Oh Say Can You Seeeee! Weeklong 4th of July Drunk Thread '12

Well, survived through the big 21st. I had about six shots in the first five minutes after getting to the bar after day drinking, from what I hear at least.

I ended up passed out in the parking lot, face down. I also threw up on this chick I used to hook up with, and it really ruined any chance of me getting some.

On the bright side, I woke up feeling great.

 

Happens to me all the time!

 

As soon as the baby is in the crib tonight I'll be imbibing. Fuck last night was rough.

She's teething and she just refused to go to bed last night. I had to be at work at 3:30 this morning so I kind of needed to go to bed, but no the baby who usually goes to bed between 7 and 8:30 decided to stay up until midnight last night. Around 11 I just handed her to her dad and went to bed.

I hope that fucking tooth pops through sometime soon, I'm not sure how much more I can take.

So, expect me back later tonight guys. I have vodka, beer, and tequila and I mean business.

 

Shit happened to me once back home in Michigan, it was the dead of winter, had frozen puke stuck to my face. Also ended up with a bone chip in my elbow that is still there to this day, almost broke my arm when I passed out mid stride. Good times.

 

If you got laid on your 21st birthday, you're doing it wrong.

If the chick you vomited on doesn't understand why you threw up on her, she deserved it.

 

Anyone who shares that much through facebook is somebody you probably won't miss. My favorite in the past few days was an acquaintance's mental breakdown as he learned his girlfriend cheated on him, so we get the relationship status change and the "I'm really sad" status updates until this popped up last night:

I don't know about you, but I'd rather step on tacks laced with AIDS for 12 hours straight than post shit like that on facebook.

 

I wish I had saved the post, but an acquaintance from high school posted about her boyfriend slapping her around and how "no matter what he says, he hit me" and "the police have photographical evidence", etc. On Facebook, to at least 400 people. My response to the post was "Lol...defriend." Fuck making your relationship troubles that public.

That inspired a Facebook purge that left about 100 people that are legitimately close friends, interesting people or family members that I can trust to not post inane bullshit.

With that said, this is the top entry on my feed: "Random thought: totinos pizza is like the 2 dollar toothless hooker of the food world." Moral of the story is you win some, you lose some.

 

Totino's party pizzas are $2 in your area? Damn. They're $1.69 at the chain grocery stores up here. They used to be 10-for-$10 in college, albeit a long time ago, but those little dust pizzas (they're always gray and dust-colored) were a fucking life saver at 2am.

 

Back to more awesome American stuff. I probably watch that video once a month. Whenever my friends hand off shots or drinks at a bar, there is a good chance one of us will say "Distribution...brilliant!" Ian Darke is the man. I love Gus Johnson's enthusiasm, but Ian Darke just destroys him on genuine excitement and exclamations as well as a perfect sense of when to speak and when to let the noise of the game take over. What a pro.

 

Shamelessly re-posting this, but this is what I thought of immediately.

 

Another Janyne Butterfly gif:



..I think she does the odd core exercise here and there.

 

This keeps showing up on my news feed.


I must be missing something because I don't think it's funny, I just think it's annoying. Of course, the same could be said for the original song as well.

 

It's not supposed to be funny. It's 3 farm boys trying to connect with the general public, most of whom has no idea the amount of effort and care that goes into providing people with food.

 

It's succeeded in not being funny beyond anyone's wildest expectations. It's also dredged up the remarkable disdain for the holier-than-thou attitude held by farmers that I thought I had purged a long time ago.

 

But they till the earrrrrth...

 

So... I just came back from BJJ and there are 7 French guys in my basement listening to the first Twilight movie.

 

We are having a heated discussion at work about whether or not Jay-Z cheats on Beyonce. Emotions are running high. I have faith in him. If I'm wrong, then I don't want to be right.

 

In my headcanon, Jay Z and Beyonce come home in the evening after working at various studios and watch reruns of Martintogether on their baller ass couch. On lazy Sundays they call up Ye, Aziz Ansari, and Barack Obama to have leisurely chats. Sometimes they co host summer barbecues on their rooftop with the remaining members of The Beastie Boys where a lot of Al Green is played. When Ye comes over and gets a little too tipsy Beyonce ticks him in on the couch with a luxurious Louis Vuitton blanket.

 

Also, Deron Williams and Joe Johnson are there. And Mikhail P is in the corner, smoking a cigar and muttering.



I'm passing up plans to go out in favor of doing nothing, because who the fuck wants to spend two hours going to a lake for one night? Not this non-cottaging non-Canadian. GET AT ME PEOPLE.

Now, I have to order some food, get some juice, and find sexy pictures for my 3000th post.