Old Movie Review Thread

No, I'm impartial. New Zealander by birth, Australian by naturalisation.

 

I have always thought musicals were the most worthless movie genre ever invented, but shit, I guess there is an exception to everything;

The Court Jester (1955)-

An insane parody of Robin Hood and medieval films in general, as the Black Fox and his merry forest men battle the corrupt King Roderick I. Starring Basil Rathbone, Danny Kaye, and Angela "Murder She Wrote" Lansbury.

I watched this as a teenager, but seeing it again, it's even better than I remembered. The mix of rapid-fire dialogue, Danny Kaye's incredible musical and comedic gifts, the colorful, vibrant sets, and a furious pace all combine to create a damn entertaining, rewatchable film. As for the music, there is less of it than in most "musicals" of the era, so it never gets overdone or aggravating. While time has slightly dulled its brand of humor, and I wish the various plotlines hadn't been resolved so readily and easily, but it's one of the finest musical comedies out there. By the way, what happened to Princess Gwendolyn at the end?

Excellent film.

79/100

 

How long did it take to scrub the smell of sheep from you cock and sign up for the dole?

And Kimy, check out "Meet The Feebles" its the awesome.




And "Braindead"


Both cinamatic high art.

 

You weren't kidding. And it's far more demented than Peter Jackson's first film, "Bad Taste";

Meet the Feebles (1989)

Possibly the craziest, most perverse non-Japanese film ever. Cute animal puppets have bizarre sex, commit murder and mutilation, get AIDS, and do copious amounts of drugs. It would be a one-dimensional premise, except the script is written so well, with terrific dialogue and humor throughout. All of it is centered around a variety show headed by a corrupt the corrupt walrus Blech, who leads a criminal empire dealing drugs, producing porn films, and cutting up his enemies. Meanwhile, the members of the cast have their own problems...

I also loved the flashbacks which parodied films such as "The Deer Hunter". There are several main plotlines running throughout, and in the end, they come together beautifully in an insane, bloody climax.

Highly recommended!

74/100

 

Almost as long as it took you to heal the scar on your neck from having your second head removed and figure out whether your mother was your sister, or the other way around.

-----------------

Keeping with the New Zealand theme, I re-watched one of my favourite films a couple of weeks back: Once Were Warriors (1994)

This is a rather stark drama telling the story of a Maori family living in poverty in Auckland, New Zealand (the Hekes). Apart from being relatively hopeless due to years of ingrained social dysfunction they all cling to their inherent cultural pride; albeit with disastrous results.

A major source of abrasion (but not explored enough in the movie) is the traditional class division between Jake "the Muss" Heke (the dad, played by Temuera Morrison - probably better known as Jango Fett and the Clones from Star Wars eps 2 and 3) and Beth Heke (the mother). She comes from the traditional upper class and he comes from slave stock. Beth gives up everything to run away with him as a young girl only to find she's trapped in a circle of drunken parties, unemployment, domestic violence and apathetic self-delusion. Jake has chips on his shoulder the size of boulders, a vicious temper and a blame-shifting nature. They also love each other dearly. Unfortunately, there's a gaggle of kids of various ages who have to bear witness to the drunkeness, arguments and terrible beatings Jake dishes out to Beth; and they are the ones that ultimately pay the price.

Although it helps to have an understanding of Maori culture and the problems they face, many aspects of this story can be ascribed to many other cultures. The problems of substance abuse, domestic violence and withered dreams are universal.

What makes this an outstanding movie instead of just a great one is the performances, especially Jake. His portrayal is spot on, as it would be so easy to play him as a one dimensional monster (and the monster is done superbly). Instead, his human side as a loving husband and father shows just enough to realise that given better opportunities he might have made something different of himself. Mixed in with that is his pathetic side which shows that it's just easier to get drunk and party than to live up to your responsibilities.

It's no heartwarming tale, even though there is some revelation for a couple of the characters. The movie, and its sequel (What Becomes of the Broken Hearted) are based on a trilogy of books (which differ on some key points and character arcs). It might be a little hard to get ahold of, but if you like confronting, provocative drama it's worth a watch.

This scene's about as confronting as it gets, so spoilered:

Spoiler

 

The Breakfast Club: 1985. I always feel weird posting about a film that I'm so positive everyone has seen, but then I remember I'm 35 and there is a good chance everyone has not seen it.

This film is excellent. Of course you have 80's dress and style and even an 80's dance montage but the writing and acting is brilliant. It is difficult to really capture youth in any film and John Hughes did it perfectly here.

In college I had a sociology professor who actually showed this film as a way to teach the different stereotypes, and the almost "class" system in high school. The movie has clear depictions of the jock, prom queen, brain, badboy, and weirdo everyone went to school with. I'm sure now you could redo it with a goth type character but you get the point. All of these kids are given a experimental punishment where they are required to spend an entire Saturday in the school library. The film is funny yet powerful. Throughout the day you find out why they are in detention to begin with, get a glimpse at their home life as well as a real good look at the fears and pressure felt by an adolescent.

The writing is so good that you hardly notice that they rarely change scenery, there are about seven main characters in the entire film and you won't get stuck noticing that the film is 25 years old. It still holds up today and it's funny without any outrageous cum jokes, guy's gluing their hands to their cocks, girls doing sexual things that never happens in real life ect... If you have not seen the movie I strongly recommend it.

<a class="postlink" href="http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0088847/" onclick="window.open(this.href);return false;">http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0088847/</a>

8.99 / 10

 

Braindead a.k.a Dead Alive (1992)

Nothing can be said about this film except that it is the very pinnacle of it's own kind: the wettest, most gory film ever made. The plot is only a secondary device: the village milquetoast's iron fisted mother turns into a zombie and then he must keep looking after her and the ensuing zombies that pile up in her wake. The second half of the film goes ballistic, turning into a phenomenally gruesome Tex Avery cartoon in where the hero climactically tires of his zombie houseguests and uses an upright lawnmower to take them down in a spectacularly gross set piece you will never forget.

Peter Jackson and co. had no easy time filming Dead Alive. They had to wear golf shoes on set because of the amount of stage blood and gore involved, far and away the most ever used in a film. The movie itself is a blast if you have a high tolerance for extreme violence and gallows humour- a horror-comedy up there with Evil Dead 2 and Slither.

7.5/10

 

Legion. This movie was simply awful in every sense I can imagine. I think it was an anti-abortion propaganda film. Utterly despicable. Avoid this at all costs.

 

Hopefully, this will warn other potential victims;

A Perfect Getaway (2009)-

Newly married couple goes to Hawaii. Hears about the grisly murder of another newly married couple. They meet two other young couples, one a suspicious duo with tattoos. While the film is listed as "Suspense/Thriller, Horror", I think "Waste of Time and/or Money" would be more accurate.

The film features endless blabber that tries to be good dialogue, only to fail miserably, sounding moronic and ridiculous instead. The first 40+ minutes are a big pile of nothing, and don't even succeed in building a tense mood. Worse, the "twist" was painfully predictable as soon as the ex-Marine said "red snapper" a mere twenty minutes in. Of course, that doesn't make the reveal any less stupid or plausible. A crappy and forgettable movie.

20/100

 

So I got stoned about a year ago and saw this movie, thought it was hilarious, but I was stoned so what the fuck do I know right?

It was on a couple nights ago, and sober I saw it and laughed my ass off.

Fired Up

Yeah it has the same old teen movie setup, two guys looking for sex go to cheerleader's camp, face challenge, make necessary changes to their life, and then get the girl. But it acknowledges this and makes fun of itself a little bit, and has some very good jokes. On the scale of teen movies, I'd put this right up there with Eurotrip.

 

I watched these two films back-to-back over the weekend. It was an amusing contrast;

Witchfinder General (1968)-

Set during the English Civil War, Matthew Hopkins is a Cromwell-appointed investigator of witchcraft, who, with his trusty assistant, tortures and kills villagers across the country. However, things become troublesome when he wrongs the wife of a Cromwell soldier, who swears revenge.

It's a highly disturbing film; the historical context and details add greatly to the dread. The torture, rape, and death really did happen to innocent people during that time! Vincent Price is amazing as the ruthless, remorseless killer Matthew Hopkins, and Robert Russell is highly impressive as his sadistic lackey. Their uneasy alliance and contempt they feel towards one another adds an additional layer of depth to the picture.

The sweeping, beautiful landscapes in the film were inspired, and the music selection terrific. At times, when soldiers are furiously riding horses to the next battle or village, with lush, endless greens in the background, it feels like a Sergio Leone Western. While mostly a horror film, there are plenty of battle scenes and fights, all choreographed very well. The violence is brutal, straightforward, and portrayed as a mere fact of life in that era.

I also love the misanthropic message of the film, as villagers gladly watch their neighbors die, and often assist in the slaughter.

Very good film.

74/100

Wedding Crashers (2005)

The first half is first rate comic actors delivering second rate jokes with a third rate premise, story, and characters. It felt like watching a cartoon with how cliched everything was, from the foul-mouthed grannie to the emo gay kid to the promiscuous mother.

However, I've always felt that a comedy can be a predictable cliche and STILL be funny. And hell, the same was true of The Hangover, a comedy I consider good. And indeed, for the first hour, Wedding Crashers is decently funny, thanks mostly to Vince Vaughn and Owen Wilson, who sell their material extremely well. It's not as good as The Hangover because of the lack of variety in jokes and scenes, but certainly entertaining.

Then, an hour in, it COMPLETELY falls off a cliff, turning into one of the most annoying, disgusting-to-watch romantic comedies my eyes have ever been offended with. Instantly, the rate of jokes goes down dramatically, and we're fed the most maudlin, pathetic sap imaginable, complete with even more annoying cliches, such as the cartoonishly evil/abusive fiancee, a fact his perfect wife-to-be never noticed in 3.5 years together.

While we get a momentary reprieve thanks to a decent Will Ferrell cameo, it's capped off by one of the dumbest fucking endings I have ever seen in my life, which also shoots the film's own shallow message in the face.

Great lesson on how to turn an entertaining film into a bad one.

39/100

 

Since it's October, I will only review horror/horror elemented films for this month.

An American Werewolf in London (1981)

Directed by John Landis, this is NOT a comedy but a hardcore horror film with grisly humour touches, highlighted by Rick Baker's well deserved Oscar-winning make-up transformations (the same year also had The Howling, with Rob Bottin's equally impressive wolf transformations). The story of an innocent man brutally attacked by a you-know-what and is soon haunted by his rotting friend (a great Griffen Dune) and some truly chilling nightmares. Then, hell breaks loose. The film is directed to perfection. It's very atmospheric and well acted, with an incredible shitstorm climax in London's Piccadilly Circus. One of the best of it's kind, don't miss it.

8/10

 

Martin (1978)

George A. Romero's take on vampires is one of the most atypical formats of that particular legend. Martin is a moody, frustrated teen that thinks he's an 84 year old vampire (despite the fact he has no allergies to garlic, sunlight, crosses, etc.). Being sans fangs, he uses razorblades instead to gruesomely slay women, and has become somewhat of a celebrity with his anonymous call-ins to a local radio show. Part social satire and part ultra-bloody horror is a mean, sadistic mix that builds to a cruel and ironic conclusion. For those tired of the typical vampire formula, check this out.

7/10

 

Maniac (1980)
Of all of the endless parade of theatre-run slasher films that came out after Twitch of the Death Nerve set the standard, this was the ultimate litmus test in unrelenting, nihlistic gore. A absolutely WRETCHED and disgusting film about a depraved goon (Joe Spinell) that commences killing, and killing, and killing. Oh, when he kills women victims he also scalps them to dress up the mannequins he plays house with. Spinell is one of modern cinema's best character actors and he's no clouch here, but he also wrote and produced this unbelieveably gross and violent film so he's largely to blame for it. I'm not by any means squeamish and I endured this entire film up to it's cop-out conclusion but Tom Savini's make-up effects (Savini himself suffers the film's most horrible death- a point-blank shotgun blast to the face) I guarantee will have some of you running for the exits here. If this doesn't leave a bad taste in your mouth nothing will.

2/10

Fright Night (1985)
THIS is how you make a horror film: fun, exciting, fresh, and original. A teenager goes to a late-night horror show host to help him vanquish the charasmatic vampire next door (a dynamic Chris Sarandon) and soon realizes in in way over his head when the beast sets sights on his girlfriend. Basically an old-fashioned silver screen-style horror with Richard Edlund's super-awesome special effects (which still look great today) and a sharp sense of humour. That's Amanda Bearse (Marcy from Married with Children) as the girlfriend. Impossible to dislike.

8.5/10

 

Time to review a classic;

Kanal (1957)-

"Kanalization" is the latter part of the Warsaw guerilla uprising against the Nazis in 1944. In a final, desperate attempt, the Polish fighters took to the sewers of their own city.

The film follows the last day of a Polish resistant outfit, composed of a motley group of men and women, as they abandon their hideout in the country and attempt to escape through the sewers. The audience knows they're going to die, and so do they. It's a harrowing, intense look at the love, loyalty, and emotion these people share in their final hours of life.

The ending is one of the greatest, emptiest, and most tragic things I have ever seen. Polish director Andrzej (pronounced like "Angie") Wajda made many great films during his 55+ year career, but this is probably his crowning masterpiece.

89/100

 

Jaws (1975)

Jaws, when you look at it isn't really a horror movie, but Spielberg wields it with such brio it scared the living piss out of 50 million people. It's a mould for a monster movies and thrillers to follow: It never stops moving from the dead-to-rights opening scene until the final take and it will never lose it's edge. Yes, the shark "Bruce" is mechanical and doesn't look that real. Truth be told, I think the shark is pretty impressive. However, some of the movie's best shocks don't involve seeing the shark. The greatest of all (and possibly the best "boo" scare in movie history) is that sweat-inducing scene when Richard Dreyfuss goes diving at night to inspect Ben Gardiner's trashed boat. The payoff made he hit the fucking roof the first time I saw this film. The other, that horrying scene of the little boy on the rubber raft, with the raft washing up on shore at his mother's feet while she's screaming his name. Let's not forget Robert Sahw's tale of floating in shark infested waters.

Is is any wonder why Spielberg became the biggest in the game after this film? I can watch it over and over. It's as good as a movie can get, and John Williams' score forever haunts mankind.

10/10

 

Every so often, I like to revisit films I loved as a child, when I was 6-10 years old. It's mostly a disheartening experience, as I either end up hating it ("What the FUCK was I watching?!"), or just considering it really predictable and boring. So I didn't expect anything different when I decided to watch my favorite film back then;

Krull (1983)-

The premise is a blend of medieval swords-and-sorcery epics and sci-fi action. Specifically, it's a mix of 1977's "Star Wars" and 1981's successful "Dragonslayer" (which sucks). A floating fortress lands on a planet with two suns, and its evil beings, "Slayers", start killing and burning the planet's towns. Right as a prince is about to marry a princess, uniting two kingdoms, the Slayers crash the event, kill both kings, and steal the princess, where she is to wed their leader. The prince, with the aid of one of the coolest, most original weapons ever, journeys across his planet to rescue her.

As soon as the opening credits begin, you're hit with the film's strongest point. The music. It's incredible. It's unbelievable. It's in every single scene, battle, never grows repetitive, and enthuses every action with a depth and excitement it would not have otherwise. It was composed by James Horner, who also did soundtracks for Titanic, Braveheart, Apollo 13, Aliens, Avatar, and half the major blockbusters of the last 30 years.

This, however, is his best work, and might well be the greatest soundtrack to any film ever made, right up there with any of Ennio Morricone's scores, Basil Poledouris's work on "Conan the Barbarian", "The Godfather", etc.

Beyond that, the movie, despite being 27 years old, is still fucking gorgeous. The scenery, composed of rolling mountains, endless green plains, all filmed on location in Scotland, is among the most beautiful landscapes I have ever seen. Better yet, the set pieces all look phenomenal, whether in a quicksand swamp, an enchanted cave, a castle, or the elaborate, morbid fortress of the Slayers.

The film's fight scenes are mediocre, even for a Hollywood film in 1983. But it makes up for this in several ways. First of all, the pacing is perfect; not one moment is wasted, as there is constant action and adventure from beginning to end. Secondly, the picture is humorous throughout; this is no bullshit "dark, gritty" treatment of an intrinsically childish story. Fuck no; our hero prince laughs, smiles, and yearns for combat. Finally, the weapon he saves until the end of the picture is well worth it, and makes an otherwise tepid final battle exciting.

As the prince travels along with a band of murderous thieves, several magicians, a shapeshifter, and a cyclops, the banter and conversation is always light-hearted and funny. These elements all make the film captivating to watch, and more remarkable still, brought back some of the same emotions I had about the film as when I first saw it as a little kid. I didn't think that was possible.

See, I expected the positive elements of the picture to be ruined by horrible acting, directing, and script. But none of them were bad. Several actors actually give strong, effective performances, and no one embarrasses themselves with pretentious speeches or maudlin cliches. The director, Peter Yates, made the Steve McQueen classic "Billuit", "Breaking Away", and highly regarded "The Dresser", and does a solid job presenting the action.

I came in with zero or almost negative expectations, but "Krull" is an almost perfect children's fantasy work. The first "Star Wars" is slightly better overall, but goddamn if they don't both have the exact same strengths and (relative) weaknesses. Except, Krull's soundtrack is even better...

78/100

 

Sauna

This a Finnish horror movie from 2008. It takes place in the 16th century after a long war between Sweden and Russia. A group of Swedes and Russians is sent to mark the new border between the two countries. On the committee are Erik, a violent soldier, and his brother Knut, an academic who stayed at home during the war. As they progress north, they come to a swamp which the proposed border would bisect, so they venture inside and find a village with a mysterious building right outside it.

The film has disturbing imagery, an eerie atmosphere and several jump scenes, but what makes it really work is the focus on character. The driving force behind the storyline is the two brothers' guilt over the sins of their past, and their desire to find redemption before it's too late. The acting and the cinematography are both very good. Special mention must be made of the end credits music : after the final onslaught of horror, we get this moving, regretful piano piece which lets us down gently.

Overall, this is an excellent movie, with horror both visceral and intellectual. Its ambiguity may turn some people off, but it's still definitely worth checking out.

 

Clive Barker's Nightbreed

You've all heard of Clive Barker: horror's brilliant, gay poet of the perverse. Most of his stories have gruelling violence and/or heavy erotic undertones, which surprised me his second directorial effort (after and incredible debut with Hellraiser) he would choose to film his epic and complex novel Cabal on a big budget, about a troubled young guy named Boone (Craig Sheffer) falsely accused of being an exceptionally brutal serial killer and gunned down at the gates of the chaotic cemetary town Midian ("it's where the monsters go"), where he eventually becomes part of the Nightbreed, humanoid monsters hiding out under the graveyard in catacombs after nearly being hunted to extinction over the centuries.

The story switches gear: it's not the monsters of Midian to fear, but the REAL monsters: the human race who are the villains in this film, particularly in the form of Boone's shrink (horror director David Cronenberg in a dynamic role) who is the actual killer Boone falls patsy to. He's cold, calculated evil incarnate. He wears a bone-chilling mask (that still gives me the heebie-jeebies to this day) and butchers enitre families for sheer musement, all the while speaking in such a calm, soothing voice which only enhances how truly psychotically evil of a man he truly is. He soon rounds up the local law enforcement (and their bible & guns-toting posse of vigilantes) and a war between humans and monsters is soon in the making.

This film is one of the most underrated horror films ever made. It tanked at the box office from a shitty marketing campaign, but it stands on it's own: it's less violent and sexually charged the Barker's usual work but it's damn exciting, well directed, has a grisly sense of humour, contains amazingly designed and fleshed-out monsters (the make-up effects in this film is a WOW), has better than acting than most horror films and also aided immeasurably by Danny Elfman's amazing music score. The apocalyptic climax of the two factions slaughtering each other boasts FX wizard Richard Edlund's remarkable effects and the final scene of the film is spine-tingling.

One complaint: I wish this film had a director's cut, because it does show signs of some serious post-production tampering (the studio cut it by 27 fucking minutes!!!). Other than that, a great film.

8/10