Rant: My car accident was 2 weeks ago, and an appraiser still hasn't even glanced at my Jeep to tell me if it's a total loss or not. In the meanwhile, I'm driving a Buick. Rave: Scored free tickets to the first Eskimos game tonight. Rave: First date with a super hotty tomorrow.
Rave?: My morning began with a phone call from our audit firm and a follow up E-Mail from the higher-ups looking for some figures. Basically they wanted to know revenue breakouts from some video licensees per territory and per film type over in Europe, which means I have to take information from the licensees and break it down. This led to the following extremely official serious conversation with one of the senior auditors and one of the members of our board of directors: Me: So you want these broken down by type? Can you explain what you mean? Director: Well, we are trying to see the overseas revenue per subscriber for different types of movies. Me: Yes. But what do you mean by type? As in the theme, or the sex acts per film? Director: Well, if you could break it out as much as you can it would be great. Me: Ok, so what I'll do then is take a sample of the movies we deliver and list the revenue by subscriber and then what the movie contains. Auditor: So how many movies will that be? Me: Well, I'd have to look. But we have a lot of movies, so listing them all would take forever. So instead of listing Everybody Needs MILF 1-20, or all the Kinky Cougar ones, I'll just look at the numbers for the last 5. Then I'll list if they are boy-girl, threesome, orgy, or other. Auditor: Oh ok. That sounds good. My parents are so very proud.
RANT: How do ex's know exactly the worst times to come out the woodwork? When you ain't getting any, they're no where to be seen. You start dating someone, and all of a sudden that ex who gives killer blowjobs is all interested in your life. Admit it, y'all talk and then do this just to fuck with us, don't you, ladies?
Burning Rant of HATE Some fuckstick decided to plug the 2nd port on his VOIP phone (connected to a separate network) into the Data network. Creating a clusterfuck physical loopback/broadcast storm of epic proportions. Why did he do it? HE didnt know... I wanted to rip his fucking head off right then and there. It took me almost 3 hours to rule out a device/configuration failure, and resolve the issue. Fixing a broadcast storm like this on a live network is like trying to change a tire on a vehicle traveling 75 mph. I'd suspected it was a broadcast storm from the start, but after an hour of troubleshooting I was certain. I sent the new IT guy running around looking for it, in a 3 story building with 100 people, and probably 260 ports. The irony of all this: I have ONE unmanaged hub at the end of a small network, in a small office, that's going to be replaced next month once I upgrade the network. This horseshit happens on that fucking hub... really... The one place I couldn't check port traffic. To those of you who know what I'm talking about: Yes there will be storm-control safeguards on the managed switches in a month. Yes I'm going to break up Vlans so I can detect this bullshit easier. Yes I will enforce administrative down on offending ports. Rave: Thank all the gods I dont believe in that my wireless network, phone network, and VPN Firewall weren't affected. It was simply one oversized wired Vlan that was shot to shit. Rave I'll never second guess my gut feeling again. Rave I'm now going home and drinking scotch.
Rave: My degree finally came in the mail. Finishing my last class in February was really anticlimactic so even though it's just a piece of paper, it finally feels official. I finally feel like I'm done!
Rant: It's been what? 24 hours? And already family drama regarding the wedding has started. THIS SHOULD NOT BE HAPPENING. THIS IS WHY HE AND I WANTED A PRIVATE THING. If you don't like someone, do you invite them to your wedding? NO YOU DO NOT. Not inviting them is not a punishment. Not liking them is the natural consequence of that person being an insufferable DOUCHEBAG. So again I ask, if you don't like someone, do you invite them to your wedding? NO. No you don't. Instead, you live your life and deal with them cordially at the three holidays a year you see them. Fucking assholes.
Rant: You ever write out a huge rant and have your session time out and when you go to post it it ask you to log in and you can't get back to the text entry page? FUCK! Long story short my head manager decided to chew me out right as the last day of a huge research project was imploding. The client's servers bogged down we had to scramble to make arrangements. Not that some of the things she had been harboring for this session weren't warranted, but it was really the wrong time for an office sit down yell session. Most of the legitimate concerns were things that should have been brought up as they happened, as in the past month since Ive been trained as a supervisor. Legitimate growing pains I told her I wished her and the other managers had spoken to me about more openly about, or at all in some cases, instead of letting it sit until now. The rest of it was her basically letting off pent up energy from the study turning to shit. Im in between trying to be humble and trying to voice some of the bullshit she brought up so I don't feel like they are walking all over me.
Rant/Rave: Well, she shot me down, but I'm no longer cramped by my feelings for her. Both my summer and our friendship will be the better for it. Rave: Bow Ties and Skinny Jeans. Wacky style is better than no style.
Rant: I have to bitch about it: What the FUCK TIB? When did it get so fucking vapid here? Why are we posing for retarded pictures? I take a break and this is what I come back to?
Rave: Doesn't matter, had sex My hot neighbor's slightly less hot sister got stranded here when her car threw a rod. And then I threw a rod, yeaaaaaah. Ok, that was douchy even for me or KImaster. My bad.
RANT I fucking hate hate hate being on call. Conversation at 1:30 AM with ER doctor. ER Doctor: Yeah this patient came in with a kidney stone. His pain isn't really that bad but it has been going on a week and he is tired of it. Me: Well, if he needs it taken care of soon or his pain is unbearable, admit him and we will come see him and schedule him to have it removed ER: He isn't in that bad of pain and doesn't want to stay at the hospital, he just wants it taken care of Me: Well, if he doesn't want to be admitted and if he isn't a patient of ours we'll have to see him in our office and assess him first. We can't just schedule him for outpatient surgery. ER: Well can you do it tomorrow? Me: I have no way of knowing, he'll have to call us in the morning. ER: Well, when can it be done? Me: I can't schedule an outpatient surgery after hours, they aren't open until the morning so we won't know until then. I also don't have access to our appointment schedule while I am at home (in bed) so if this isn't an "emergency" warranting hospital admission, then he will have to wait until morning. Or we'll be happy to admit him and evaluate him sooner. Unfortunately those are the options. ER: Well, he doesn't want to wait too long and it is Thursday night so now it sounds like he might have to wait over the weekend? Me: .....Beats head against wall.....
Rant: Sore, sore, sore, sore. Thanks to doing squats and deadlifts in the same morning, I now will struggle to walk normally for the next 48 hours. Rave: Attending a Catholic wedding (bleh) with an old college friend on Saturday. It should be an awesome way to catch up. Rave #2: Going to look at a stunning Ducati on Sunday. This might be the bike I've wanted since I was 16. My balls are tingling just thinking about it.
Rant: My wife has a set schedule on a 3 week rotation. Twice in a span of three weeks, she works a night shift followed by a morning shift, meaning she comes home, immediately goes to sleep, wakes up, and goes right back to work. These are the nights my daughter inevitably chooses to NOT sleep. Fuck me running, I am tired. 2 hours of sleep isn't nearly enough. Rave: Most nights she sleeps about 8 hours, which is awesome for a kid that isn't even 3 months old yet, so I know I'm ahead of the curve. Doesn't make me less tired today, though.
RANT Passed over for promotion. Instead of a raise, this move to a new position is just a lateral. Instead of being on the typical 18-month clock, this pushes me out to the 2 year mark - AT THE SOONEST! It could be even longer... It's bullshit too. The reasons given are all relating to the nature of the role I'm currently in, and are nothing more than consequences of being successful in this role. My manager tried to emphasize how excited she is that I'll have a chance to address these "opportunities" after the lateral, due to the expectations of the new role. If the nature of the old job wouldn't allow me to be successful in regards this one particular "opportunity", and the new job will - then why in the FUCK are you using this "opportunity" as the metric of success, instead of something more pertinent to the work I was actually doing? *brushes off resume and updates LinkedIn*
Rave: New sneakers, on sale. FUCK YES. Rant: I must be the biggest dumbass alive. After not running for, oh, a couple years I was all YAY NEW SNEAKERS I SHALL RUN IMMEDIATELY AND GET SO FUCKING FIT IN 2 HOURS WOO. New sneakers. In my excitement, I forgot the crucial ingredient: socks. I could barely walk without shredding a blister. In further pursuit of dumbassery, I ripped them all open and hopped in my pool. My (stupid, stupid) reasoning was something about chlorine, drying out, healing faster, I don't know. I look like I have feet herpes today and I can still barely walk. Sigh. Rave: At least I did this in the summer. I can wear flip flops until everything heals. I would be fucked if this had happened about 4 months from now.
Rant Some dick hole tossed a piece of gum on my car while I was at the gym, not realizing what it was I hit the wipers to knock if off. Having sat in the 90+ weather it fucking smeared half way up the windshield. Fucking damn it.