Seraphim Falls Just watched this on Netflix last night. It's a modern filmed[2007] western set right after the Civil War with Liam Neeson as a confederate soldier tracking down union soldier Pierce Brosnan for things that happened during the war. I thought both actors were solid in their roles despite there being little dialogue. The scenery in the movie is awesome, ranging from snowy mountains to the plains to the desert. It's not in HD on Netflix, however. It seems to be too slow of paced most of the time with Neeson and his crew always seemly one step behind Brosnan. The ending, though somewhat anticlimactic, was unexpected to me. I have never been a western movie fan and it could have been better but I don't regret watching it at all and this was the first movie the director did and I think it was a good first effort.
Conan The Barbarian (1982) Before Marcus Nipsel thoroughly trashes Robert E. Howard, let's bask in the original for a moment. Pre-Terminator Arnie was an ideal pick for Conan, making him an intense and stoic brute. Basil Poledouris' evocative score was one of the best of the 1980's, and the film is operatically violent and gory, with beautiful Dario Argento-style bloodletting and gruesome/splashy sound effects added to the kills. Though the tributes to Sergio Leone's menacing style in the film are obvious, they're not to be a ripoff of his 60's westerns but an homage instead. This film kick-started the Sword & Sorcery trend of the early 80's, and is overwhelmingly the best of the bunch (most of them generally suck, actually). Imperfect, yes. The acting is fairly rubber-stamped but the goods outweight the bads, especially embodied in Ron Cobb's vivid art direction and set design which is a particular marvel to behold (let's not forget the blessed female nudity also). Fast, bloodthirsty fun. The sequel sucks, the remake WILL suck. This one doesn't. 7.5/10
In relation to the bold part, Milius had to convince de Laurentius to go with a symphonic score over an 80's pop score. Take the Scarface soundtrack and overlay it with Conan and realize how much that could have completely ruined the movie. I still shudder to think about it.
GI Joe Maybe it was nostalgia, or maybe it was boredom, but I decided to watch this on Netflix. I had every comic for the first two years of this series (yes, I'm that old). In short, this movie sucked. The Baroness and Scarlett were hot, but other than that, what a fucking piece of shit. 1/10. Actually, scratch that, 0/10. Scott Pilgrim vs. The World I never read the comic, nor did I know what to expect. But in short, I fucking loved this movie. Yes, Michael Cera plays the same character as he does in every other flick, and yes, the chick is just kind of there, but the sardonic humor and fight sequences more than make up for this. A fun ride. 6/10. Kick Ass I really was not ready for this film. I assumed it would be a comedy in the vein of Superbad. Boy, was I wrong. This film totally lived up to its title. The chick is fucking awesome, and I hate kids. 9/10.
This got me thinking about some of the classic car/heist flicks, and as a result I dug out an old movie I hadn't watched in a few years. The Italian Job. No, not the piece of shit over-the-top remake that was done recently, I'm talking about the original 1969 version, starring Michael Caine, and, believe it or not, Benny Hill. And a hornets nest of classic Mini Coopers. I find the movie to be much, much better than the remake (go figure), and it has some great stunt driving with some classic cars. Back in the day when (a) $4 million was a shitload of cash, and (b) there was no CGI. It's a fun flick, with some better-than-average acting, and a decent storyline. The IT geek in me also gets a kick out of the occasional glimpse you get of a super-modern computer system, in an era when there were no desktops/laptops, and they came with their own special room with raised floors and refrigeration. If anything, it's an interesting peek at what was "hip" in 1969. 7/10
The Big Doll House--1971 This movie is pure, sweet exploitation. It's about a womens' prison in the Phillipines, and all the fucked up shit that went on there that pushed the women to escape. The prison uniforms are orange dresses that stop in the mid-to-upper thigh area. Unlike real life, all of the female prisoners are smokin' hot. They show a lot of tits in this movie, including a couple of peeks at Pam Greir's huge chocolate mams (which I think might be lopsided--I couldn't tell. You be the judge: NSFW * This movie had a food fight, mud wrestling (with Pam Grier), shower scenes, nude torture scenes, and a steam room scene (I have a problem with the steam room scene: Some of the girls who are planning the escape are locked in a steam room as punishment. The steam is coming from a few round openings in the walls. Why didn't the women take off their clothes and plug up the holes? That was a huge missed opportunity on the part of the filmmakers). Something I thought was weird was all of the white people in a movie that takes place in the Phillipines. Almost all of the inmates are white, the people running the prison are all white, and there are these two redneck delivery men (?) who are instrumental in their escape. I LOVED THIS MOVIE. I give it 9 stars out of ten; it would have gotten all ten, but there were never any scenes of the girls dyking out (and it was talked about/implied), something you think would have been one main reasons for making a movie like this. *This is gonna sound really weird, but with her hair down, Pam Grier looks a lot like my ex-mother-in-law. From the face! I've never seen my ex-mother-in-laws tits.
Equilibrium One of Christian Bales earlier movies, that not never really got big and was pretty much forgotten for an action-scifi flick. In the future after WWIII, society has rebuilt itself but has outlawed all emotions to quell violent urges through government administered drugs. An agency is tasked with enforcing the no-emotion law sends out "clerics" as an elite police force to arrest and execute offenders. Bale is one of them but one day stops taking his pills, has emotions, and rally's against the oppressive government in a stylized fighting form called Gun Kata. This film could have been much, much better. Unfortunately it falls short as it blatantly rips off Orwell's 1984 in so many ways it could be counted as a sequel. The plot is ridiculous and the actors are basically in a waking coma throughout. The action scenes are decent and it's something that hadnt been done before that point (2002) but it's nothing memorable. If you can catch it on Demand or Netflix then it's not a bad watch on a lazy Saturday but other than that, I wouldn't buy it. 5 / 10 (And that's being generous)
I watched Interview With the Vampire on Netflix tonight and holy shit. Could not give a higher recommendation. Brad Pitt was awesome, Tom Cruise was tolerable, Christian Slater was mercifully scarce, and Kirsten Dunst gave the performance of her life. Vampires! Not faggy ones like Twilight (although definitely some weird homoerotic tension at times), but awesome badass vampires, as they should be. Plus a ridiculawesome (am I allowed to invent that word?) revenge rampage rivaling Archer's... Highly recommended.
Just saw Insidious at the sneak preview, but since it has been out since april in the US I guess thats the thread for it. It was not terribly bad, it's fun for an evening, but nothing new. The story revolves around a family whose kid one night falls asleep and doesn't wake up, then the haunting of the family starts. The first half is quite enjoyable, although you always know exactly when somethings gonna happen, but still it had its shocking moments. In the second half the story goes a litlle bit bogus and they show way to much of the evil things for it to be scary anymore, but it's still interesting to watch. The ending drags a bit and you just wait for them to finally get it over with. Nothing I'd buy, but if you're into horro movies and want to watch a dvd I'd say its worth a rent. 6,5/10
The Notebook Wait, was that it? The big romantic monster killer? Get fucked. Lamer than a twice shot dog. 2/10 Sucker Punch Got bored and turned it of halfway through. Might finish it at some point. Glad I didn't pay for it. Dale and Tucker Vs Evil Pretty crap. In an awesome way. 6.5/10 Robin Hood (2010) It's just a really average movie and at no point did I feel any empathy for the characters. And the chain maile worn doesn't stop one cut, arrow or blow. Started to really piss me off. 4/10 Arn - The knight templar (extended version) <a class="postlink" href="http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0837106/" onclick="window.open(this.href);return false;">http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0837106/</a> This only received 6.5/10 on IMDB, this is bullshit. Excellent movie with brilliant cinematography and engaging plot and characters. Perhaps it’s not for everyone, but then it’s nice that there are still some films being made that don't specifically target the lowest common denominator. If you thought Transformers was good it’s probably not for you. 9/10
Horatio Hornblower. Rather than a film, it's presented as a series of eight made-for-TV movie. Based on C.S. Forester's novels, it accurately captures the setting of late 1700s to early 1800s life in the British navy. Ioan Gruffudd does an excellent job playing the titular character, with Robert Lindsay and a young Jamie Bamber (BSG's Lee Adama) among the supporting characters. Hell, even Ian McNeice makes an appearance in The Examination For Lieutenant. This IS a made for TV series, so top-notch special effects are not to be found, but for its intended venue and airing dates it stands far above just about anything else in terms of quality, and does an admirable job of holding to the novels. Character development takes place over the course of the episodes, with each episode more focused overall on the plot at hand. Produced in Britain, there are no fake accents to be found, and each character, whether minor or major is believable and engaging in their role. If you haven't seen this, do yourself a favor and head over to ]http://www.youtube.com/user/funnyflyingdutchgirl and start with The Even Chance Rating: 8/10
Bully- A larry Clark film that I thought was pretty good. Based on a true story of a group of kids that murdered their sadistic buddy. If there was one true to life shot for shot example how how fucked up and retarded people from Florida are this would be it. Some of the stuff would seem comically stupid if it weren't for the fact that the movie stays really true to the events. Acting- Some people shine, some don't. I think Brad Renfro and Leo Fitzpatrick (Telly from Kids) are the best of the bunch. Michael Pitt from Boardwalk Empire plays a pretty good stoner who gets caught up in the plot. A lot of the characters are one dimensional and the actors don't help. The bully's dad looks like a great tyrannical father but delivers his lines in cringe worthy fashion. Nick Stahl the bully is just passable. I think they might have missed something not fleshing out his character more and why his friends let him do the shit that he does. Directing-I think the movie is great. Starts kind of slow and builds to a powerful crescendo at the end. Some of the camera work and editing are pretty electric. Doesn't hurt Larry Clark doesn't shy away from nudity and fucking. Bijou Philips looks pretty fucking hot as a Florida slut. It's on netflix now 8/10
Just Go With It My girlfriend and I have an agreement where for every movie I want to watch together, we will watch a movie of her choosing next. This is my way of getting her to see the original Star Wars trilogy. So she chose "Just Go With It" because she's a big Sandler fan. Should've went with "Punch Drunk Love". Adam Sandler plays a plastic surgeon jaded from his first marriage not working out, so he uses a sob story to pick up women. This goes on until he meets the girl of his dreams who easily discovers his wedding band and demands she meet his ex. Sandler employs his assistant, played by Jennifer Aniston, to portray his ex in a feeble attempt to keep the new girl. Nicole Kidman and Dave Matthews (yes, that Dave Matthews) play unfunny cameos. Surprise: Spoiler Sandler and Aniston discover that they have great chemistry and that they should be together It flows in the same pace as most Sandler comedies of the new millenium ("50 First Dates", "Anger Management") do, but keeping up with all the lies and new directions to take the plot feels like the back two thirds of "Wedding Crashers". I was begging for it to end. 3.5/10 "The Empire Strikes Back" is next.
Rampage (2009) After seeing some past debating on here about this film, I decided to check this out. People actually defend this stupid garbage? Ignoring the recent horror in Norway, let's just simply review this film. Worthless, recycled, blackhearted tripe. Directed by worthless director Uwe Boll, who takes a break from directing a movie about a half-assed videogame to direct a film that plays off like a scene from when you get bored playing GTA and start mowing down everybody in sight. Which is what the film's "hero", and annoying, preachy little freeloading cuntard that builds an "awesome" bulletproof suit that makes him look like of the 100 faceless henchmen Arnold mowed down in Total Recall. When he's not literally murdering everybody in that walks out in front of him, he's addressing the camera directly in horrible diatribes that make you want to slit your own throat. Then, there's the "action" scenes, as he walks down a faceless street and mows people down with twin uzis. You see, when a gun fires in public, people run AWAY from the gunfire. Fast and far. They don't run zig-zag cross patterns directly in front of the shooter. Then again, Uwe Boll is not by ANY means a good director. Personally, I wouldn't let the guy direct reality TV. Did I mention the ending to the film is also a big, giant nothing? This tumbling, phenomenally stupid and coal-black film only begs two questions: "What is the point?" and "Is it over yet?" Targets this ain't. Not by a million fucking miles. This film should be cut up and given away as guitar picks for the poor. 1.5/10
Mighty Joe Young (1949) I caught this just now on Turner Classic Movies instead of watching preseason football. The story is a young girl living in Africa owns a pet gorilla (Joe) for all of her adolescent life. An American businessman opening an African-themed nightclub visits Africa to capture lions but finds the gorilla as a bonus. He convinces the girl to come to America with Joe to perform acts in the club, but Joe is quickly exploited by high society before going on a rampage within the club, resulting in a court order to kill the beast. Made by the same folks who brought us the original "King Kong", "Mighty Joe Young" packs a little more emotional punch. Plus, the stop motion special effects look much more fluid. The relationship between girl and ape is much friendlier, as well. The movie's finale, where Joe is called upon to rescue children from a burning orphanage, is about as thrilling a finale as I've ever seen with any movie. 8/10
Lifted this directly from my website: Constantine (2005) If you can get past the fact that John Constantine, the biggest badass in the entire DC universe, is played by (Bill &) Ted, this is actually a passable movie. Unfortunately, there is no getting past that because seriously, WHAT THE FUCK??? Honestly, outside of those Bill & Ted 3 rumors, why is this guy even still working? The story involves Ted's half-assed attempts to stop some crooked angels and demons from pulling this ridiculous apocalyptic scam, but the main story generally takes a backseat to the endless parade of random crap pretending to be "history" or "backstory" or some such shit. Look, idiots, this is the first movie- there shouldn't be all this goofy mythology to deal with. That's why people don't bother reading the actual comics these comic book flicks are based on in the first place- it's all too damn silly and complicated. And even when you strip this movie down to the basics it doesn't make very much sense. For example, Ted is all resigned to the fact that he's damned to Hell when he dies, but at one point he fucks with this demon by threatening to pardon all its sins and send it to Heaven. If he can pardon a demon's sins and get it into Heaven, why can't someone else just do the same thing for him? Especially seeing as his crimes - trying to kill himself once; being a shitty actor - are relatively minor. Frankly I think he just likes feeling sorry for himself. To be fair, there are a couple of freaky bits (the scene where this one dude is trying to drink a bunch of alcohol but can't is the most horrible thing I've ever seen), but overall this flick just a huge waste of time. And what is with the ending? Ted basically wins by going to the bad guy's dad and telling. Wow, that's so much more satisfying then having him solve the problem by using his brains or punching. Give me a christing break.
Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (1990) You probably either watched this movie as a kid and didn't fully understand it, or you dismissed it altogether. This is the original, not the sequel, which felt more like the cartoon, or the third movie where they time travel back to China (?!). The original is gritty, violent, and dark, just like the original comics. The main enemy, Shredder, is legitimately terrifying, and has a Darth Vader-like presence (unlike in the sequel and the cartoons where he's a bumbling idiot) and Raphael is as compelling of a character as there is. On the surface, TMNT follows a familiar storyline where the heroes must save the day because the cops are inept, but the deeper message tackles parent-child relationships and holds nothing back. If you have ever dismissed this as just another superhero movie or lumped it in with its sequels and the cartoon, go back and give it another try. 8.5/10
In Bruges: A movie with Colin Farrell that I only heard about from reading online. Definitely not an action flick, but I was entertained for the 90 minutes that I watched it. Farrell plays his part well and the movie is enjoyable overall. The movie does include a lot of drgu use and midgets so it would be hard not to be entertained. 65/100
Antichrist We lasted 25 minutes...a very tedious and generous 25 minutes. The most suspenseful thing about this "psychodrama" is, "When is it going to start to get good?" I turned it off and starting reading "Handbook of Measurement and Evaluation in Rehabilitation." Yeah, that bad.