Rant: I just feel defeated. That soul crushing sense of inevitability. A couple of years ago, I started to work on some things, notably my inability to articulate what I want, as well as my inability to say no. I thought, as it turns out mistakenly, that once I was able to do these things, my life would improve. My experience is the opposite. All it has done is created more conflict and frustration on my part. Whereas previously I would find solace in the idea that 'yes, I'm stuck doing something I don't want to do, but I didn't speak up so it's my fault' now I find that I speak up and when I do, I face all kinds of pressure to do the shit I don't want to do. Everything feels like it's such a struggle lately. And I'm just really worn out with it all right now.
Rant: broke up with my gf after i found out she cheated while we were long distance. I should have paid attention to all of the red flags that she was selfish, needy and crazy Rave: tinder in brazil and colombia. I think its about time to plan a trip to medellin Rave: going to the xingu indigenous territory for a week. I will help set up camera traps and take gps measurements and will be sleeping in a hammock in an indigenous maloca Rant: shitting in the rainforest. I cant even imagine the mosquito bites i am about to get
Rave: Last night, a friend took me as his +1 to a show at a small venue in Hollywood that was hosted by The Roots. What ended up happening was various musicians being brought on stage and performing a few songs with The Roots backing them up. This included T.I., Ed Sheeran covering Superstition, Mayer Hawthorne, and Cee Lo Green, including Cee Lo covering INXS "Need You Tonight." That song happens to be one of my all-time favorites as a young kid, I must have listened to it 1,000 times. I sang the shit out of it. This show didn't wrap up until 1:45 AM. My friend and I met a couple of girls and got their numbers. One of them is this singer. I probably have no shot but you miss 100% of the ones you don't take, right Wayne Gretzky? Rant: My feet are killing me today. The way we hit it off with these girls was by the sheer squareness of my dancing to all the various hip hop music. The key was given zero fucks how square I looked, I think. But yeah, shit hurts today.
Rant: They're moving my department at work in a couple of weeks. To cubicles. Granted, they are nice 6ft tall cubicles with over/under desk storage, but they're still motherfucking cubicles. I happen to like my big fucking L shaped desk, damn it. Rave:If that's all I have to bitch about, things aren't to bad. I have a great job, a roof over my head, health insurance, a 401k, and 0 debt. Life is back on track finally.
Rave: I had Lasik surgery 9 days ago, and it went extremely well! I never thought that I would see the day when I'd have 20/25 vision in one eye and 20/15 in the other. It feels great not to have to wear glasses anymore! Rant: Like last semester, I am working full time and taking three graduate classes. It took its toll on me then, and this semester is shaping up to be more of the same. Rave: April and May need to get here, since I am going to six concerts in the span of about a month: The Decemberists, Dweezil Zappa, Diana Krall, The Who, Jenny Lewis, and Rush!
Rant... You ever seen videos of people driving through store fronts? Guess who was sitting next to the window that some old bat nearly drove through. My wife, son and myself, that's who. I hate people.
Rant: Found out yesterday morning that Boyfriend's grandpa broke his femur and spent the day with his mom hanging out at the hospital and scouting out nursing homes for rehab. Then on my way home, I called my cousin and found out that her dad was diagnosed with cancer and is having surgery on Tuesday. My uncle's kind of crazy and we were never very close, but he thinks I'm responsible and therefore likes me better than lots of our other family members. Anyways, my cousin can't fly out for his surgery, so I'm going to Chicago for a few days to advocate for him and give my cousin better updates than he would. On the one hand, I'm glad I'm able to go, but on the other hand, it's going to be weird. Silver Lining Rave: Boyfriend's grandpa doesn't need surgery for his break and should heal on it's own, and my uncle's cancer looks localized to a kidney, so the prognosis looks good at this point for both of them.
Rave: My diy seed starting chamber has worked well enough to start my seeds so far. Hopefully I'll have some plants to stick into the aquaponic system for this summer. I'm working on an auto top up watering barrel system for the next couple weeks.
Rave: Got married this past week. Totally eloped to New Orleans. I thought it went really well and we bypassed all of the wedding hassles. Everyone seems really excited for us so that is a plus. We have been together for a long time but finally decided to tie the knot and it seems like a really good thing. We were engaged for a few weeks but we surprised everyone by running off and getting married. We told our parents but no one else so we got to surprise the families this weekend. I am amazed at the number of people saying we have to have parties and get presents. We are both opposed to expecting things from people just because we decided to get married but both families are really pushing for it. It looks like we are going to have at least one big blowout so if you are interested in coming to South Carolina, let me know and I will put you on the guest list.
RAVE: Wife is pregnant again RANT: The pregnancy beer is back in play again, I love my cheap beer but fuck me Milwaukee's Best hasn't gotten any better.
Rave - another lap around the sun completes tomorrow and I'm not dead yet. With my family history of people dying before their time, this is actually an accomplishment.* Rant - my body is hating me more and more each passing year since i've let it get horribly out of shape. Rave - the wife took off work tomorrow and we're going to spend the day in New Orleans fucking about and going out to eat there. Then on Friday we are having a few friends get together for some Dim Sum at pretty much the only restaurant we know that won't be full of people celebrating Valentine's Day. And the food is absolutely awesome. - speaking of, that leads to.... Massive Rave - the wife has never understood Valentine's Day and the BS with it. For as long as I've known her (almost 30 years, going back to when we were young) she's never understood the appeal of celebrating your romance and love for one another on one particular night. *maybe I shouldn't celebrate this just yet. another part of my family history is that fate seems to have a cruel sense of irony. should something happen to me between now and then, I'll have my wife log in and say - "we almost could have predicted that"
RAVE: After 5 months of physical therapy I was released today. It is a glorious fucking day. RANT: I can no longer safely or comfortably drive a stick which means my Mustang is up for sale. I bought this:
Rave/Minor Rant: Liking Ashtanga yoga. A lot. However, I don't like an overzealous yoga instructor cranking me deeper into positions without asking permission. I feel like my shoulders have been dislocated and reattached to my torso with duct tape. It's as if this gal sees my hypermobility, gets a yoga boner, and decides to go to town to see how far she can push my already loosey goosey ligaments. Bah.
Rave: Saw Warpaint last night. One of my favorite live acts -- they manage to make songs sound a little different from set to set. They beef up jam sections of songs and generally just kick ass. Stella might be my favorite drummer going right now. Rave: Someone uploaded a quality bootleg within 24 hours. Converted to MP3. Always nice to relive a show that was that good.
Rant: The situation with my girlfriend's landlord/roommate has escalated to the point where she's actively pursuing subleases and is not going to respond to his bitch ass until she has legal advice. He flew out of town yesterday and left a note for her listing some of the the most petty and hypocritical complaints I've seen for a roommate in addition to a bill for damages that he is trying to stick on us. Nope, not gonna happen. The way he has treated her is unreal to me and this pisses me off more than I've been in a long, long time. If anyone is willing to spare some advice for dealing with this scenario, I'd really appreciate it. Rant: Second month in a row the accounting department here has screwed up billing one of my accounts. Can it really be that difficult to look up the address on the contract to verify it? Rave: At least my work has been going well and I've been getting a good grip on saving more money in the past few months. Feels good. My roommates won't be around so I can (hopefully) look forward to having a nice weekend with my girlfriend too. I was able to pry some dried morel mushrooms out of my dad's hands and convince him to send them up to me, so dinner on Friday should kick ass and we can forget about all this shit for awhile.
RAVE: Our IT manager unblocked Chrome so it's goodbye to Internet Explorer. It's the little things that make me the happiest.
Rant: I am a huge animal lover and it is probably a good thing I am not prepared to pick up every one I see (spare leash/collar in the car anybody?), but I feel so freaking bad when I see a dog that is obviously a well cared for pet dart into traffic. I want to save em all, doncha know?
To piggyback this: The first day I drove my new ride to work, on the way home I saw a puppy running up the sidewalk. I made a left as soon as I could, I was going help, sadly I looked in my mirror and saw her dart out across the street....then I heard it, the heartbreaking sound of a dog yowling and yelping in pain. I got out, traffic stopped both ways and there she was sitting up against the tire of the truck that was in the other lane. She was just sitting there, scared and in pain. I walked up and down the street door knocking for a little bit but it was no help. The lady that hit her thanked me and said her husband was on his way to pick her up and take the pup to the nearby emergency clinic. I think the cars front bumper clipped her hip and since puppies are all rubbery and cartilage I think she, "Gracie" was her name, was going to be ok (35 mph zone). At least that's what I have to tell myself rather than the fact I was about 10 seconds too late to save her from being hit at all. Last month another pup, a beautiful black lab, showed up on my property. Luckily she not only had a collar, they had her registered with a pet finding service so that ended well. Her name was "Grace". I have to think the puppy Gods are haunting me and really want me to get a dog since I've been without for the better part of a year now. These are both rants and if you have a puppy treat it like the baby it is. Gamecocks, I am truly sorry for the loss of your little girl.
Rave: Dog stories that turn out well. Rave: My wife is out of town and she primarily takes the dog for long walks near our house every day. Dog loves it and usually they are gone for between 30 minutes and 2 hours twice a day. I don't have the time to go with them normally since I work from home but going out with her the past few days has been rewarding. We have a blast discovering new places, old goat enclosures, bones and dry lake beds. The walks have helped me clear my head and focus on work when I get back home. She seems to know when I'm stressed with work. Up she comes with a rope and a look of 'Hey, you should take a break and I happen to have this really fun game that I love to play. Come on then'. Good times.