Old Movie Review Thread

High Spirits

Peter O'Toole, Daryl Hannah, Liam Neeson, The Lawyer That the T-Rex ate, Jennifer Tilly, and Steve "Police Academy" Guttenburg all in a haunted castle comedy from the guy who brought you The Crying Game. Tell me that isn't fucking titties.

The owner of an indebted Irish castle fakes a haunting to drum up business, only to find out the place really is haunted. No idea how this one was forgotten because it's wildly clever. The humor is very British at times. There're sex jokes, a giant squid attack, and a talking horse. That's all you need to know. Telling you any more would ruin it. Give it a shot. It's 90 minutes you'd otherwise spend watching Pawn Stars.

"Why are there chunks of masonry floating about?" Peter O'Toole is a comedy god.

 

My son is getting into superheroes and I wish Man of Steel would've kept some of it's innocence that Christopher Reeve brought to the role. But no, Christopher Nolan has to add his flair to everything and instead of watching MOS, we're subjected to this crap on basic-




I like to think of Superman 3 suffered the same fate as Batman when Joel Schumacher tookover- a running gag of horrible jokes that ruin the film. Sure, they'll say it's for "the kids", but even at 4 years old I knew Superman 3 was a piece of shit.

I don't remember a single line from "Batman and Robin", but I remember his suit had nipples and when they click their boots, hockey blades pop out. Similarly, I remember that horrible beginning of Superman 3 when the ice cream hits that guy in the face along with the rest of the sight gags that were just stupid, and it didn't get any better. I have a love/hate relationship with it over the years.

Superman 3 has a poor man's Lex Luthor who uses Richard Pryor's character to build a supercomputer. Long story short, the final robot lady boss comes out and I didn't sleep for weeks.


So overall I give Superman 3 2/5stars, two stars ahead of Batman and Robin.

 

I remember the ugly chick getting absorbed and possessed by the computer. Scared the piss out of me. The movie.... is nothing short of appalling. It seems like satire, it plays like a Roadrunner cartoon. Superman IV is horrible-awful too with even worse special effects, but III is a landmark in shitty filmmaking, forsaking the comic for cheap laughs and an excuse to use Pryor in a supporting role AS A COMPUTER GENIUS.

It was directed by Richard Lester, who directed part II which was easily the best of the original series. What was going through his head between the two films is anybody's guess.

 

Richard Donner directed Superman 2, the Salkind producers didn't like it and hired Lester to come in and reshoot a lot of it. Donner's version is considered a cult classic now.


I've never gotten around to actually seeing it, but supposedly it's better.

 

It's the only Superman movie before the new one (Man Of Steel is the ONLY Superman movie the holds its own with the comic) that had violence and cruelty, which is necessary.

Necessary, because people need to get it out of their head that Superman is a goody-goody comic. It is relentlessly violent, gruesome and cruel. It revels in annihilating innocent people and is non-stop combat. It is NOT what movie fans believe it to be.

When people say "Man of Steel is too violent for a Superman movie" I laugh my ass off. It's not one tenth violent enough, stupid!

 

I haven't been watching many movies lately but over the weekend I really wanted to watch some of my DVDs, so here are some reviews of movies that I watched this weekend for the first time in a long time:

Varsity Blues
This is a movie that has been talked about on this board quite a bit. I have always liked it and found that it still holds up very well. Mox, Billy Bob, and Tweeter are all extremely fun to watch and there is great chemistry between them. It does a good job of mixing comedy and drama, and I really felt like it was a good depiction of small town life. It should come as no surprise that the movie does have some weaknesses. Most of the acting performances look horrendous next to Jon Voight's. I also thought that the characters of Lance and Wendell (the black player on the team) were underutilized and they didn't have much chemistry with the other three main characters from the team. Jon Voight played an excellent antagonist, as usual, but the bit about him being a racist was too cliche and just seemed to be thrown in for the hell of it. Overall, it is solid entertainment as long as you don't go into it expecting anything profound or groundbreaking.
7.5/10

Wedding Crashers
I normally hate the frat pack movies but this is one that I was dragged to the theater to see when it first came out and I actually ended up liking it, even after hearing everyone rave about how it was the funniest movie ever made. Unfortunately, it did not hold up well at all. The first half is fairly enjoyable, with Vince Vaughn having all of the good lines. The second half of the movie drags and delivers more stupid drama than laughs. No comedy should be 2 hours long, and this one is no exception. I appreciated the fact that the writers tried to keep the laughs coming consistently, but too many of the jokes just were not funny. It also doesn't help that Owen Wilson's character is a total pussy and has no chemistry with Rachel McAdams. Isla Fisher and McAdams still look very good in the movie, so at least there's that.
6.5/10

The Sandlot
I decided to watch this one again after hearing all the hype about it being the 20th anniversary of the film's release (and I still can't believe that it has been that long!). This was probably my favorite movie when I was around 9 or 10 years old, so there is a lot of sentimental value associated with it. The nine characters are still funny in their own ways and have some great lines. There are basically 3 very funny scenes: the pool scene, the trash talking with the rival baseball team, and the tobacco chewing scene. Other than that, everything else in the movie is basically a dead spot, and the narrator also talks too much and repeats a lot of the same things. Even with the problems I still can't help but like this movie.
7/10

 

The three great spoof comedies from Team ZAZ (Jerry Zucker, Jim Abrahams and David Zucker):

Airplane! (1980)the

In what's probably the first great screwball spoof comedy, satirizing movies like Airport series and using much of the original script for Flight Into Danger (aka Zero Hour), this movie may be dated but is still loaded with classic gags and moments, especially in the form of Peter Graves as the sexually disturbed Captain Oveur ("Billy, do you ever watch movies about gladiators?"). Still lots of fun, with Robert Stack adding brilliance and incredible fight agility as Ted Stryker's hated former mentor. Always a treat.

8/10


The Naked Gun: From the Files of Police Squad! (1988)

It's hard to imagine a funnier film than the first Naked Gun movie. I saw it in the theatre with my folks and had no idea what I was in for: an absolute, non-stop laugh riot until the credits roll. Precilla Presley and OJ Simpson's introductory scenes are gaspingly hilarious and the momentum doesn't slow at all during the climactic baseball game. Leslie Neilsen is perfect as the deadpan idiot Frank Drebin, his Marlowe-esque narration only adds to the fun. The gags come non-stop in this movie, and I MEAN NON-STOP in fact, you probably can't watch it for more than a minute without literally laughing out loud. You could watch it a million times and it will still be hysterical.

9.5/10


Hot Shots! (1991)

This time the Zucker brothers let Abrahams direct, with great success in this send-up of flyboy movies, particularly Only Angels Have Wings and Top Gun but there's lots of other film digs to boot. Often very funny, sometimes dated spoof has Charlie Sheen's hilarious deadpan reactions, Cary Elwes' hilarious take on Val Kilmer's "Iceman", and Lloyd Bridges is a laugh riot as a crazed admiral. Even if you don't dig on the gags you can just use the pause button to stare at Valeria Golingo's insanely beautiful face for hours on end and yes-- she really did catch that olive popped out of her own navel without effects or trickery (suck on THAT Kim Basinger). Even the final "sunset" shot is funny, and a great use of the Bobby Darin/Dion song "Dream Lover". One of the greatest jokes is how they constantly talk about how "advanced" the jets are in the movie, yet they are (I think) Folland Gnats which are shitty British subsonic jets from the 1950's.

That funeral is still one of the funniest scenes in history.

7.5/10

 

You should have added their cult classic "The Kentucky Fried Movie."

MGM or HDNET has been airing "The Hustler" this month, one of my all time favorite movies. How Newman did not win the Oscar for that movie is beyond me. Also, standout performance by George C. Scott. Such a great movie.

 

V/H/S

Build-up...letdown. Build-up...letdown. Build-up...letdown.

Andy Warhol's Flesh for Frankenstein

So bad, it made V/H/S look good.

 

The Bling Ring

Remember the movie trailers like 9 months ago where Emma Watson licked her lips while her titties bounced up and down? I saw that movie today. It's about some stupid high school girls and their gay friend who robbed a bunch of celebrities and ultimately got caught.

What worked

Emma Watson is hot and I like seeing bad things happen to people like Paris Hilton.

What Didn't Work

Basically everything else. It's a movie about unlikable sociopaths robbing unlikable celebrities. The only emotion I felt during the whole movie was the compulsion to reach through the screen and punch all the characters in the face. Sofia Coppola had an opportunity to make some sort of commentary on greed or celebrity culture, but decided that was too much work. This basically leaves us with a movie with zero plot; just a bunch of scenes of girls "shopping" in celebrities' closets and a few closing shots of them getting arrested/tried. Boring.

2/10

 

The Time Traveler's Wife

Rachel McAdams is wonderful. Bana is kinda wooden. The plot was interesting and well done. I liked the lack of explanation when it came to the mechanics of time travel. It was kind of in the same vein as Looper when it came to exposition. "Don't think about it too much, just hit the 'I believe' button. And of course, if you don't cry at the end of this movie, or at least tear up a bit, you don't have a soul.

7/10


There Will Be Blood

Another example of Daniel Day Lewis giving a masterclass in acting while participating in a pretentious, plotless, uninteresting piece of shit. Fuck this movie in the ear. Give me back my two and a half hours, Paul Thomas Andersen.

2/10 (yup, I'd put it on the same level as The Bling Ring, maybe lower, cause it's longer)

 

Primary Colors (1998)

Mike Nichols' hard-hitting political roman a clef from the searing book by Anonymous (who turns out as Time and Newsweek reporter Joe Klein) based on Bill Clinton's '92 Democratic primary is the best political movie ever made. Completely humanizes the entire glamoutized campaign industry and jerks the the viewer's emotions with stunning ease. John Travolta has the performance of a lifetime as "Jack Stanton", a caring and compassionate governor who believes in individual power and is also a compulsive lying womanizer. Emma Thompson is completely believable in the Hillary role, Billy Bob Thorton owns it tributing James Carville but Kathy Bates steals the entire film and devours all scenery as Travolta's psychotic chief of staff/P.I.

This movie unjustly bombed in theatres. Doesn't take sides like you think, Klein followed Clinton's campaign and mixed reality with fictitious elements but the end result is a spectacular, hilarious, unpredictable and completely entertaining movie.

Also, it is frightening to see that in the end the people who run America are a grass-roots group of motley friends and volunteers who run the whole show from shitty Podunk offices.

9.5/10

 

Tombstone was released to theaters 20 years ago today! This is one of the best movies ever made and hands down the best western in my opinion. Val Kilmer shines as Doc Holiday in a cast full of stars and soon to be stars. If you haven't seen it, I suggest you give it a watch.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tombstone_(film)

 

The Reluctant Fundamentalist

Hadn't heard of this pic and it was on Showtime so I gave it a go and I'm glad I did. It's the story of a Princeton-educated Pakistani and the turn his life took in the wake of 9/11. Gripping and thought-provoking.

 

Fargo (1996)

Robbed for the best picture Oscar by the fucking English Patient, the Coen's ultimate masterpiece stands the test of time as a true Hollywood classic. Disarming and unpredictable, Joel Coen's patient and distant style is displayed vividly here: he doesn't just direct what's on camera, he direct what's going on behind it, and what's happening in other rooms where we can't see. And he makes his characters uncomfortably real: Frances McDormand won a richly-deserved Oscar as a pregnant (and wily) police chief whose folksy Aw-Shucks attitude masks a brilliant crime scene investigator. William H. Macy matches her as the idiot who mires himself up to the eyeballs in crime and its spine-tingling watching him gasp for air from the opening scene until the final frame. It's also explosively hilarious at times, Jesus I die laughing every time I watch the kidnapping scene.

This is possibly the best film of the 90's. It's flawless, utterly believable and shocking. And despite what the opening credits say, this is NOT based on a true story. Raising Arizona and No Country For Old Men were nothing short of movie miracles. This film is even better.

10/10

Amadeus (1983)

Seriously, how the fuck did this whisk the Oscars? Best picture? This of course was the time where any costume drama would be considered brilliant, no matter how slap-dash, superficial to history and irritating it might be, which this film is. Besides a brilliant performance by F. Murray Abraham this movie is dull and obnoxious, with Tom Hulce playing a bratty, childish Mozart you want to slap silly every time he's on screen. Skip it.

3/10

 

Chuck & Buck (2000)
Written by and starring Mike White (who also wrote the screenplay to Orange County), this movie centers on an aspiring playwright named Buck, who is in his late 20s. Unfortunately, he also has the mental maturity of a 10 year old. When his mother dies he is reconnected with his childhood best friend, Chuck (played by Chris Weitz, who co-produced American Pie). The two of them had "experimented" when they were young boys; however, Chuck has matured into a normal adult with a good job and a beautiful fiance. After the funeral, Buck follows Chuck to California and tries everything he can to get back into Chuck's life. I wanted to watch this film because I was such a huge fan of Orange County, and it did not disappoint. One strength of the movie was that Buck never did anything that serious to hinder Chuck when he was trying to get back into his life; he was basically just an annoyance. This is a dark comedy that has some very funny moments, and Mike White's performance as Buck is superb. Whenever Buck was on screen I couldn't help but laugh at him, and at the same time I was also never sure if he was going to do something to hurt himself or someone else. I recommend checking this one out.
8.5/10

Little Miss Sunshine (2006)
This movie follows a family that is slightly dysfunctional and struggling financially. After the daughter qualifies for a children's beauty pageant they have to make a trip from New Mexico to California. The movie has a lot of the funny moments that you would expect from a dysfunctional family making a road trip, and it of course contains some clever satire in regards to kids' beauty pageants. The characters in the movie were not as developed as they could have been, but one highlight of the film was Steve Carell's supporting performance as the gay, suicidal, intellect who was the uncle of the main character (he was also phenomenal in The 40-Year-Old Virgin, even though I didn't care for that movie). I also recommend this film for anyone who hasn't seen it.
7.5/10

Adventureland (2009)
I saw this one a few years back and didn't like it, but decided to give it a second look. It wasn't any better this time around. Jesse Eisenberg plays a recent college graduate who has plans to go to Columbia for grad school, but ends up having to take a summer job at the title theme park after his parents run into financial difficulty. I liked how the film portrayed Eisenberg's character: he is a stoner and kind of a weird nerd but is still normal enough to make friends and have relationships with people, so he doesn't get bogged down with stereotypes. At the same time the movie around him isn't anywhere near deserving of praise, as it is riddled with the cliches that characterize a coming of age romantic drama. That wouldn't be a problem, but the movie doesn't add anything new or insightful and almost none of the jokes work. I recommend skipping it.
5.5/10

 

From Dusk Til Dawn

I got sucked into the tv series and re-watched this with my mom. This is probably the last of the non-CGI monster movies. The pancake-syrup blood, rubber mask, exploding vampires is gleefully cheesy. Clooney is at his most charismatic and Tarantino is probably the only guy who could give me, another guy rape vibes. Harvey Keitel, Juliette Lewis, young Danny Trejo and Cheech Marin make this an awesome cast that you couldn't assemble for such a project nowadays.

Also, Salma Hayek is a stripper.

This is also the last horror movie that doesn't have the stupid-ass yet obligatory "my cell phone doesn't work" trope in it.