My brothers girlfriend blew her head off the other day with his gun. She would have been 25 on Sunday. I flew down an hour after I'd heard the news. I really wish I'd called a crime scene service to handle what was left behind. I guess I just wanted this to be over with and taken care of as soon as possible, I was as shocked as everyone else, and had a knee jerk reaction to fix a problem. In hindsight there are just some memories that I wish I didn't have. Handling that whole situation for someone you knew is something no one should ever have to go through. I'm just grateful that he didn't have to deal with it, I'm his older brother, it's my job to protect him from this shit. No one saw this coming. There's so much shit that I cant even expand on in this forum. It's not fair that he had to go through this, it wasn't his fault. He's a genuinely good person, and loved her. Even though she'd turned into an alcoholic train wreck, he still loved her. He broke it off with her that night because of how bad it had gotten with the drinking. The only thing that I keep thinking about, and that he'll carry with him for the rest of his life, is that being as blackout drunk and destructive as she was; He's grateful that she didn't kill him before shooting herself. The hardest part for me to comprehend is that she really did this just to hurt him. There's some shit that she'd said before it was done, that just makes me wonder why the fuck someone would say such things. It's going to be a miracle if he's not a broken human being for a long time. I'll piss on her grave for what she did to my brother.
Rave: So I was listening to NPR on the commute this morning, and they've been doing this segment about telling the stories of some of the people who died in the storm this week, and the one this morning was particularly disturbing, so I changed stations and tuned into some FM hits station that has one of those morning crews. They told the story about how some Internet jokester spread word that Justin Bieber had cancer and asked his fans to shave their heads and post them to #baldforbieber. That just made my day.
Rave: Deer hunting this weekend. My gear is packed and I'm ready to hit the road as soon as I'm done with work. I've been anticipating this weekend for awhile. Rant: I am struggling already. Can't focus. Holy shit is it 5:00 yet???
Rant: Breaking your nose with your own knee is much more pleasant than having it put back in place. Rave: The doctor who put it back in place looked like Rashida Jones. I'll try to find an excuse to go back there. Any of you guys have a plan?
Rant- So the girl that got me promoted and acts as the buffer between me and dealing with the office politics and behind the back bullshit, got hired by a new company and is moving on. It does mean I can take her place and get a pay raise and the extra hours she worked. I'll also get to see if all of the gossip she talked about is true as I'll have to work more directly with the head manager and project managers. She could be prone to exaggeration but I have a feeling the place is as catty as she'd describe. Unfortunately she's the only person liked at the place and it'll be mighty lonely now that she's leaving. Rant- Her leaving has just illustrated my inability to go anywhere with my career. She's my age and has the same degree but had spent two years as supervisor as she applied endlessly for jobs. It took the company that hired her four months before they hired her. I usually just feel lucky if I get an actual rejection letter back from the companies I apply to. Plus I've only worked as a supervisor for about six months.
RANT: Heading into day five with no power. No heat, no lights, I have running water but cant flush toilets or shower due to a sewer issue. Spent two hours in line for gas yesterday - and I was lucky. Temperatures going down and the house is getting very cold. Oh, and nor'easter is on its way mid week next week. Power might be back on next Wednesday. Add in an elderly mother that I'm responsible for and we have LOTS OF FUN. Most of my friends and family in the area are in the same boat. Rave: Got into work today. Lights, heat, toilets I can flush, and showers in the gym. No trees are on my house or cars, unlike some of our neighbors. My wife and daughter are ok.
Rant (but also a rave, in the end): Ho-ly shit, spending a day at jury duty here is like spending a day at the casino, and I hate gambling. I was summoned for a grand jury, which I learned upon getting there meant that I was either going to serve for 10 or 20 days. There were two 20 day juries and one 10 day jury and they needed twenty-something people for each, and since a lot of people couldn't get there what with a hurricane and all, there were only going to be around 5-10 people who weren't going to get picked for one of the juries. They go through the 20 day juries first - which would cost me a month's pay, which would entirely fuck me over, plus I wouldn't get to do anything for Thanksgiving - and it was ridiculously nervewracking. But, I made it through that, and then ended up getting called for the 10 day one, which was obviously not as bad but was going to make for a long, miserable two weeks (after a long, miserable week) where I'd either lose a lot of money or - if work let me - end up with me working twelve hour days for two weeks straight. Then, I'm part of a smallish group that gets called into another room, which I thought was for orientation. But the guy says we might get off lucky because we're getting moved down to a trial jury. He gives us the option of postponing but definitely getting called back for grand jury service, or trying our luck with a trial jury where it was for an undetermined amount of time but could end up getting stuck on something that lasts for months. I decide to take my chances, I hang around while half of the people decide to postpone, and after they all leave the guy says we all made the right choice and were either going to get off lucky, or really lucky. And we were all "wha?" and he left the room for a few minutes and came back and was like "Surprise! You're all going to get credit for serving for the next 6-8 years but not actually have to serve anywhere since we don't need any more jurors since we have been backed up this week because hurricane." And we all basically started crying. It was an emotional rollercoaster. Now to see if my grocery store has any food left.
RANT: A-fucking-nother one of my buddies got blown up yesterday. Thankfully, he'll live... although sans an eye, and he won't be quite as handsome.
Cory Booker is the best mayor ever. When he isn't literally saving women from burning buildings and shoveling old people's driveways, he does stuff like this:
Rave Got in contact with one my dad's good friends and it looks like he's going to set me up with some contract work for a while. For just part time work I'll get paid pretty well and judging by the type of work he talks about, I should get a pretty amazing amount of experience. Another potential upside is that if I get a more solid work gig, I may be able to still to do the contract work on the side and make some pretty good coin. Which will be nice since I'm not in the best place financially right now between six months of unemployment and Indiana Workforce Development paying me next to nothing since I've been unemployed (Fuck you very much, state of Indiana).
RANT: Racism has for me always been something that I'm aware of as far as it existing, but I don't encounter it often. Well, then I got a second job. Apparently people can tell I'm a kind, good young man because I'm not black. I was being positively judged by being white and that was awkward enough, I don't know how I don't hear more news stories saying "Some white guy was being a racist prick and got his ass beat." Oh, and when I ask why you aren't voting in the election at all, and your answer begins with, "Well, first off, I ain't votin for no fucking nigger, plus...", I hope you understand by the look I gave you that I now have about as much respect for you as I do for the last shit I flushed down the toilet. I know I was sheltered as a child, and I'm an idealist in the most unhealthy way, but Jesus fuck. (By the way, he wasn't white. Eat it, Vatican.) RAVE: Second job. Less money, more busy, but that money is going towards a day when I can happily say that I'll never work in foodservice again. RANT: Grandmother isn't well. She's been in worse and worse health for a few years now, she has bounced back several times but she's in hospital again and the doctor's words today were along the lines of she either miraculously starts responding to treatment within 5-10 days or they bring in hospice to make her comfortable while she dies. On one hand, it needs to be over already for her sake; on the other, this is going to be the straw that breaks my mother's already fragile sanity.
RAVE: high as shit, gonna order wings at 11 am and watch starcraft @ MLG all day (still single ladies.)
Rave: MLG Fall Championship final day! Rain vs Naniwa, the last foreigner hope, on right now. Good lord Korea, stop dominating. Either that or EG needs to stop suspending Stephano. (Ladies, line forms to the right. No pushing or shoving please.)
Wall of text! Rant: New warrant officer is currently on a witch-hunt to kick out all of the fat people in our shop. Rant: This includes me, as I'm currently at my maximum weight. Rave: I'm three pounds under. I resisted the urge to flip off the warrant officer when I got on the scale. Rant: Two of my guys are now on BCP (fat-body program). This means that they can't get promoted for six months, get fucked on their proficiency and conduct evaluations, and have to go to the squadron PT instead of doing their job. Oh, and it's at 6:00 in the morning... right when we have to do 3/4ths of our work, since the tower opens at 7:00. Rant: According to Top, it's my fault that they're fat, and my evaluations will reflect accordingly. Rant: I made a lifelong enemy over fudge brownie bites. Shithead civilian keeps on bringing in pastries / sweets and leaving them on the table as a "gift." I've told him repeatedly that it's not appreciated, seeing as how I have a bunch of fat kids on my crew. Every time, he giggles and says that he's "testing their discipline." Well, he picked the wrong day to bring them in; I'd just gotten my ass chewed by the master sergeant for having fatasses on my crew and that I need to run a tighter ship, etc. So, I walk back into the work area, and one of my guys is chowing down on these fucking brownie bites. So I yell at him and then ceremoniously spike them into the trash. Civilian happens to be a retired master sergeant and starts screaming at me DI-style after he finds out. I stand up, get in his face, and tell him to shut the fuck up before I put him through the wall. He realizes that I am completely beyond caring and backs off... and then goes to the master sergeant and warrant officer to have me charged for assault. Master sergeant thinks the entire thing is hilarious; unfortunately, the warrant officer is not amused, as I just threatened to kick a rotund 65-year-old man's ass. Over fudge brownie bites. Rant: Master sergeant threw a hissy fit on Friday. Field Day is every Thursday, and that includes the shop as well. Unfortunately, night crew didn't mop the floors. He happened to find a coffee stain on the floor and flipped a desk, charging through the entire shop and basically going "AND THIS IS FUCKED UP TOO! AND THIS TOO! AND THIS! AND THIS!" So he called the entire shop in to clean. The oncoming crew's sergeant was amused by my logbook entry of "1000: Field Day Of The Ages conducted. Shop is now sterile." Oh, and as he told all of the annoyed people who had to come in on their off-time, it's my fault for not seeing this and fixing it before he came in. Rave: My own crew loves me, since I saw the incoming storm and told them all to "find shit to do that's off-base." They managed to dodge all of the fuck-fuck games. Rant: Due to workplace stress (The above was just the tip of the iceberg, there's plenty more going on) as well as ongoing personal problems, (Standard "I'm worthless and will die unwept, unloved, and unmourned by the opposite gender" stuff) I haven't exactly been the most cheery sort lately. Top calls me into his office and starts saying that he's noticed a change in my attitude and asks if there's anything wrong. So, assuming that he's supposed to be some sort of mentor, I start talking to him about some of my problems... I then get my ass chewed, as I'm an NCO who is supposed to be "a rock" and not let personal problems get in the way of "accomplishing the mission." He then tells me in no uncertain terms that if I don't "pull my head out of my ass," that I will be fired from my crew supervisor job and will probably end up doing the next two years as the shop's paper bitch. He then finishes by mocking people who seek mental help, which I took as a veiled threat; the last kid in our shop to go see the shrink ended up with six months of gate guard duty for his trouble. I've gone through a case of Sierra Nevada and finished off the Knob Creek; I'll probably be getting more in a little bit, but I'm hoping to wait until a little later, as having someone drunk off his ass at noon looks a little tacky. Fuck shit ass cock.
Rave: Ate at Fette Sau in Williamsburg on Saturday night. Amazing barbeque. Just blew me away. Rant: Because the L train was still fucked (according to istheltrainfucked.com, yup, it was) it took us forever to get from Columbus Circle to Brooklyn. Worth the trip, for sure, but still a pain in the ass.
Rave?: Short hair for the first time in... well I had long hair when I grew my beard that i also no longer have, and i grew that in late 2007.... I'd say I've been rocking long hair since probably 2006 at the latest RANT: WTF WHY ARE MY EARS SO COLD WTF.
Ughhhh first day of clinical. I'm so tired, and pretty much all I did today was HR/orientation stuff. Drooooooool. I'm so hungry I could eat at Arby's.