Oh Say Can You Seeeee! Weeklong 4th of July Drunk Thread '12

Decent list. You forgot about nylar balloons, though.

My wife and daughter have gone to Ottawa until wednesday. Feels weird since I've never been here alone for more than one night since she was born. I was thinking about doing the Risky Business dance but I lack a slick 1980's stereo with equilizer faders. I guess my favourite dance song of all will do:

 

Someone's gettin' pissed on this week.

Today, I am going to attempt nothing but pork products. Leftover ribs in the fridge. Gumbo with smoked sausage later. Getting Vietnamese pork bbq for dinner. With a little luck I will achieve some state of nirvana where all of the world's mysteries will be revealed to me. Such as the appeal of Dubstep.

I guess you could say... I'm going to get porked.

*sunglasses* YYYYYEEEEAAAAAAHHHHHHH

 

I was watching a video of a cute little pony as part of my reading the morning news and when he started to trot around my immediate reaction was "HOLY SHIT THAT TINY PONY HAS A GIGANTIC PENIS." And I felt really bad, because I'm some sort of pervert who watches cute animal videos and only sees big animal penises. But then I read the comments and 3 out of 4 of them were also about its penis, so I felt better. Or worse.

 

And I am just as perverted because I am going to ask that you post the link.

And going back a couple of pages, I have no comments on science, but I definitely think that Jay Z is getting a little on the side.

 

Mya, of course I would post a video of big tiny horse penis for you.

 

"Hey, guys. No big deal. Just dreaming 'bout how big my cock is. 'Sup?"

 

Why wouldn't he be? I mean, look how handsome he is *snicker*. Beyonce does it with the lights off as much as possible, I'll wager.

It other news it is GROSS HOT here presently. I went downton to check out Sunfest and I couldn't stand it. No shade whatsoever in the beer "tent" (tent meaning sun-parched strip of ashphalt). Buh-bye.

 

Sweet - thanks for the pony penis audrey. Penis notwithstanding, I was a little disappointed in the cuteness factor. The title is a bit misleading as I had envisioned shetland pony dreams to be much more "awwww" inducing, and I consider myself quite a connoisseur of cute animals doing cute things videos.

Speaking of gross hot, I just got back from my weekly grocery store outings. Being 110 degrees, I swear everybody is moving in slow motion and my fuse is about this [_] short. I will let you guys in on my inner dialogue. "ya fucking fat cunt, do you really think you need to pick up each and every box of granola bars? Judging by the wide load you are carrying, it doesn't look like exactly have a discriminating palette anyway, I know you are going to eat those by the handful later on so WHYINTHEFUCKDOESITMATTERIFTHEYARECHOCOLATEORPEANUTBUTTERCOATED" "damn kid pushing that little miniature cart RIGHT IN MY PATH. I bet you think you are pretty fucking cute kid acting like you are shopping. Where the FUCK are your irresponsible parents? Oh there they are with their other 7 offspring. Haven't you heard of fucking birth control. And why in the hell do you think that your family of millions need to shop ALTOGETHER. Now get out of my fucking way or I am going to plow your little fucking five year old ass over. DON'TTHINKIWON'TDOIT." And usually I am a pretty pleasant and patient person.

 

Good list. I'd also throw in the rise of quantum physics/ mechanics (started in 30's/40's right?) and the semiconductor/ Moore's law (60's/ 70's I think).

 

Dear American Friends:

Fuck you. Why? Because you can buy beer at a FUCKING corner store. If I could do that right now, I could have beer in a ten minute walk. But no, instead I can have beer in a ten minute DRIVE. At some of the highest prices in North America. I would GLADLY give up buying beer on sundays for the access you kids have to suds. Jerks. Luvs ya.

 

Que? I've been under the impression that Canadians trump the U.S. on all matters beer-related. I guess the silver lining is that our shitty beer is more accessible.

 

The horse video was not very cute. Here is something cute:



I am so hot that I'm slurring.

 

I. Am so. Outraged.

My dad and I are going to a Cyclones game tomorrow BUT TONIGHT'S DINOSAUR NIGHT.

I'm just going to kill myself.

 

It's not what the urban legends lead you to believe. Canadian beer is BARELY stronger than AMerican (though smoother to most) but it's provincially controlled so only regulated places can sell it. It also costs a lot more because they LOOOOOOOOVE to tax the shit out of booze and cigarettes in Canada. Pot isn't legal here, by the way. in fact, growing it can get you a prison sentence longer than a child molestor's.

In Ontario, the LCBO sells liquor, spirits, wine (and some beer). The Beer Store sells beer. That's it. In my city, we get to split ten Beer Stores between half a million people. Nice, huh?

 

While I can buy beer at a pharmacy. Neener neener neener.

The pharmacists know what's up.

 

Don't be conceited, it's unbecoming.

 

Based on my time in various parts of Canada, I also noted that it is more expensive at a level that actually exceeds the taxation difference, probably due to the monopolization that you mention. The median quality is better, but America also has far more top-notch small-to-medium breweries.

The fact that they literally call it The Beer Store amuses me, though.

 

Hey! Haven't seen you one here lately. Glad to see you're alive and kickin....... uh.... So anyone else watching the fights tonight?

 

I will absolutely be at some shitty sports bar in my town to see Anderson Silva kick the holy shit out of Chael Sonnen. I'm hoping he makes good on his threats from a couple weeks ago.

What irritates me about Sonnen's WWF persona is that, based on interviews I've seen with him (like this one from Joe Rogan's podcast), he seems like an intelligent and articulate individual. And, of course, he's a really damned good fighter. I guess the public getup is to compensate for having such a shitty first name.

Oh, and apparently the guy has a TRT exemption for tonight's fight, due to a little condition called hypogonadism. As if we don't have enough reasons to make fun of the guy.