Rant: Just got home from my game of Oztag and took a heavy knock to the side of my knee which is already a bit cactus. Not sure it's going to last much longer.
Rant: Ebay sellers... please stop listing air soft shit in the sporting good section, more specifically in the firearms parts. Air soft toys are not firearms.
RANT: Ohio repealed Senate Bill 5. Fucking idiots. Oh, and Dayton's most affluent suburb just voted down their school levy - that means extracurriculars are gone; librarian and PE staff reduced, etc. Stupid fucking jackasses. We're all in the shitter right now and all anyone can think of is number one.
Emotional, irrational RANT: I've been avoiding posting about this somewhat in the hope that it would get better, and somewhat due to the fact that bitching about it isn't going to change anything...but I can't take it anymore. I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder and ADHD 4 1/2 years ago, and I've taken my stimulants and mood stabilizers (mostly) consistently since then. But this August I couldn't deal with the side effects of my mood stabilizer anymore (shaking so bad I couldn't drive) so I stopped it. Few weeks go by, I'm fine, pretty much happy all the time. Ever since the end of September...I've been a fucking mess. My moods are all over the place -- high as a kite and lower than low, all in the same day. I saw a new psychiatrist (since I just moved from CT to VA) on October 5 to get back on a new mood stabilizer. He told me he'd call my old doctor and get my records so he could see what I've been on and prescribe something new. I said, "Okay, I just don't want to be off meds for another 2 or 3 weeks." He reassured me that he would call my old doctor this week and then call something into the pharmacy. Today is November 9. I've called dozens of times, left numerous messages, and gone in person to his office and left messages twice now. He finally called me last Monday (9 days ago) and said he had a family emergency and was just getting back into the office, he'd need a few days to go through all the charts and then he'd call something in. I said okay, I understand, figuring he'd call something in by Friday. It's now Wednesday, a week and a half later, and I have yet to hear from him. I went to the office for the THIRD time today and left yet another message saying I needed him to prescribe me a mood stabilizer and here was the number for the pharmacy. If he doesn't call something in by the end of this week or beginning of next....I don't know what I'm going to do. Before anyone asks, I've tried finding a different doctor. I tried another and that appointment failed miserably, mainly due to the fact that I did not like her or her style of interacting and "I know everything" attitude at all. Also, there is the ethical dilemma of being treated by two different physicians at once, which the majority of doctors will not do. My bipolar manifests itself primarily in mania. I'm euphoric for a few weeks, something bad happens, I crash, and I realize I need to start taking my meds again. This....this is different. I was manic for the first few weeks, but I've been off the meds for so long that I've hit the depressive point. And I haven't felt this depressed since I was a teenager. I've contemplated...moving back home, dropping out of grad school, and even ending my life. Simply because I can't feel like this anymore. It's too much for me to deal with. I realize that I should probably talk to a professional about all these feelings, and that bitching about it on here isn't going to solve the problem. But for the short term solution, it helps to write it all out. DOUBLE RANT: My biggest stress reliever is running. Due to an achilles injury and foot sprain in both ankles/feet from overuse, I'm not allowed to run for at least the next month. TL;DR: I'm bipolar, and have been off my meds for 2 1/2 months. I've sunk into the worst state of depression I've been in since I was 15 (I'm 22 now). And I can't find a doctor who will return my phone calls and prescribe me a mood stabilizer to level out my moods.
I am now sick and working 13 hour days. I called my doctor's office today to see if he would phone in a prescription for an antibiotic. Apparently all he would do is a cough suppressant (which I didn't know until I got to the pharmacy). I was talking with the pharmacist when I went to pick it up, described my symptoms, and she's goes "Sounds like an infection." No kidding. Fuck, this sucks. I just need some z-pak and I'll be fine, but apparently to get it I have to take hours from work I really shouldn't to go to a 2 second appointment to have a doctor say "yes, you're actually as sick as you know you are". Any docs in Mass want to help me out?
Rave: I had a solid day at work (cracked a common and difficult objection I've been getting from prospects on the phone) and came home to see that someone said some nice stuff about me and my work on their blog today. It isn't really common that I feel entirely confident that I'm doing my well, but at least tonight I do.
RANT: I feel like putting my fist through a wall. RAVE: I don't think I actually will because the last time I did I broke my wrist. RAVE: No work tomorrow. I think I might get drunk tonight.
Rave: Today is one of two "office" days this week. Arrived at 10:30 and was immediately tracked down by my boss. A local customer picked up a bunch of equipment this morning but left behind a skid with one essential piece. I brought my truck and can fit the skid in the back. Will be leaving in 15 minutes for the day. Rave: Said customer is 10 minutes from my house. I wish every office day went down like this.
RAVE: Facility passed inspection today. A little more paperwork and we should be selling next week. Having rebuilt this company from scratch, I'm fucking psyched. Rave: This is now the second company that I've rebuilt from scratch. The first has realized an 85% reduction in cost (nearly $1 million) over its predecessor with a 40% increase in business since I took it over two years ago. I'm going to work my ass off to make sure that this new one sees the same level of success. Rave: Couldn't have come at a better time--my annual review is in 3 weeks.
Rant? Rave? I don't know - my sister's university was evacuated this morning due to a bomb threat, likely called in by protesters. Since no one was hurt, I can't decide if I find this hilarious or really sad. Definite rant, though - the reason behind the chaos is the new university president, a puppet of the Southern Baptist Convention. He's instituted a lifestyle pledge for university employees that includes no homosexuality, premarital sex, or public drinking, lest they be terminated on the spot. Now, I understand that private universities have the right to police themselves without outside interference, but I think the idea of being fired for having a glass of wine with dinner borders on ridiculous. I'm hoping this guy gets caught with his pants down, frolicking with one of the theater department boys. Sweet irony.
Rant - You ever postpone something thinking that you will just do it later? When you are say less tired, or not as busy? I mean it is usually something simple so you do not really think about it, just grab a drink together another time right? Hit up that hike trail next weekend ... And then after receiving an email, you realize that you shoulda, woulda, coulda? - RIP Sam Gonzalez He was in my Geo and Physics programs. We were just on a field trip earlier this week at the Mojave Desert. He was slightly annoying at times, but who is not when they are drunk? He was one hell of a smart guy with a lot of potential and it is sad to see someone pass away at the age of twenty. I am a firm believer that parents should not have to bury their children.
Rant: Still no sign of Archer season 3 restarting or rerunning the first few episodes that I missed. Rave: You can download Archer's ringtone here. (Note: this is a link to a .zip file that contains the ringtone in .mp3 form a .txt instructions file.)
First, I want to thank everyone for their kind words for this post. You were all so helpful pulled me through a tough couple of days. Really. Second, and update. We still have the kids and will probably have them for quite a while. Their parents are not doing jack shit to get them back and that sucks (for them, not just for me!). It's been really hard and I did have a small break down the other night when talking to my partner about the situation, but since then I have felt much more positive about them, the situation and our ability to handle it for the longer term. The oldest child (she's 4) is potty trained - we did it in about 2 weeks. Next stop, the 3 year old boy. They are learning some manners and getting used to our routine. They are also realizing that we mean what we say and if they don't listen - there are consequences. For the first time in their lives they have structure and are learning boundaries. Third rant: I threw a baby shower for the one person I have working under me (she's part time) today at work. I have been running around like a crazy person for the last 2 days trying to get everything organized and when I told her about it today (she was trying to go out for lunch and I couldn't have that happen - the shower was going to start in 30 minutes - it was impossible to keep it a full surprise) she just wrinkled her nose and said, "Oh, why? No one is going to come, is it just going to be us?" No, dumb ass, do you think I would have had it if no one was going to come!?! Hell people contributed over $250 toward a gift (well, gift cards) for you, why are you so damn weird and ungrateful?!? URGH! Rave: It's over now.
Rave: Cupcakes and Cocktails tonight. I get to wear a pretty dress and pretty heels. Rant: It's going to be cold. Ugh.
First world problems rant: They stopped showing Sons Of Anarchy on TV over here for some reason... Going to have to spend a few hours downloading before I can watch it again. Rave: Jetski is ready to be picked up after getting a bit of work done. Going to take it out tomorrow morning for a good blast. Hopefully not many sharks are out...