Immortals I was expecting a shitty 300. What I got was this: Imagine God of War. Except all the gods look exactly like Taylor Lautner. And can't do shit. Also, about 10 people die. The one way this movie beat 300 was diversity. Asians! Black People! Indian people that somehow give birth to white people! A guy with a southern accent! And spoiler alert: the women of Ancient Greece shaved their pussies. Also, can we quit putting Mickey Rourke in movies? The Wrestler was cool and all, but Mickey Rourke doesn’t give a shit about you or your stupid movie. Quit humoring him. There’s about a 5 minute fight scene at the end that was cool. I'm sure you can find it on YouTube.
The Descendants - George Clooney plays Matthew King, a man struggling to deal with the pressures of his wife's coma and impending death, his family wanting him to sell a piece of land, his rebellious daughters, and the sudden news that his wife had been cheating on him. This was a great movie. It is sad and touching at times, but able to break the pace with some fantastic humor to keep it from being over the top and melodramatic, because when you think about it, it really sounds like the plot from a soap opera. The acting is solid. That's no surprise coming from Clooney, whose foppish humor was surprisingly impressive, but also from the children. His children are with him throughout most of the movie, and are quite convincing. All in all, a very entertaining film that I would highly recommend others to see. I would gladly see it again. 9 out of 10.
The Muppets Do you like the Muppets? Don't be an asshole, of course you do. I had two main concerns at the beginning of the movie. One was about how irritating the new Muppet Walter was going to be. But he fit in with the classic characters and didn't take over the movie too much. I was also going to be angry if the love story between Segal and Adams predictably caused a lot of conflict in the plot. Fortunately, Adams sort of takes a backseat and avoids the typical "love interest that ruins all the fun" role. While the love story is there, it's a Muppet movie. The pros: Plenty of cameos of likable people (Neil Patrick Harris has one line, which got the biggest laugh from me); great music that you can definitely tell was written by the Flight of the Conchords guy; enough cuteness for the kids combined with just enough post-modern wryness for us old bitter people. My only complaints: I could happily go the rest of my life without seeing an old white person rapping. Also could have used more Statler and Waldorf. 5.9 stars (out of 6.4)
The Thing (2011) Let me start by saying that the John Carpenter original from 1984 is one of my all-time favourite movies, of all time even. And I hate... nay, loathe Hollywood remakes and hackery. When I first heard that they were doing this movie, I started oiling up the sniper rifle and looking for a clock tower. Then I heard it was really a prequil, designed to tell the story leading up to the original, and that settled me down somewhat. Well, I watched it over the weekend, and I'll be fucked, but I liked it. Really liked it. There is some CGI kind of shit in it that I usually don't like (because it usually is too over the top and pulls you out of the story), but I thought it was tastefully done and really added to the immersion factor in a non-Michael-Bay kind of way. While the original monster special effects were legendary, I have to say that the new movie did them justice. For that matter, the entire movie had a feeling that it was paying homage to the original, and respected it, if that makes sense... some Hollywood types didn't go off on a cgi and blow fuelled rampage like I was originally fearing. The final scenes of the movie are especially well done... and leads naturally into the 1984 original. Enough that you could play the original movie right after the new one and it would seem like an intermission. Well done for a change, Hollywood. 9/10 Things
Completely agree. I've seen it twice now, and I couldn't be happier with how they handled it-I could happily watch them back to back and feel like I was watching one film. Also: Spoiler It actually explains that at the end of the original, both MacReady and Childs were still human.
Girl With the Dragon Tattoo: Saw it on a packed sneak peak. Never read the book so I can't tell you how it stacks up. Still a solid movie. Great score, great visuals, rocking punk rock girl titties. Honestly, the main murder mystery is kind of standard and the girl and her tortured life should take the main stage. She took the case because of the crimes so I guess they had that connection but besides delving lightly into her past and the shit that takes place early in the film they don't scratch the surface on her as much as I had hoped. My friend mentioned that the end kind of dragged and I kind of agreed you could tell they were trying to wrap it up by the end. Still nicely paced. At least the hype behind the book turned into a good film, unlike The Da Vinci Code. Not as awe inspiring as Se7en or Fight Club but still a well crafted film. The title of the book in Sweden is "Men who Hate Women," seems fitting as I haven't seen such a low depictions of men since Winter's Bone (though WB wins out since this movie had ONE man that wasn't a total scumbag). 9.0/10 Spoiler The only thing that pissed me off was the last scene. She obviously had a thing for James Bond. She used the fact that he was fucking his editor as a reason for them to fuck in the first place. There is no evidence in the movie she ever let him know she was into him emotionally. So when she sees him going off on a date with his editor she throws away a gift jacket and speeds off in a huff. Typical broken girl nonsense. If anyone has any good suggestions for good punk rocker porn stars Im all ears. Don't bother listing Suicide Girls unless they are actually doing hardcore.
Contraband I wanted to see this because I like Mark Wahlberg and Giovanni Ribisi. I had an idea of what to expect: I knew that this was not going to be a great movie, and the plot was going to be unoriginal and predictable. But I also expected there to be some good action scenes that kept you at the edge of your seat and interesting characters who you either rooted for or wanted to see get their asses kicked. Unfortunately, the latter ended up not being true. Giovanni Ribisi's character (Tim Briggs, the main antagonist of the film) was an absolute joke. The movie really dragged in parts and most of the lines that were meant to be funny were just stupid and felt forced. Kate Beckinsale was nice to look at and there were a couple of scenes where Wahlberg did give some beatings, but it wasn't nearly enough to save this film. I recommend skipping it. 6.4/10
Haywire I rarely see movies at the theater, but saw Haywire as a compromise choice for a couples' night dinner-and-a-movie thing. Essentially, Haywire takes the basic DNA of the Bourne movies (protagonist black ops agent forced to fight back against spy agency employer) and strips out a lot of the glitz, glamor, and visual effects. It's clear that the director Stephen Soderbergh knew what he was going for - a simple, uncomplicated vehicle to showcase Gina Carano kicking ass - but unfortunately the end result is a movie that suffers from a paper-thin plot and shoddy dialogue, and the periodic fight/chase scenes aren't really enough to redeem it. As for Carano, her acting is pretty terrible, but she's got a real physical presence and the fight scenes were visceral and well-staged (as you might expect from someone with her background). There are a ton of big name actors in secondary roles - Ewan McGregor, Michael Douglas, Antonio Banderas, Michael Fassbender - but aside from Fassbender they're not really given much to work with. All in all, the result is a B-movie adaptation of Bourne, more or less. I feel the movie could easily have been a lot more substantial and gripping, but despite the wasted potential, it was still a decent movie. 6.5 / 10
The Artist I was pretty skeptical about The Artist - a black and white silent film tends to do that - but just saw it last night and it's fantastic. My worry that it would be boring, too artsy, etc, are totally unfounded. It's entertaining, funny, and incredibly original. In short, it's about a silent film star who finds himself out of work when the industry transitions to talkies. Jean Dujardin, who played the film's protagonist, was awesome and easily gave the best performance of the year (ahead of Pitt for Moneyball and Clooney for The Descendants). And Berenice Bejo, who plays the love interest, is sexy as fuck. There is also an awesome little terrier which is a bonus for any dog lovers. I've seen a lot of movies this year, at least 20+, and it was one of my favorites and will almost certainly win Best Picture. Go see it. Don't let the silent film label scare you off - this is most definitely a movie for the 2012 audience, not one for those in 1912. 9/10
The Skin I Live In If you are not familiar with the work of Pedro Almodovar, you are in for a bumpy ride here as this film, like all his films, is NOT for gentle souls. He's Spain's gay poet of film perversion and almost every film he makes taps a VERY sick vein. He is responsible for making stars out of Antonio Banderas, Penelope Cruz and Javier Bardiem. His films are shocking, cruel and utterly unapologetic and this one is no exception. Almodovar is the type of director who will film the rape of a woman like it's slapstick comedy. Don't expect Vincent Gallo-type pretentious boredom here. I should also mention that this is also one of the best films of the year. Banderas, with a classic Carey Grant-style look is a surgeon who keeps a myserious female captive as a guinea pig in his house as he tries to develop a human flesh that cannot ever burn or wear. That's all I can really tell you, because the goings-on in between this film will suck the fucking life out of you like Shang Tsung. You THINK the big shock has passed, and the WHAM. Almodovar is cruel to his viewers a la George R.R. Martin- he asks the tough questions, demands the awkward answer, always keeps the wool over your eyes and has no issue with destroying the narrative at a moment's notice, and the final denouement of this film crashes into your mind with sickening sharpness. I am NOT playing around here. This movie will fuck with your mind. Banderas, as the smooth psychopath gives a multi-layered and frightening characterization slowly revealing the sick depths this Frankenstein-wannabe is willing to sink (I cannot believe this man is in his 50's). A career high for him. Be warned: subtitles, people. Not for all tastes, or the faint of heart. And also a spectacular and utterly original piece of cinema. A knockout. 9/10
So I saw Haywire tonight. Steven Soderbergh's slick directing, semi-hip score, and balls ass hot lead actress couldn't save this film. Gina Carano is balls ass hot (she even has a hot name), but she isn't used to well in this respect, one scene with her in a tank top, that's it. Anyway, she acts like a log. There is little use of CGI but honestly I thought the way they combined movie fighting and her MMA fighting was sloppy and uninspired. The movie's plot is straight to DVD bad. I started to wonder if Soderbergh was going for some sort of wink and nod to bad movies with the horrible dialogue and a few cheesy one liners. No memorable characters, not even Michael Fassbender (who apparently hangs dong). 5/10
The Woman in Black - 5 out of 10. It seems like horror movies nowadays just center around an interesting reason to get people alone in a spooky house. In this one, Daniel Radcliffe plays a lawyer in early 1900's England sent to investigate the paperwork inside an isolated estate. His arrival is marked by the death of several children throughout the nearby town. From there it goes through your usual riggamaroll of tense moments, sudden frights, and foreboding music. No gore, so if that's your thing, look elsewhere. The PG-13 rating should've been enough to tip you off that it was going to be more of a "spooky" horror movie. I always have a hard time remarking on horror movies. I don't fright easily. What I'll say if this: If you like the spooky kind of horror movies you'll be generally pleased. It wasn't as good as Paranormal Activity, but there were still a decent number of people jumping in the theater, and that gave me a good laugh. The ending was utterly predictable and disappointing. I will say the production value was rather impressive for a movie with a supposed $13m budget. Overall, decent date movie. I didn't mind spending money on a ticket, but you'll never look back on it and think "Man, that was great!" In fact, I doubt you'll ever look back on it.
I know there's a lot of hate on for the Chronicle trailer, but just go see the damn movie, it's pretty fucking good. I won't arbitrarily rate it for those that would prefer a quantifiable number, this isn't a ground-breaking movie. It's just good entertainment, cool visuals, and a premiss that I think all of us have fantasized about at one point or another.
I'm going to have to agree here. Went to see it over the weekend and I enjoyed it. It was fun, the characters were surprisingly realistic (for a superpower movie) and I wasn't expecting that. My only gripe with it is the length. I knew going in that it was only 83 minutes, but it honestly felt shorter than that. For 9 bucks (18 counting the girl) I felt like I could have waited till 5$ Tuesdays. But definitely would still suggest you go see it.
Safe house. I'm going to give it a 4/10. Its a decent action flick with one flaw: the cast. The movie tries too hard to be Bourne-esque with the wrong people. If you can get past the fact that Van Wilder is in it, then you hit the wall with Denzel. Neither are CIA operative type of actors I my opinion, but they try hard enough to warrant at least a red box rental down the road. Its just hard to imagine the same guy who jerked off a dog with donuts could be shooting up a south American city while chasing a lip-quivering-while-dying Denzel. The plot is alright, nothing special, with predictable surprises. If you're looking for an action movie on a rainy night, rent this, if not, don't bother. I recommended the Chronicle movie based on the reviews here but got overruled last minute.
Red Tails 2/10 (curved because I love anything shooting Nazi's and airplanes). This would have been a decent TV show, 4 seasons max. This movie was like they took said TV show, cut it into a 2 hour movie, and told the actors to mail it in. If you looked at the actors and saw their work it would disgust you how bad this movie was. 4 HBO Vets (1 from Deadwood, 3 from The Wire, another was also on Friday Night Lights) Byran Cranston from Breaking Bad, Terrance Howard and Cuba Gooding Jr. The writing was bad. The concept of the movie was bad. They were simulatenously restricted by the history of the actual story, while at the same time only stepping their little toe into the history. Not to mention they took the physics of the dogfighting and just said fuck it.
Agreed. Wonderful work by Alexander Payne and the actors. Great subtle cinematography...not that I know anything about cinematography, but I know what I like. If you are interested in or love Hawaii, I think this is one of the few mainstream American movies that I've seen that offers an honest portrayal of a certain facet of life there...life for the Robinson's and Steve Cases of the world. Spoiler And because I've been thinking about a question on the Imdb discussion boards, but don't want to register there (why does Matt King change his mind on the sale, and seemingly change it so radically from what he had previously been thinking?), my take: the movie's journey is all a lesson for Matt that you can't, or shouldn't, change what is wild. First, his wife (not letting her have the fast boat), who you can say he's tried to tame over the years, resulting in their emotional distancing and eventual death. You could even go so far to say by trying to tame her, the wife's sinfulness (affair) was unleashed. Second, the land. What he has is wild and beautiful, and the sale (leading to condo/resort development) would be a neat and tidy way of taming the land, a sale that can even be justified ethically (money would stay in Hawaii). I think the revelation that Brian Speer would be involved in the transaction represents King's learning that taming introduces sinfulness, and the eventual death, of what is wild. You could maybe even take it a step further and say that by holding the land wild and in trust over the years, King's family has been able to survive, and by cashing out, the family will die/sin as they will have cashed out their trust of "wild". The land barons of Hawaii, over the years, have tried to tame it and with the best of intentions, tried to do what is right (economic growth) for the islands, but as King learns with his wife, this rational path may not render what is best for the wild thing/wife/Hawaii. There may even be significance to the family's trust land being in Kauai....although it's maybe truest to reality (again, Steve Case's Kipu Kai and Robinson's Niihau), Kauai is the youngest, arguably the wildest, island in the archipelago...maybe the analogy is meant that it is the best chance of renewal and birth and life....the family's last remaining "virtuousness". Whereas the Big Island, where the daughter is in boarding school and essentially being taken down the same path of her mother, is the oldest, and via the boarding school analogy, the way things have been done (taming of the wild, leading to sinfulness/death). Obviously, that analogy doesn't hold in terms of status of protected lands, since the Big Island has plenty of wild, but it was a thought I had.
Underworld: Awakening I kind of hate myself for watching this nonsense sometimes. The good: Beckinsale is gorgeous, even with the ridiculous blue contacts. This movie is blissfully short, the violence is stunning and constant. The special effects are ok, nothing groundbreaking but the werewolf transition is always a cool shot and this one does not disappoint. The bad: pretty much everything else. The verdict: if you like Resident Evil or the first 3 Underworld movies, this is precisely on those lines. I can't think of anything redeeming about this movie, just a mindless way to spend 90 minutes.
Drive Ok, so I'm a little behind the times here. Regardless, if you haven't already, watch Drive. This is some seriously elegant film making. The directing is superb, and Gosling can act. The visual effects and soundtrack are both striking. Although the film-making can be a little self-conscious at times, this is a genuinely tense and absorbing thriller that's a cut above most of the genre. It's not perfect. The female characters are annoyingly passive, and the protagonist is something of a Mary Sue. That said, this is intended to be a sort of upmarket guy film, with a Harry Callahan-esque lead getting shit done. (I actually caught myself writing "a hero for the post-Bond generation", so I took a minute to punch myself in the face. Ahem.) It's a slick, well made crime movie that is better than a lot the current movie output and is well worth a couple of hours of your time. (PS: I'd watch it on a decent system. Since it relies heavily on atmospherics, I suspect it wouldn't be nearly as compelling on small tv and garbage speakers.)
I saw Act of Valor last night at a pre-screening. You could tell these guys were real SEALs. The action scenes were first class. As were the scenes involving emotions with their families. A lot of the dialogue fell flat. You can tell they are trained to be bad asses, and not necessarily in line delivery. The story was also a little off. It seemed like they skipped some of the investigation process. The pacing was also off. The movie seemed like it took place over a three day period, but in the end you learn it was over a 9 month period. Something just wasn't right. I have no clue about the accuracy of the way the SEALs are portrayed, nor the combat that took place, as I am not in the armed forces. I can tell you it was pretty awesome. And it keeps you on the edge of your seat for a good portion of the movie. All in all, the acting was on par with Transformers 2, but I was a little disappointed in the lack of robots. 6/10