Rant: I think I might have a hernia, or at least the start of one. Hoping it's reversible with some core exercises since it hasn't bulged yet, but I dunno.
Rant: Well, that was unpleasant. Coming home tonight my car skidded on the highway and bumped into the guardrail. While I sat in the driver's seat, annoyed at having to deal with fender damage, another car lost control and collided with me side to side. Everyone's ok, though my right side is sore, and I'm home safe and grumpy.
Rave: I just bought an Apple TV. Double rave: I'm cancelling the cable. Never watch live tv anymore, and now the last nail is in the coffin.
Rant/Rave: I'm terrified. I know with a certainty that I don't know what I'm doing. I thought when I decided to not pursue music to become a lawyer, I was making the right choice. I sacrificed my dreams for imagined security. To go back and do it again, I'd probably not do the same. Yet, sacrificing gainful employment to pursue my dream of writing a book, no matter how shitty, no matter if no one ever reads it, scares the living hell out of me. I think about my dad a lot. How he never did what he wanted. How scared he was at the end. How I finally get what drove him. I don't know why all these ghosts are coming to call now, but they haunt me all the same. I don't know if I"m making a mistake, I don't know if I'm Custer waiting for the Indians, I don't know if this will be the moment that ten years from now I'll look back and say 'that was when I decided to be me, good, bad, ugly, whatever.' In short, I'm scared, because I don't know. And I've always been the guy that knows. Or at least thought he did.
Rant I am at the hospital. I just extended the length in between my index and middle finger by a full inch. Sliced right fucking through the entire webbing to the knuckle. Yeah, ouch.
Rave: Mostly by chance, I get to be part of something groundbreaking and rare. I'm excited. Rant: I can't tell anyone much about it.
My heart is doing that thing it does sometimes; my atrial-fibrillation is acting up again. Right now, my heart is acting erratically, like an engine with its spark-plug wires crossed. It's alternating between beating so fast and hard that I can see it moving my chest, and skipping beats for seconds at a time, making me light-headed. This happens about once a year for about 24 hours. I've seen a doctor about it (a cardiologist), and he gave me some drugs to slow my heart, and a couple days later he checked in on me. He checked my test information, and he said: "I don't know why you're having this problem, but if you ever have this problem again, let me know!" That hospital visit was in 2011 and cost $14,000, and I had to pay $2,500 of it out of my own pocket before they would even admit me.
Rant/Rave? I'm pregnant again. Who knew you're more fertile after you have a kid?? It's a cruel joke.
Rave: I found some amazing records at Goodwill today: The Beatles Again, Carole King Tapestry, Crosby Stills Nash & Young, Stevie Nicks, Frank Sinatra The Main Event Live, Paul Simon, Steve Miller Band, Willie Nelson and a few others that I'm forgetting at the moment. And the Sound of Music soundtrack. For 49 cents each. They had two big boxes on a bottom shelf and there's no telling what the dude that I had to wait on to move got before I could get my hands on them.
Rave: Aside from registering the car at the town clerk, sale of my replacement vehicle is complete. 2013 Toyota Avalon Hybrid. Super smooth and comfortable. I like it a lot.
Rant: Car accident. Totally my fault. No injuries and vey little damage. Almost drove away after talking to girl in car #2, until woman in car #3 got bitchy, so we called the cops. Damage mostly to my car, looked minor - until the car wouldn't start. Had to wait for a tow, and its 20 fucking degrees out. Ten walked form the closed auto body shop to a local restaurant for my buddy to pick me up. Again, its 20 fucking degrees out. I haven't been this cold in a long time. Didn't have my hat or gloves or heavy coat with me. Why? Because to top it all off, it was my wife's car, and all my shit is still in my car. I took her car to get an oil change so she wouldn't have to. Finally home, now I'm going to drink beer and eat leftover Portuguese food.
Rave: Just passed my CHL range test with a score of 249/250. Even though the distances (3, 7, 15 yards) are not difficult by any means, handguns have never been my strong suit so I was quite surprised.
Rant: If you wanted there to be any chance of me falling for the ploy to loan you the money to get your checking account back on the positive side after you deposited a bogus money order--when you're unemployed and still smoke pot every day--the least that you could have done was not constantly text on your cell phone throughout our last "date" and make it abundantly clear that you're seeing someone else. Rave: At least I get to see Primus and Tool tomorrow, and then Jenny Lewis on February 6. Hopefully it will be exactly what I need to get my mind off of my sad dating life and back focused on finishing this last semester of grad school.
Rave: My fiancée is awesome. We've agreed on having a really small wedding. She doesn't want to have a ceremony and reception where you just check off all the boxes of things you just have to do and man I love her for it. She booked a couple nights for us at different places on the North Shore for a weekend to check out locations soon. The thought of a big elaborate production like my sisters had just made me apprehensive so I'm actually looking forward to this now. Rave: Finally feeling better after having a shitty cold that kept me down all of last week. Progress on work that was delayed came like an avalanche this weekend. Rant: Shitty two-faced office bitches and worthless landlords. Why can't people just do as they say?
Rant: Wife and I have been going at it lately. Both super stressed with our jobs. The other nurse in her office quit so shes the only one for the entire place and has to run a clinic. She leaves at 7 AM and doesnt get home til 8 PM some nights. We had a blow out this morning, but I need to learn to relax and not take it so personally. Hopefully it gets better for her.