was like the director and screenwriter knocking on your door, beating you in the head with a baseball bat and raping your children. Requiem for a Dream was painful to watch and brilliant while this was painful to watch because everyone on screen is a sorry sack of shit. Iron Man 2 Terrible script, way too little action. I didn't think it was possible for Samuel L Jackson to get less screen-time than he did in a movie where a fucking shark ate him midway through the first act. And where did Mickey Rourke learn how to do that accent? Watching old John Wayne flicks?
Revolutionary Road was excellent. Each character is pathetic/fake in their own way, but it's not done in the over-the-top, unrealistic, moralizing manner of Crash (which fucking sucked). Each character is competent, intelligent, and correct just enough of the time for them to be partially sympathetic and relatable. I know married couples, old ladies, and women similar to the ones in the movie; dumber, if anything. If you don't like character studies (which is perfectly fine), it's clearly not for you. Personally, it was one of the best movies of 2009. Focus- Dark City (1998)- A city eternally shrouded in darkness sees a confrontation between a man falsely wanted for his wife's murder and strange creatures of the night. When I first saw the film (only the last hour), late at night as a teenager, I thought it was incredible. Watching the whole thing awake and sober...it's not that good. I was lucky to skip the first 30-40 minutes, as it added damn near nothing to the film, not even mood or tension. The core premise is a good one, and the film raised a lot of questions and mysteries. Ultimately though, the director took the easy way out, by answering absolutely none of them, ending included. And that would be fine, if the action and individual scenes were really good. But they're only decent, at best, and it felt like they did very little with the story. Still, the visual style and atmosphere is excellent. Overall, it's decent; just don't go in expecting greatness. 63/100
I thought this was a thread about movies everyone else loves that you hate, not generally ignored movies that you find mediocre (just fucking with you, I'm sure you meant to post this in the old movie review thread). Focus: The Godfather: Now before you crucify me, understand that I think this is a decent movie on its own. I just made the grievous error of reading the book right before watching the movie (this could probably be its own topic) and quite frankly it just didn't even come close in my mind. Maybe it's because the visuals and tone I imagined while reading the book were so different than the movie but I couldn't like it. Brando was very far from the Don Corleone I saw while reading Puzo's book, I imagined him having a much more approachable and friendly demeanor than Brando portrayed. I cringed while watching the "you can act like a man" speech he gives his nephew, it just wasn't nearly as powerful as I imagined. Spoiler Not to mention the fact that his death in the book was a beautiful scene with his dying words "everything is so beautiful" quote just before passing. In the movie it was just an "oh shit that sucks" scene. Yes, I know he said those words in the movie, but it wasn't the same I tell you! Not to mention the scenes they left out from the book. I know this isn't a logical attack on a movie since it should be judged as its own body of work, but I was so biased when I watched it there's no way for me to rationally enjoy this film. Oh and I thought Crash fucking sucked too. Not really sure why, but I wanted to punch everyone I know that called it a "must see" right in the kidneys.
Ok, so it wasn't a super popular movie or anything. But fuck, if you hear the way Dark City is lauded by every little indie fag and critic, it makes perfect sense that KIMaster put it here. And I agree with his analysis as well. Ok, not great by any means.
Blues Brothers is a bible to every John Popper fan, i.e. - overweight, awkward, and likely to wear a fedora.
Batman: Forever This movie grossed 190 million domestic. It was the number 1 movie of 1995's summer, over Die Hard 3, Braveheart, Apollo 13, Waterworld, Crimson Tide, Pocahontas, etc. This movie is GARBAGE. Hammy acting, filled with a 2nd-rate computer effects design to a stupid looking Gotham City (The Tim Burton models for Gotham were WAAAAAAY cooler and darker), and the razzle-dazzle fight scenes and explosions were so fucking stupid looking you would think you were watching an anime cartoon. Val Kilmer pretending to have a deep voice. Replacing Danny Elfman's incredible, legendary music score with a much shittier one. Robin?!?!? Are you KIDDING me? What is your damage, girlfriend? Leonard Maltin rates this as the best Batman movie. He is wrong. Forrest Gump Don't get me wrong, I don't HATE this movie, but letting this movie win best picture and director the same year Shawshank Redemption, Pulp Fiction and Quiz Show were nominated is just pure heresy. It toned downed the brilliantly satiracal novel and injected it with whimsy and rah-rah bullshit instead, and although Tom Hank's magnetic performance is great the film just doesn't work in my book.
The Lord of the Rings Trilogy. This was the biggest shit-fest of excessive slow motion, sappy music, drawn out endings (I think the final 30 minutes of the first installment had three separate "slow motion character recaps" of people knowing nodding their heads, walking down the street, etc etc), and pretentious bullshit. Overly purposeful and painfully slow. Gigantic plot hole at the end? Check. George Lucas -esque overuse of CGI? Check. Completely predictable ending for the main action stars? Check. Endless, mind numbing, and corny action scenes with a dwarf as comic relief and one liners? Check. (Masters of the Universe with Dolph Lundgren has this too, see where I'm going)
The Waterboy (or any Sandler-controlled formula film for that matter) This is one of Adam Sandler's biggest hits and probably his worst film, and that is fucking saying something. Once again, Sandler plays a whiney-sounding retard that for some reason can kick the living shit out of anybody and wins the girl in the end. There is nothing (besides Clint Howard) good about this film. NOT. FUNNY. ONCE. No funny lines, every character is retarded, and it resorts to stupid, third-rate slapstick to bring in the viewers, which it did in droves. This is just another dye-cast of the typical Sandler formula which has been repeating over and over since 1994 and has no end in sight. Fuck off.
Bravo... Crown, Bravo. I fucking hate almost all of Adam Sandler's movies. Billy Maidison is the one I reserve all my true hatred for. I just do not understand how anyone could like that stupid baby voice he does. His style of humor isn't even slapstick, it's a string of fart and poop jokes said in that awful baby voice. The fact that he is so incredibly powerful that he produces films that he always dreamed of doing or being in (The longest yard, Happy Gilmore, ect...) is also frustrating. He is clearly talented, I just think the voice he does is the equivalent of someone raking their nails on a chalkboard. I thought "Funny People" was an excellent movie.
Wedding Crashers. This movie apparently inspired a generation of douche bags to believe they are just...that...cool. I didn't think any of it was funny, and while the women in this movie were hot, they weren't hot enough to sit through this twice. I fail to understand the popularity of this pile of shit.