Rant I'm ranting about the frigid cold weather...I know, a lot of other people are dealing with it. Still, it sucks. No one came into the restaurant I work at tonight, so I got sent home early. Well I wouldn't leave home either if it was -35 or whatever the current temp. is. Rave A little whiskey and beer to warm up Rave The Cavs got rid of the mess that is Andrew Bynum to Chicago. They get Loul Deng in return. Even though we dealt the Bulls several of our future draft picks, I still think the Cavs got the better end of the deal.
Rave: I am back bitches, and I have almost 200 pages of drunk thread to read. Rave: I have secured part time employment that pays well enough that if I ever feel the need to work more than 20 hours a week, it will be superfluous cash. Rave: I have secured employment in the ever interesting and dynamic field of mental health; specifically, drug addiction with concurrent mental illnesses such as schizophrenia. My days are never the same and I learn about the dangers of fridge lights causing explosions when you open the door on the just cooked meth you decided to put in the fridge. Yep, that happened. Rave: My Sadist and I got engaged on NYE just shy of our two year 'anniversary', which, with a year and half to potential wedding dates, is sufficiently established to relieve the anxiety I have from my previous marriage. I feel really sure. Rave: Future Sadist Husband has been living at my place for almost a year, listed his condo a month ago, and the house hunt has begun, with a significantly higher budget than I was initially hoping for. Rave: The days of the lazy filthy pig room mate and her bully of a 10 year old daughter are coming to a close. 2014 is starting with a lot of potential.
Rave: Congrats to Greg Maddux and Tom Glavine, elected to Baseball Hall of Fame. Rant: Retarded sports writers need to have their voting rights taken away. If you think a candidate is not deserving for your own reasons, that's cool. That's your right. (Although, have you seen Greg Maddux? Do you honestly think he ever used steroids? But, whatever.) So, some writers have refused to vote for any candidate who played during the steroid era. Ok. (I hate to break it to them, though, it's still here . . .) But some didn't vote simply because since Ruth, Cobb and others weren't unanimous, they don't want Maddux to be unanimous or get a higher percentage? That is so, so dumb.
Ahem Rave: Frank Thomas, my favorite player since childhood. Time to book a flight to Cooperstown in July.
Rant: Fuck! Every other school surrounding mine is canceled today, but they haven't made the call on mine. If we have it, I want to go in early and get some shit done, if we don't, I want to fucking relax. God damn I wish they didn't drag their feet on shit like this. I don't care either way, just make the fucking call!
Rave: This so-called "polar vortex" has been a blessing in disguise, despite me being a stupid Aussie who'd never seen snow or ice before a month ago. My former editor back home emailed me to ask if I could write a color piece detailing what it's like to be an Aussie stuck in some of the coldest conditions the US has seen for years, so I obliged. I'm keeping a blog of my Maine misadventures anyway, so it wasn't an imposition. In any case the thing took off and got a lot of traffic on the news website I used to work for, and when I shared the link on Facebook my new bosses here in Maine read the aforementioned piece and decided that the barfly I paid to ghost-write it for me was worthy of some column inches in the newspaper every couple of weeks, detailing my fish-out-of-water experiences. So I've gone from "unemployed kid with a green card possibly moving to New Orleans to write about the Pelicans for free and bar-tend" to "newspaper columnist in Maine" in the space of six weeks. Jesus Christ. Rant: Enough with the ice already, north-eastern United States. Fuck me.
Add me to the list of people dealing with the Plague of 2014. I can't call in because I need to save every minute of PTO for my honeymoon. Oh yeah, I got engaged on Christmas. Powering through this horseshit is making me reconsider the whole marriage thing. Spoiler It actually isn't.
Gym Rant: Went back a few nights ago after a fortnight off only to encounter the horror of: Fat NY Resolutioners Seeing all the shiny Hambeasts in their band new lycra at the gym is funny and horrifying in equal measure. For the next month I won’t be able to use a treadmill or x-trainer because a herd of morbidly obese couch slugs will be monopolising them while gently strolling on the minimum setting and slurping down fucking gatoraide like it’s the only thing keeping them alive. Seriously, fuck these idiots. While I’m on a on a hateroll let’s keep it flowing. These fat fucks do “cardio” THEN use the free weights/machines etc covering them with greasy sweat and sticky spilled sugar water, they never wipe down the machines and stay on them longer than they should, especially if it’s the type you sit on. Because as long as you are in the gym sitting on a piece of kit your workin out, amiright! This happens every year, fortunately it’s a phenomenon that ends by mid February. They can then tell their friends “working out just doesn’t seem to work for me” and start putting their gym membership fee’s towards saving for a mobility scooter. The only upside of this annual migration is the hilarity that is fat chicks in designer skin tight lycra. It’s magic watching them strut around delusionally thinking they are marketing a desirable commodity (there are very few black dudes where I live, so they ain’t) That was cathartic.
Rant I caught myself saying to one of the goalies I coach that something awesome happened but wouldn't understand because they weren't even born then. Fuck me and fuck getting older.
Rave: Just starting to feel better after getting a bad post-travelling sickness. I was on the couch for two days after coming home from Puerto Rico and am finally no longer a volcano of phlegm so I can return to the office and get some shit done. Maybe even feeling well enough to go fishing this weekend?? Rave: Puerto Rico was/is awesome (that's an understatement), and my brother's wedding was great. Rant: I was hoping to have a good time with my brother and dad on the trip and enjoy our together. It did not happen. Rave: Got a raise at work and things look good for 2014. I'm glad I stuck it out when my job has sucked at times.
Rave: $10k raise on the 6th, gotta love working for the government. Rant: Seeing how long I can go without jerking off, supposedly its a good thing? Rant: 5 days in and I think I'm going crazy.
Rant: NSFW A tag just makes you want to click more huh? [rnsfw]I just woke up after sharting the bed. The second time this week. I have a new generic of one of the meds I take, and it is bringing me all the side effects plus one. One of those effects is the shits.[/rnsfw]
Rave: After a few months of woefully unproductive job searching, things are maybe starting to look up. Fingers crossed, knock on wood, wish me luck, etc. Also, yesterday was the easiest day of subbing EVER. One school in the district was closed, but apparently people thought it was the whole district, so I had a whopping 6 kindergarteners to hang out with all day. Not only was it a total breeze, but I actually felt like I got to do a lot of teaching, which doesn't always happen when you're in a room with 25-30 5 year-olds.
Rant: New FWB left a hickey on my neck. Jesus, like we're in high school again or some bullshit. I spoke to her about it after, it won't be a future issue, but now I have to bandaid my neck for the next few days to cover up my "shaving cut" in front of clients.