Oh Say Can You Seeeee! Weeklong 4th of July Drunk Thread '12

COTTAGE!

Are we still making fun of Canadians for that? I forget.

 

Bought an above ground pool the other day, it's filled, and working great. Also purchased a floating cooler, so I will be lounging in the pool and getting drunk with my wife. Also, you bastards that have five day weekends can go suck a donkey dong. I've got Wednesday, and only Wednesday, off next week.

In other news, the new drunk baby meme is cracking me up.

Spoiler

 

I'm jealous of your pool. If anyone needs me this weekend, I'll be Charlie Browning it in a bucket.

Here is my child-related "found-it-on-Facebook" photo:

Spoiler

 

Q: What would have been more fun than going in to work early on a Friday to finish up a marketing assignment?

A:

Spoiler

Fucking near anything.

 

My mind has already left the building and I cannot wait to wake up to this view every morning next week...


The only minor problem presented by next week is going (solo) with my parents, sister, brother, sis-in-law, and gaggle of neices. I love them but after four or five days I start getting restless...(drinking heavier). Then again its the Fourth of July holiday, a time for good cheer and starting wild fires by irresponsibly lighting off fireworks to one-up our neighbors. Hard to beat that. Should be entertaining, even for the Canadians on the board.

 

I'm working this Saturday, all next week with the 4th included (tentatively) and Saturday and Sunday next weekend. Fuck my life.

 

You're entering a realm which is...unusual. Maybe it's magic, or contains some kind of monster. The second one. Prepare to enter...The Scary Door.

 

Halfway through the first part of my move. FUCK MY LIFE. You never realize how much random little shit you have till you move. And thats with me throwing out way more stuff than I did last move and donating ALOT of clothes. Oh and you're telling me I have to be out by noon tomorrow and can't get into my new place till Monday morning? Yay for being a drifter all weekend.

Had to move everything out into the main room last night as the cleaning lady and carpet cleaners needed to come in this morning. Tonite we're packing up the UHAUL and then have to store it over the weekend. The bright side is I'll have complete peace of mind all weekend with the majority of moving tasks out of the way. Going on a booze cruise tomorrow with work people and assorted randoms. Should be super hot, so being on the water will be nice.

Also related, I'm worried my roommate may be a fledgling hoarder. He just has so much random shit. I thought my other roommate was going to kill him as he contributed about 5% of the common room cleaning and whatnot cause he had so much of his shit to pack and move. And he's moving in with his GF so he had all month to do this. Le sigh, moving is the fucking WORST.

 

Dear dude-who-at-one-time-offered-to-buy-me-a-sex-swing-but-then-couldn't-understand-when-I-said-that-we-should-end-contact-because-the-sex-swing-would-have-come-with-the-clause-that-we-pee-on-each-other-which-I-am-totally-not-down-for,
Stop fucking emailing me.
Sincerely,
Me.

 

Well if that's the dealbreaker I'll buy you a sex swing and even help you break it in - no peeing involved. Deal?

 

Angel, I would prefer if you would tell me these things via PM.

Secondary: I smell like gunpowder. Or, if you prefer, victory.

 

Well that's just poor planning all around - except for the booze cruise of course.

I had to sleep in a uHaul once ... on my sofa ... with my dog. Wasn't half bad really when you factored in the laptop, wi-fi, weed and beer. I don't recall it being all that bad. Come to think of it I don't remember much of it at all, so how bad could it have possibly been.

Anyways — I digress.

About me now.

To kick start my three day long week initiative, I decided yesterday at exactly 2:22pm that only three days off was bullshit and that I would not be going to work today.

All in all I feel I made the right call since it's 85° with not a cloud in the sky and there's a beautiful breeze coming in off the Bay. All my errands are now run and am presently pissing off my friends via gloating text messages in which the majority of replies back include "Fuck you".

The town is starting to fill w/ citidiots and I can hear the din rising as the day continues. I'm laying in the sun and I'm on my second beer.

There's a weekend long drunkfest concert across the Bay. I'll be doing what I did last year which is kayaking over and sneaking in. Last year I happened to come by a full sleeve of "beer tent" plastic cups at the same event — so I'm pretty much set.

The rest of my weekend will be spent overindulging in whatever the hell I feel like. I'll probably entertain some close friends, burn some perfectly good food, get drunk and probably pretty sunburned. I probably won't cut my grass or wash my truck. Screw it. Its the long weekend!

 

Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes are divorcing.
Color me surprised.

 

Has anyone tried the Twilight Zone radio dramas(yes I am keeping this alive)? You can get them for an iPhone, and I'm assuming any other smart phone. They're redone episodes with modern actors(Alec Baldwin and Jason Alexander among dozens of others). They also have brand new episodes, and although I'm pretty certain they weren't written by Serling, they're still pretty good. Each episode is about 40 mins long and you buy them in 10-packs for $8.99. Definitely worth it if you're on a night road trip by yourself.

 

My new landlord decided that we couldn't move in on a Sunday and needed a cleaning day on Saturday (fair) so we had a window where we would be homeless. I would have loved to plan it better, but the month turning on a weekend and a large number of people (cleaners, maids, landlords) being completely inflexible has forced our hand. We could have moved everything into a UHAUL last night to avoid the moving into the family room before the UHAUL, but that would have been another $100 or so of cost on whats already turning into the most expensive logistical move I've done thus far.

This rain better fucking stop. Moving furniture into a truck in the rain is bad enough, but if it fucks up the centerpiece of my weekend, I'll be quite cranky.

 

Let me tell you a story of what happens when you work with near morons.

See that thing sitting on the chest there? That's a window AC unit. See that big fucking hole in the wall where the window AC unit is supposed to go? I'd put the thing in the hole myself. But, no. Just plug the motherfucker in and let it run.

You know the exhaust coming out of the back end is hot, right? And there's a big hole in the wall that's just letting in more hot air, right?

Yeah, but we just kind of turned it so it was blowing cool air towards us.

There are no words.

 

One of my old roommates thought there was nothing wrong whatsoever with having the window AC cranked up to 10... in the same room as 4 foot wide window left wide open. Her argument was that the A/C was still pushing some cold air into the room, so everything was fine.

But- damn. That's not just stupid, that's lazy stupid.

 

Yeah, I heard he came home with a sex swing and two jugs of Ozarka spring water.