Rant: My brother lost another close friend to a brain tumor. We've lost two young mothers to brain tumors in the last 18 months. Fucking eh. It hasn't sunk in yet that those children won't have a memory of their mother....
Rant- I forgot how nasty Prozac was when I first started it. I had my dose upped to see if it improves my general anxiety level, which outside of a few specific situations I'm working on, is normally relatively low. It's thrown me in a tailspin for the past week or so. I'd say normally I'd have what amounts to a panic attack once every other month or so on average, typically lasting half an hour before I could refocus. Since upping my dose I've had them almost daily and it'll take hours to come down. Yuck. I had similar side effects when I first started it. Side note, it's not all bad, I first went on it for depression and once we got the dose right it kicked me out of my funk in no time. I give it total credit in helping me out of that shitty situation.
Rant: we flex time here and I am usually in around 7:30-8. I had to be here at 7 today and I like the pace and the getting off at 3:30....but that means on days I exercise in the AM I will have to wake at 4:30. I am not sure I am ready for this level of adulting. Can we work from home yet?
Rave: In a few hours I'm going to go see Geoff Tate's The Whole Story "Ryche" acoustic show. I'm not really expecting much, because I know his voice isn't what it once was, but getting out to a show on a Monday? How bad could it be?
Rant: Fuck me I haven't been this pissed in a while, the last week has felt like Ron Burgundy in a phone booth. Earlier last week as my fault, my friend passing wasn't and what happened today, not in my control again, and lets add in one more bit of relationship discomfort because why the fuck not. Rant: the shits continuiing to roll downhill, no idea when it'll stop edited to add Let the good times keep on rolling
Rant: Bloody cushions on furniture. If the chair is that uncomfortable that it needs a cushion, then chuck it out and get a new one. Rant: Pillows on beds, I only need one good one, I don't need to fight my way through 50 of the damn things to find my bed......
Rant: One of the things that define me is that I am half Korean and half Caucasian. I am in a unique position of having members of both of my races wishing I wasn't a part of theirs. My wife, who is generally smart about stuff like this, blithely said during a conversation that I was white-passing. I am now in our bedroom after spending 15 minutes yelling. Now, for the people who might be confused as to why that might make me furious, it's because she reduced an entire side of my family to less than nothing with just two words. Whether I look more white than Korean is irrelevant. I am very proudly Korean. She got it after I asked her if she thought it would be okay if she went around telling transgendered people if they were passable as their gender or not.
Rant: Mom had a stroke. Her memory has been deteriorating, but now she's confused, obviously frightened and confusing dad for her dad (who she always felt was extremely authoritarian) to the point she tries to run away. Yesterday she tried to escape the hospital and fought the staff to the point she had to be restrained and sedated.
Rave: my paternity leave ends tomorrow and I can go back to my job and be around adults. Rant: this means I can't hang out with my kid all day. Rant: child care costs more than my mortgage.
Rant: Last week two of my acquaintances passed away. One was my age, the other was five years younger then me. The guy that was my age was a mountain of a man. A competitive body builder. He died working out. He was a good guy. I'll never forget one of our gigs was playing a bar that held a fund raiser for him to travel and compete in the Mr. Idaho competition. He wore a g-string and would deliver drinks to women who would tuck bills in his g-string. I thought about making a smart assed comment to him about it, but remembered that he could probably punch me through a wall. So at the end of the evening I just asked him "Didja raise enough? Cool"
Rant: over the weekend, my baby got the stomach flu/gastro. We spent two days making him feel better. Now we both have it. I'm over the shitting/ puking part. But my wife isn't. I've had half a bottle of pedialight and 60 calories of should in the last 40 hours. Being a parent is hard.
Rant: It has been a week since my Addie Bear passed away. That's her in the pic with my nephew 6 years ago. She was almost 12 years old and I knew it was coming but when I got home and she was just laying there I lost my shit. I'm 36 years old but that was the first dog I've ever had that was bought with my own money and not shared with a sibling. I still hate coming home because I always try not to wake her up and then realize that she isn't there anymore. Rave?: I have a lot of good friends that have offered me puppies ranging from rescues to strays to $1500 duck dog puppies. I just don't want another dog right now.
Rant: I'm finally accepting I have borderline personality disorder. Its a significant diagnosis. And I know what the prognosis is Rave: I am determined to learn how cope with this and develop the relationships I need to be content and hopefully one day happy.
Rant: there is a small bird or rat or mouse under the house or in the wall making scratching noises in the tub. It sounds like it is straight up IN the tub and I am trying to poop and I almost catapult'd off the bowl into the hall when the scratching started. What the hell is that?!
Rant: No word back from prospective employers despite my follow-up attempts. I just want an answer. Not good for my confidence. *edit- Now I know for sure the answer is no. Not what I wanted to hear but at least its an answer and I can move on. Rant: Down to three people in my department now. Things are just getting worse and worse. Rave: The conference I attended in Las Vegas was mind blowing, there were a number of moments that were just surreal. Being recognized by some big name gunmakers and then introduced to others as an up-and-comer (me?!?), having a famous hunting guide mix gin and tonics for me in his hotel room while he and another guide traded stories about clients, getting to see half-million dollar guns, etc. It was beyond any expectations. Rant: It just isn't feasible for me to go into gunmaking full time right now, I mean we'll see what the future holds but I can't just quit this job and trade it for my workbench. Yet. Rant: Las Vegas itself is just not my thing. Rave: A couple weeks ago ms. katokoch and I went to a nice restaurant here for a 25 course tasting menu (was a Christmas gift from my parents, normally we'd never spring for that), and it was incredible. Then last Friday as I sat down at the gate for my flight to Vegas I realized the guy next to me was the head chef and we ended up having a nice conversation. It ended with him inviting me to come back to their restaurant while they are prepping to process my wild game. I texted him yesterday and he is serious about his offer.