It was absurd. We were using a LASER to burn WARTS out of his RECTUM. I was wearing special equipment to cover my face and nose so that the air particles wouldn't enter into MY body and give ME some kind of weird buttfucking disease. Most awkward. Surgery. Ever.
Wait wait wait. He was hitting on you during this? What line could he possibly use? And please tell me he winked.
My job in the Army was as a surgical assistant (scrub tech). Day to day we'd be assigned different specialties, generally so we would be proficient no matter what came up. Anyhow - that day I'd been assigned general surgery. My post was connected to another post that was mainly USAF. This particular day we were told we had to wear special gowns, a different kind of eye protection, a special mask, and we had to triple (instead of double) glove. AND we had to wear specific shoe covers. This guy was wheeled into the room, hopped up on Versed. My circulating nurse told me we'd be taking care of his anal condylomas (THAT PAGE HAS A PICTURE OF AN INFESTED ASSHOLE ON IT. CLICK AT YOUR OWN RISK) using the laser. Whatever. I'm a great big ol' E2 in the army (PV2) and I can handle this shit. I'm a mom! I can do ANYTHING! The Army told me so! Motherfucker got raised into the Kraske position, draped, and we began. WHY we didn't knock his ass out, I will never know. I was assisting with retraction (yes...I was wrist deep holding this guy's asshole open while the doctor burned off his asshole warts) and this goofy motherfucker was HITTING ON ME much to the delight of everyone in the room. He wanted to know my name. Where I was from. Why I had such a charming accent. (I don't have an accent.) Whether my eyes were naturally that color or if I was wearing contacts. Whether I would go to Savannah with him. Whether I would just give him a chance to take me to a nice dinner. On. And on. And on. To the point that my partner scrub tech (bless her virginal, darling heart) finally started to get uncomfortable. I have no idea what the guy's name was. I bet he doesn't remember the incident. But forever in my mind he is remembered as "The Guy Who Was Flirting With Me While I was holding His Wart Infested Asshole Open." edit: All things considered, it could've been worse. He could've remembered me and came back post surgery. Either way. Gross.
He was oozing alright. Ugh. I've been hit on by my boyfriend's dad, I've been hit on by my (former) SO's brother, women, teachers, babysitters, whatever. It's happen. If there's a freak around, they're going to come after me. I emit some kind of freak flag pheromone. That day took the cake.
Well at least I know what a festering asshole looks like now........ And I didn't think I would learn anything today.
You were warned and you clicked anyway. Not my fault. Now imagine being wrist deep in that bitch with the owner giving you the sexy eyes. Yeah. Go there.
I believe the correct term is "puppet." Maybe now you can get a job on Sesame Street. In other news, This is why I love FL. A man choked to death... ON ROACHES. The crunchy icing on that cake is he died so he could win an invasive species. Schadenfreude. Delicious.
There comes a point when a situation reaches a certain level of absurdity that you just have to shake your head, laugh, and roll with it. I got circumsized when I was 20 and was told that I'd be given a spinal instead of general anesthesia, so I'd technically be awake for the whole procedure, but wouldn't remember any of it. God only knows what I said during the process. Coincidentally, I was also in the USAF at the time.
Exactly. Fuck that. The girlfriend is a bariatric care nurse and all I hear during dinner time is how some guy pissed all over her, or someone's stitches were leaking, or how she had to catheterize some super fat women and had to move the necrotizing roles just find her vagina. I'll take staring at endless Excel documents any day.
See I have no problem field dressing and butchering animals I get from hunting, but stuff like ALL OF THE ABOVE means I'm keeping the fuck away from being a doctor. More power to those that can though, and cold calls for me.