MTV's Jersey Shore (was "Jersey without my hair gel")

Wash her, yes. But you'll need to put at least 20 quarters into the pressure wand to detail THAT filthy exterior. Yeech.

I am certain that she wipes forward.

 

Fuck a monkey...

If anybody's got some venture capital lying around, I think we could make a mint selling wife-beaters with popped collars on Staten Island alone.

 

I saw this posted on another forum, here is the story behind the punch:

I cant believe I'm using a spoiler tag for this show:

Spoiler

After her drink's stolen, MTV star gets punch

A cast member of an MTV show filming at the Jersey Shore got a fistful of reality Wednesday when an inebriated New York man punched her in the face during a taping at an Ocean County bar.

Seaside Heights Police Chief Thomas Boyd confirmed yesterday that the woman who was hit inside the Beachcomber Bar & Grill a little after 2 a.m. Wednesday was part of MTV's latest foray at the popular resort town.

"It's a reality series," he said. "I think it's about Italians at the Shore."

MTV declined to comment on the incident or the show, which according to several casting Web sites is titled "The Guidos," a not-so-complimentary reference to young Italian-American men who frequent the Jersey Shore in Ocean and Monmouth counties.

Seaside Heights Detective Steve Korman said the suspect, Brad Ferro, 23, of Deer Park, N.Y., was told to stop drinking by bouncers at the Beachcomber Wednesday morning because he appeared intoxicated.

The bar's bouncers let Ferro stay, however, and he eventually stole the female cast member's alcoholic beverage from the bar and guzzled it down.

That apparently caused instant drama. Korman said Ferro punched the woman - who was not identified - with a closed fist in the face.

Ferro was arrested on simple-assault and disorderly-person charges. The cast member was not treated.

A man who answered the phone at the Beachcomber declined to comment, saying, "You'll just have to watch the show," before hanging up.

On a recent blog post announcing the show's arrival, Seaside Heights Public Information Director Peter J. Smith wrote that the reality-based show was being kept "hush-hush."

"I can however say that the show involves a group of people who are working in the local nightclub scene," he wrote.

Smith, who could not be reached for comment, said the show included a single, closed set that has been built atop the "Shore Store" on the Boardwalk.

MTV has filmed in Seaside Heights twice before, hosting its Summer Beach House programming there in 1997 and 2002.

Last year, in Belmar, Monmouth County, Mayor Ken Pringle took some heat after he poked fun at female tourists from Staten Island and well-tanned "guidos" who he claimed wear designer jeans and Armani Exchange shirts.

On July 25, American Idol contestant Alexis Cohen, of Allentown, was killed in Seaside Heights by a man fleeing police after an accident in a nightclub parking lot.

 

I'm pretty sure Snooki said to Mike, "Fuckin.. I want you to fuck my asshole. Right now." In the hot tub, surrounded by people.

Wow.

 

Yes. That is what was said.

It was quite a situation for The Situation's situation. Situation.

 

She is seriously the most repugnant chick on the planet at this time. If I was that Mike asshole, I probably would have thrown up into the jacuzzi instantly. Oh well, at least she got punched in the face (though she didn't actually provoke it). Oh, it turns out the guy's a GYM TEACHER from Queens.

Every time I watch this show, I find a new way of getting the heebie-jeebies. I mean, look at Snooki. No seriously, look at her. Or, she'll die.




...situation.

 

If I was Mike, first I would make certain I was hammered drunk, then I'd fuck her ass in the hot tub until the water turned brown.

When she passes out, I'd toss her out of my camaro while doing 60.

 

How contaminated is that jacuzzi by now? There's no way on the planet I'd get in it.

 

How does someone get kicked out of a reality show house after A WEEK.

And did you guys watch the aftershow? They revealed that Angelina had hooked up with The Situation BEFORE THEY GOT TO THE HOUSE. I'm flabbergasted. Really. Apparently while they were in the house The Situation was trying to explain to everyone the situation of how The Situation hooked up with Angelina before they got there. But they didn't include it in the show because she kept denying it.

Then she admitted the situation with The Situation last night.

PS. I'm changing my name to The Circumstance.

 

I think the best description of Snooki I've come across yet is "...an unfortunate little person." That is, I think, the politest way of saying what everyone else is thinking. I really hope her parents aren't watching this show. She is so, so lost and they should be embarassed at their epic parenting failures.

But she did NOT deserve to get punched in the face. Period. Anyone who says otherwise has serious issues that need to be worked out in a therapists office. And that dude who punched her? His dad is blaming MTV, Snooki, and alcohol.....basically, everyone BUT his son (http://www.nydailynews.com/gossip/2...hy_mtv_thugs_a_qns_teacher.html#ixzz0ZP9zMURl). Hate to be the bearer of bad news, but YOUR SON CHOSE TO CLOCK A GIRL IN THE FACE. If alcohol "turns him into someone different" then it's on YOUR SON to abstain from drinking lest he make poor choices that don't reflect his character. If MTV told him to punch her, then YOUR SON should've refused and stuck to his values instead. If Snooki was being "aggressive", then it's on YOUR SON to diffuse the situation in a non-confronational manner. Seriously, any way you spin this...it's his fault. The idiocy of this man astounds me.

Not only would my parents be utterly humiliated if I acted like that on national television, but they would tell any reporter that asked about their utter humiliation as well. I really cannot understand why this man is defending his son....other than the implication that a piece of shit doesn't fall far from an asshole. Ugh.

Next time my mother tells me I'm being a horrible child for doing something mildly rebellious (like making her decorative angels pose in compromising positions) I'm going to sit her in front of MTV and make her watch.

 

I think the best adjective to describe her would be "roly-poly"

That said, she certainly should not have been punched in the face. I mean, Jesus Christ, that was fucked up. I'm glad we got a better shot of it in the preview, I'd already analyzed the content of the original .GIF like the Zapruder film to try and figure out what was going on in the background and who noticed. Now I can check the preview footage for the immediate reactions of her housemates.

 

I broke down and watched it. I couldn't tear my eyes away, sort of like waiting for that last train to go off the track.

I think the ultimate moment was when "The Situation" officially making my brain break down with this sentence:

It's one of those sentences that makes you get a nose bleed if you think about it for too long.

Also, one of my friends sent this to me as the Jersey Shore drinking game. I'm pretty sure it's designed to kill you. Someone will end up in the hospital by the end of an hour-long episode...


Drink once every time any of the following occurs:
1: Someone says "Guido/Guidette"
2: Anytime someone makes a spectacle of his or her body part(s)
3: Anytime you see some applying hair gel, a poof, or extensions
4: anytime an article of clothing is removed or brandished.
5: anytime one of the female housemates calls another girl a "hoar"/"slut"/general degradation...
6: Making out occurs
7: anyone references "The Shore"
8: anyone says "family" or "italian"
9: SHAAAAAAAAAHTS!
10: anytime Mike says "the situation"
11: blurring or pixellation is edited in

Two drinks in the event of a fight breaking out

**finish your drink if a girl gets punched**

 

Looks like it was scheduled to be aired next week, but now the punch won't be aired at all.

http://www.eonline.com/uberblog/marc_ma ... pulls.html

 

12: Drink every time watching this show gives you murder-suicide urges. Die of alcohol poisoning in six minutes.

 

Damn it. Now I have to start watching it with my closed caption on.

I'm actually having mixed feelings about this show now. At first I was all excited for more trainwreck tv but now it's surpassing Springer-like entertainment and heading quickly into disturbing. I am actually feeling really badly for the moronic behavior of these poor people. The lack of personal responsibility, the entitlement, the whoring, and the pride they all take in their self-centeredness makes me want to take them to the roadside and have them move boulders in 90 degree heat. What's worse is the bullshit, the insane claim of "family" juxtaposed with complete hypocrisy--it's beginning to be way too much for my brain to handle. How the hell do they all talk about being a family and then stab each other in the back every chance they get? And how does J-Woww completely cheat on her boyfriend with her housemate and then run to Ronnie to rat out Sammi for TALKING to another guy?

And why do I fucking know their names?

AAAAARRRRGGGHHHHHHHHHH!!!

Kill me now, please.

EDIT: By the way, the guy that punched out Snookie is a gym teacher in New York. I wonder how long he's going to have his job after this.

 

Nick Kroll (The League) has a pretty funny Jersey Shore audition tape on Funny or Die.

 

Here's the fucksticks performing the Story of Christmas on Kimmel. God, I HATE them:

http://www.screenjunkies.com/tvnews...-christmas-jimmy-kimmel-camel-eats-baby-jesus