Rant: Two days before vacation, and I think I'm sick. Damnit. I called into work today. I'm sure it looks shady, but my throat is scorching and my tonsils are the size of golf balls. (insert BJ joke here)
Rave: Felt my baby girl kick for the first time Sunday morning. Felt more like someone rotating a duckpin bowling ball under a T-shirt than poking or thumping, but it was seriously cool. Wife's placenta is in the front, so even though the little one has been kung fu fighting for some time and be felt on the inside, it's made it impossible to feel on the outside until she got bigger.
RANT: My mom died. At least she's in a better place and not confused any longer. DOUBLE RANT: This is the day that just keeps on giving. A quick internet search and my aunt (Mom's sister) died last month. Out of what was once 15 blood uncles and aunts, I now have 2.
RANT: Fuck judgemental people. Yes, my mom died. No, I'm not driving 2400 miles round trip to see her in a box. She's fucking dead, it won't do either of us any good for me to go up there. I can feel shitty down here without having to deal with a bunch of chuckle fucks that I can't stand. People are fucking morons.
Rant: So it turns out I won't be suspended every drug test pending results, but the initial suspension is going to stick and I still have to go through this fucktarded program. I like everything else about working here so I'm going to stick it out for now. If it becomes too much of a pain in the ass or idiots start judging me over it I'll start looking to jump ship. I don't really know how I would explain the why I'm leaving part in interviews though. It wouldn't matter other than that I switched companies not that long ago and hopping around too often starts to look bad eventually. As of right now the only part about this that is really bad is it seems risky to drink on week nights because the dumb shit nurse thinks urine tests are as reliable (or more reliable?) as breathalyzers, even though it's common for alcohol to show up in your urine several hours after your BAC is 0. I still can't fucking believe the suspension stuck. Whatever. Rave: I feel childish for being so glad to hear this, but apparently my old department at the previous company went into a full on tail spin after I got fired. That's what that shit head plant manager gets for not only firing me, but being enough of an idiot to promote someone to my position who he decided not to fire after he started a fight on the production floor with an employee. Oh, and he's an ex-felon too. Fucking brilliant. Looks like firing me is on pace to cost the department about $500k this year and that's fucking awesome as far as I'm concerned. Could cost a lot more than that if they start losing customers because they run so shitty they can't even fill orders on time. Virtually everyone else apparently told him firing me was an illogical and bad decision, but he thought it was totally legit because I 'provoked' someone into taking a swing at me. I really hope when he's sitting in on those meetings about what to do to turn the department around someone chimes in "Hey, remember when you fired Kampf for that completely idiotic reason? Maybe you wouldn't be in this spot if you hadn't done that." It probably won't happen, but I like to think there's at least an elephant in the room when it comes up. Rant: My 4th of July options fucking blow. I have to work this Saturday (I get the next Sat/Tuesday off over labor day weekend at least) and the celebrations that seem like fun are all long drives. So, if I want to do something that'll actually be a good time I'll spend half of Sunday driving there and half of Monday driving back. Or getting up really early on Tuesday, which would completely defeat the purpose of staying Monday night anyway. Ugh. Rave: Insanity with work and holidays aside life is pretty good right now. Rave: Likely doing Vegas in September. Should be a lot of fun.
Rant/rave: my dog's boyfriend's owner's (what does that make us? Absolutely nothing!) ass is glorious. My God. I'm a breast man, but I would do terrible things to that girl's ass.
Rave: My side business is really picking up! I've been going to people's houses to color their hair, I specialize in rainbow colors, and I keep getting new clients. The best part is my color game is strong and I feel confident every time. Plus, I'm doing something I love. Rave: Oldest just turned 11, youngest will be 10 Wednesday. Both into music, little one is about to get a drum set (at dad's) and older bro has a guitar. They say they want to play Pink Floyd, which warms my little heart. They're getting so opinionated and thoughtful, pretty cool kids in my book. Rant: My only real rant in life right now is cost of living in Denver. WTF. I have to have roommates. I got very accustomed to my own place. I think about moving away but I can't go too far from my kids' dad. He's really stepped up and been a great dad the last couple of years. I don't want to take that from the kids or him. I guess I'll just suck it up a little bit longer.
We don't have a NASCAR thread so I'm putting this here. Rant: What the shitting hell, NBC? I see you're right back to your suck ass coverage. Between 8:50 and 9:15 there were THREE commercial breaks. I know it's boring for 40 cars to drive around in a circle, but if you think that, don't pick up the damn TV contract. Geez.
Rant: Legal bills. Jesus Christ, what do people do if they have no money and they get sued? We've launched into the five figures and we haven't even seen the inside of a court room yet. Rave: Thus far, my lawyer has been worth his weight in gold. Hopefully this all gets settled soon. I could never be a lawyer. Sure, $350/hr looks good but imagine the high stakes and never seeing your family or ever having a personal life. Pass.
Rave: The movie is probably going to suck donkey dick, but because of Ghostbusters I was able to buy HI-C Ecto Cooler today for the first time in probably 15 years.
Rave: my little one is 10 today. Rave? Grandma on dad's side crams a lot of Jesus down my kids throats. They know I'm not like that and come to me with many questions about the lack of logic in what they're being told. My little one just asked if God got Mary pregnant was it rape, because there should be a conversation about her consent in the bible in his mind. My kid understands consent. And logic. Winning.
Rant: Today is one of those days I want to drive over to corporate and burn the fucking building down. How fucking stupid can people be for fuck sake. Jesus Christ. This is why I drink.
Rave: I am finally in the interview/hiring process for that state job that I originally applied for almost 2 years ago. I've got an inside guy, and according to him, there are 10 slots they have to fill and only 10 responses to the job (based on their shitty apply/test/register system), so unless I shit on the desk, I should be good to go.
Rave: I did acid for the first time last night, and it was amazing. I booked a room at the beach with the girl with the glorious bush*, and it was nothing like the scare-videos I saw in school. I didn't want to jump off the 8th floor balcony, I didn't freak out when I looked in the mirror, and best of all, I didn't wind up in jail. Instead, we made out for hours while listening to funk music. All in all, a good night. RANT: I've got to see my parole officer tomorrow. Luckily, there is no drug test for LSD, so I'm in the clear. But I just hate going down there. *Since it looks like this woman will be a regular part of my life for the foreseeable future, I'll be taking suggestions on a name for her for this site; always calling her "the girl with the glorious bush" is a little too clunky, and "the girlfriend" seems too generic.
Rave: Well, it certainly seems like the country is going to hell, so, when there was the suggestion that a happy hour reunion with some college friends turn into going out dancing at a gay bar I decided, why the hell not, even if I am going on vacation tomorrow and I have not packed or done laundry and won't have time to do a couple other minor prep things and also totally forgot about a couple other things I had to do until just now. Not only was it really fun to see them again, but gay bars always kind of reaffirm my existence on this planet, and I got two of the best compliments of my life. The first was with our new friend we made on the dance floor when he pulled me close and said, "I can tell that you really appreciate and respect the power of the pussy, but you're also really cockhungry, and that's why I like you." And the other was when one of my actual friends said "What is it about you that guys always want to turn you into their human stripper pole? Like ever since college." Needless to say, I'm probably pregnant. Also, when the aforementioned new friend asked me what I wanted him to request because he wanted to go up and flirt with the DJ I said "Beyonce" and he said "Oh honey, we don't need to ask for that here. There's a signal." And he caught the DJ's eye and did a little hand signal and the next song was Girls (Run the World). I'm really counting on tomorrow me to get her shit together so hopefully she follows through.
Rave: God bless America. I live in a border town, and yesterday we went over the river to shop in Port Huron. $225 got me: - a full tank of gas for a quad cab F150 - four full-sized bookshelves - two cases of beer - on flat of wine coolers - five shirts - a bunch of stationary/back to school stuff - two fly swatters In Canada that tank of gas on its own would have cost about $130. Never mind the alcohol. It's tough to justify shopping here when you can save that kind of money.
Rave: This time tomorrow I'll be sitting on the train on my way to catch my flight to Brazil, America and Canada. Time to start drinking all of the beers and do some sightseeing.